Behind the Veil

Well, it's a big weekend ahead for La Nina. She will be dancing in the Disney Christmas Parade this weekend at Disneyland. But before you get excited, there isn't actually a Christmas parade this weekend. They are filming parts of the parade that will be shown on Christmas morning on ABC.

Not only will she be dancing down Main Street USA dressed as a snowgirl, she'll also have the opportunity to go back stage and practice her dance in the huge back lot area. This is going to be the most interesting part of the show for La Nina. She'll be allowed back into the areas that are off limits to regular park goers. She'll practicing in the same dance studio as many pretty princesses. She'll probably get a pretty good understanding of how to navigate the park from behind the scenes. I know where the drop off location is, and I know where the parade starts. The two places are not even in the same "Lands".

She's also be held accountable to some pretty strict guidelines for her appearance in the park. She's to arrive at pick up and drop off points with hair and make up done, but not in her costume. We're not allowed to carry any sort of a garment bag, yet her costume and performance shoes must be concealed. (The challenges never end for dance mothers.) We drop her off and meet her at designated locations in the park, but we're not allowed to assist her backstage. When she's backstage she's with her teachers and Disney staff.

After the filming is complete on Saturday, she gets a couple of hours off, then she's backstage again getting ready for the big parade that night. Then on Sunday, she's participating in the filming of a promotional video for the new Princess and the Frog movie. (The Dad, the Magster and I will be extras in this one.)

I'm so happy La Nina gets the chance to do something like this. It's such an incredible opportunity for her to do the thing she loves in a place she loves to visit. She's going to have such a great time.

Don't feel sorry for her this weekend either. She's getting a trip to Disneyland and she's getting rid of her chicken sister for several hours every day. That means the Magster gets to go on the rides she wants, when she wants. Matterhorn, Pirates, Haunted House, Splash Mountain, maybe even Space Mountain...all the rides her sister hates. Come to think of it, I think the Magster is more excited about this trip than La Nina.

Missed a few things...

I never wished the Magster a happy 6th birthday. Actually her birthday is the reason I didn't get anything written. We were too busy celebrating or catching up on homework because we spent too much time celebrating. The Magster was totally spoiled on her birthday. I brought her home a Noah's Coffee cake for breakfast, then her Dad and I took Jamba Juices into

her class to celebrate. We surprised her with a Happy Meal for lunch and then hit her favorite Mexican place for dinner. She said it was the best day ever!

I also want to mention that I celebrated my 5th year blogging this month. It's hard to believe that five years after all the pre-adoption, China and post adoption angst I'm still writing about my crazy life. It's also amazing how far we've come. From the days of two kids under 3 to school days, sometimes I need to reread my early posts to remind myself of how out of control those early days were.

While things used to be out of control, today things are more in the state of controlled chaos. Between dance, soccer and other commitments, it seems like there is never a dull moment, but you know, I'm really not one who likes dull moments. Of course, I could use a little quiet every now and then. But now that Maggie has her very own karoake machine, there will no quiet either.

Spin Control

I volunteered in the Magster's class for the first time last week and had this conversation with a little friend of Maggie's.

Friend: Are you Maggie's Mom?

Me: Yes

Friend: Is it true that you flew all the way to China just to pick up Maggie?

Me: Yes

Friend: Whoa, that's so cool. My Mom didn't have to go anywhere to get me.

After I stopped giggling, I had to give my daughter a big hug. The spin was all her. I've never made it sound like a big deal that we flew to China to pick her up. In fact, I'm not even sure how she figured out it's a big deal to fly to China. Regardless, with her ability to spin a story, I'm sure Obama will be looking for her soon.

The New Recruits

Parenthood is so different today than I remember it for my parents. First, there's the whole homework thing that I know my parents never had to deal with. But there's another big change for parents today: Mandatory Volunteer Requirements.

Just about every organization our kids participate in requires parents to donate time to support their efforts. Now I know my parents volunteered, my Dad was big in soccer and my Mom was a room mom more than once. But today it's different. It's every single thing and many organizations require parent attendance at various meetings.

