The Process: Round 2

The second most often asked question is "is it shorter the second time
through the process?" The answer is "No'. The reality is it has been much
shorter, and much longer, all at once.

The paper work portion of the adoption process is a little easier the second
time. More than anything it is a learning curve. If you have done it once
before, the paperwork is extremely easy the second time. For me, completing a second dossier 2.5 years after the first was relatively easy. I finished the paper work for Maggie 4 weeks faster than I finished the paper work for Carly in 2001.

Once your dossier (paperwork) is sent to China, you wait. For Carly, we
waited and waited and waited. Between paperwork and pure wait, we spent
16.5 months without information, just in a holding pattern. While it was
long, we enjoyed ourselves and traveled. Looking back, I can't complain.
At the time, especially towards the end, I was miserable. I just wanted
something to know that the adoption was actually going to happen.

With Maggie, the wait has been considerably shorter. In fact, we received
information about Maggie only 6 months after submitting our dossier to
China. When we turned in our paper work in March, it never occurred to me
that we would travel to meet Maggie in 2004, let alone November. So, why
the shorter wait?

It has nothing to do with the fact that China knows us or that we have
already adopted, which seem the obvious reasons. Actually, the sad fact is
the line to adopt children is shorter right now. China decided to strictly
limit the number of single women who can adopt their children. In China's
eyes, too many lesbian couples were adopting children from China. The
Chinese are very culturally biased against homosexuality and wanted their
babies to go to heterosexual homes. As sad as it is, there isn't much that
can be done about it. So, because there are fewer people adopting right
now, the line is shorter. Thus, our unbelievable 6 month wait. When you
combine that with the 2 months it took to do paperwork, our wait has only
been 8 months and we will travel to meet Maggie in just over 11 months after starting the whole process.

The part of our wait for Maggie that has been longer is the part we are
experiencing now. With Carly, once we had her pictures, we traveled to
China to meet her in 22 days (or something like that). This time, it will
take over 2 months. For me, this is the hardest part of the wait. Once you
are matched with a baby and see her little face in pictures, that is your
baby. The minute you have that picture you start to bond with her. You
start worrying about her and you basically become her Mom in abstentia, or
something like that. As for Maggie, she is waiting in Suixi. I am sure she
has no idea that her time there is drawing to an end and that soon she will
be joining a wonderful, nutty, loving family.

I wish so much that we could travel sooner to meet Maggie. Unfortunately,
there are national holidays and a tradeshow getting in our way. So the wait
continues for all of us. As I started this entry, the wait is shorter and
longer all at once. Shorter in actual duration, yet longer in knowing that
my baby is waiting for me a world away.