A sampling of my commitments above and beyond work and family includes: Soccer Coach; Scholastic Book coordinator for two classrooms; this month I'm on the preparation team for the kids Faith Formation class plus I'll spend an hour in the Magster's class on Friday. The Dad also gets in on the volunteer act. He'll be in La Nina's class tomorrow and at soccer practice tomorrow.

On top of this, we must attend Faith Formation with the kids monthly, plus First Eucharist preparation classes for both girls (La Nina's in 2nd year, the Magster's in 1st year). So, that's another three hours a month that one of us must attend a meeting with a child. And each program mandates parents volunteer in some capacity, adding even more hours.

It's not that I don't want to help, I do. It's just there's a limit. And it's not like soccer season is just a "bad time." When this ends, dance starts and that lasts through March. Supporting one dancer is just as demanding as coaching an entire soccer team. Trust me on this.

I don't know what the answer is to this situation. You want your kids to know their efforts are supported, so I guess parents today just sleep less. It's just sometimes you have to wonder if all the volunteer time is really needed or if the folks running all these organizations have so many volunteer obligations, they need help!

Second Grade Again

When La Nina entered 2nd grade, we heard rumors: "Be prepared, 2nd grade is tough." "Whoa, that was our hardest year in the program", "We barely survived 2nd grade." So, I felt some trepidation about this year.

The reason for these warnings: HOMEWORK. One month into the year, I feel the pain. Each week La Nina has 15 spelling words to memorize, 2-3 verbs to conjugate, 20 minutes of reading a night, plus a page or two of math every night. Here's the kicker: on top of all of this, this week she has a 2 minute presentation all in Spanish, complete with artifacts to support her presentation (aka props).

Her topic: A favorite hobby, sport or activity. Okay, from my point of view, talking two minutes on dance, this should be easy. Her perspective: talking in front of the class, completely embarrassing.

Well, she started writing the speech on Friday night and got about a minute of material. Saturday, she got the other minute and tonight she made her "props". (Pictures of herself at dance, mounted on construction paper.) Now, she's spent probably 4-5 hours working on this, and it isn't even her homework. And the amount of parental intervention required is brutal. We had to help her pick a topic-- her original idea was tennis: a sport she's never played or seen. We had to help her write the speech. "But what do I say?" to which we answered with lots of leading questions. Then, we had to talk about what a prop could be and help her narrow her options. While all of this occurred, we completed no homework. It's over the top.

Now, we're starting the week, with zero homework completed and a presentation nearly in the bag. I now see why all those parents were warning me. It's going to be a long couple of years. (The Magster does this next year.)

Life of a Working Mom

Thought I'd post this thought, I've known this for years, but today confirmed it: Stay at home moms have it easier than working moms. I know there's a big debate, but in my mind is clear. Here's my proof. From work today, I did the following tasks:

• Through an email, reminded the Dad of the dance dress code, of homework procedures and dinner plans.

• Took a call regarding the size of shirts the girls need from an organization we belong to.

• Helped find a lost home work binder by text message while in a meeting.

Somehow I just don't think working men face the same challenges, and trust me, stay at home moms are completing these tasks and are not worried about launching 6 global web sites in two weeks.

A rare victory in parenthood

La Nina has never been much of a reader. Oh, she reads like a champ, it's just never been pleasurable activity for her. I love to read, so I've always been a little bummed that she didn't just love books.

Recently the whole book thing has gotten worse. I'd pick up a chapter book to read and she'd leave the room. The Magster and I have read probably a dozen chapter books and La Nina has never listened to a single word. I've tried different books, I tried letting her read, I tried letting her pick the book and I got nowhere.

About 2 weeks ago, I started reading Charlotte's Web to Maggie. I didn't push it on La Nina, but slowly she started hanging around the doorway while I was reading. Then a couple of nights later, she was laying on the floor playing with a toy while I was reading. Then, slowly she climbed onto the bed to listen. I never mentioned her new attitude, but every night I was sure to tell both girls I was about to start reading.

Tonight we finished the last two chapters. I didn't want to read the sad chapter and not the happy ending. So, we started early. La Nina was into the ending from the moment I started the chapter. And when Charlotte was left alone in the barn, La Nina wept for her. To the point where the Magster leaned over and said, "It's only a book." (Magster had tears in her eyes too, it's just not her style to get weepy.)

Anyway, we finished the book and I asked the girls what the book was really about. And La Nina answered, "It's about friends, Mom. Charlotte and Wilbur were friends." Inside I gave a little cheer....La Nina got the book, she really got the book.

Then, La Nina asked if she could take the book to her room and read it again, by herself. Needless to say, I handed her the book and I let her read as late as she wanted. I credit Charlotte's Web as the book that made me fall in love with reading. I'm thrilled it hasn't lost the magic.

In other news...

I've started to post a blog at least a dozen times since last week, but nothing posted because I was too tired or too distracted or interrupted by some task I forgot to do. May be this one will get out if I keep things short and sweet.

School started last week for the kids. The Magster's in first grade, La Nina in second. They both seem happy in their classes and are reconnecting with friends, learning new classroom routines and enjoying the resumption of their routines. We're optimistic both girls are going to have great years. The beginning of the school year was a bit anticlimactic for me as I've been working. So really, all it did was take a way a worry. I now know the girls are happy, the dad can work and the house will stay relatively clean all day long.

In other news, soccer is in full swing. I'm coaching the Magster's team again this year. Our team name is the Daffodils. After four practices, the girls are looking good. There's still a little confusion regarding which way to kick the ball, but that will continue for many weeks. The season doesn't kick off until September 12, but I predict we'll have a decent year.

In other news, we're eagerly awaiting the audition results for the Nutcracker. La Nina auditioned for her third performance this year. She's a bit worried she's going to be a gingerbread again or even worse, a mouse. I'm sort of hoping she's an angel or a reindeer, but we'll see Tuesday. I've learned anything can happen in those auditions.

In other news, we've been eating the results of our canning adventure and I have to say, the tomato sauce and crushed tomatoes are fantastic. The jam is good too, just somewhere between syrup and jam in terms of consistency. We're already thinking about next year and swearing to switch jam recipes.

I think that's it. There's laundry waiting on the bed for me, so I need to go fold it.

Like Pioneer Women

Yesterday, my mom, my sister, both of my daughters and I decided to try something new. We decided to can. Yep, just like the women from the prairie days, we gathered in my kitchen along with 60 pounds of tomatoes, 6 pounds of blueberries and many pots of boiling water to preserve a bit of summer for the winter.

The girls were full participants in this endeavor. They washed, scored, blanched, peeled and diced many a fruit yesterday. Actually, I was a bit shocked they could participate at the level they did. Of course, Maggie thought no one worked harder than she did, and La Nina skipped out to buy ice and more jars with her Papa the first chance she got. But that's the nature of my daughters. They also learned first hand that tomatoes really go into tomato sauce and that lemon is a natural preservative. We also talked a lot about how canning was the only way some people ate fruits and vegetables during the winter. I don't think this lesson stuck, but we tried.

As much as we researched this adventure, we missed some of the finer points. For instance, those racks really help in the water baths when you install them correctly. The jar lifters work better when you aren't trying to lift jars with the handles. (We figured that one out late in the afternoon after dropping many jars.) The sound of lids popping is musical is a funny sort of way when you're tired. And no one feels like cooking much after canning all day.

What did we get for our efforts? We each received 8 jars of wonderful blueberry syrup. We were trying for jam, but something went array. However, the syrup tastes awesome. Our 18 bottles of crushed tomatoes look like pumpkin juice. (We used heirlooms...probably should have used romas.) Not sure if that worked out so well or not. Our 18 jars of tomato sauce are amazing. I had some for dinner last night. As long as those jars sealed right, we will be dining like queens and kings this winter.

Mostly, we had a wonderful intergenerational experience, I'm sure the girls will not forget. The whole experience was not difficult. Just time consuming and exhausting. And it's always nice to spend the day working on a project with family, sharing stories and laughing. We had so much fun, we hope to make it an annual event.

What's a mother to do?

Well, La Nina is one week into her 2009-2010 dance season. She only had about 33 days off between seasons, but she was very ready to get back into the studio. Her first day in class she learned that we had passed on letting her participate in the studio's big production number and she's been mad as a hornet ever since.

Our studio's production number is quite a spectacle. It includes about 40 dancers ranging in age from 7 to 18. The girls practice together from about an hour a week and sometimes they have weekend practices as well. Usually our studio production number wins all kinds of awards. For La Nina, participating in this dance is recognition that she is no longer a little girl dancer. It screams that she's made it.

Our reasons for refusing the offer were quite simple. She's 7 and we felt 4 days of dance every week was too much. She already dances 3 days a week and I just wasn't ready to toss her in there with the teens. (I will say they are very nice girls...but still) She sees things a bit different. According to her, it's not fair that her friend (only one, I might add) is allowed to dance with the big girls and she is not. She's been carrying on all week about this terrible decision we've made and the lack of fairness in her life. Finally we told her case closed, no more discussion, but she still stewed in silence.

Fast forward to today. She had a friend over playing for most of the day. Of course, she forced her soccer playing friend into one of her old dance costumes and spent most of the day teaching the poor child an old routine...but whatever. They had fun. Tonight when I was tucking her into bed, I asked her if she had fun today. She agreed it was great to spend the day with her buddy. I pointed out to her the girls in the production number had a 4 hour rehearsal today and if she was in the production number, she couldn't have had the play date.

Her response: I'd rather dance than play. She said this in a tone that was completely matter of fact. I have no doubt she was telling me the truth. There wao manipulation attempted and intended. She then told me next year, she wants to do not only the production number but a competitive ballet piece (lyrical, for those of you familiar with dance). And while my head screamed "no way, kid," my mouth said we'll see.

The truth is I want her to be a little girl who happens to dance for a few more years, not a dancer who happens to be a little girl. However, she's definitely driving this cart hard down the dance path and at some point, we're going to have let her really explore this passion, I just hope it isn't next year. As it is, we've forced her to give up piano and soccer for dance. She was happy to oblige. She told me the other day, she'd give up school and her friends for dance if we let her. And I think she meant it.

I know there are some kids who find a passion very young and never waiver. I remember my friend's son at 3 being obsessed with basketball. At 13, he's playing on a State AAU team. My neighbor's son has never played any sport but baseball, by his choice, not theirs. Several of her dance teachers have told me they never tried other activities...not because their parents didn't encourage other activity, but because they had no interest in anything but dance. I hear all these stories and I think, sure that can happen. I just never thought it would be my kid and I'm really starting to fear it is.

My worries about this are so many. I'm worried she will burn out too young if she gets into deep to fast. I worry she'll get some sort of overuse injury if we let her dance without enough rest. I worry she'll miss out on little girl things like play dates and spontaneous trips to ice cream after school. Then I worry what happens if she changes her mind at 12 and regrets missing so many things when she was young. At the same time, what if she's creating the childhood she wants? And what if her vision of childhood only includes dance studios? What if she wants to pursue a career in dance as a studio owner or give Broadway a shot? Should we really be constraining her at 7 when the sky should be the limit? I think 7 is young, but then what is the right age? 9? 12? Man, it's tough.

I've always said I would support a child's passion and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I support her wholeheartedly. And as she gets older, if she continues down this path, I see sending her to summer workshops and national competitions, if that's what she wants to do. But at 7, I wish she'd just slow down and enjoy being 7. She's got the rest of her life to pursue this whole dance thing.

Reunions

For the second time in three weeks, we're just back from a travel group reunion. If you don't have the good fortune to belong to a travel group, a travel group is the complete strangers you are tossed together with in China when you adopt children together. What's funny is you know all the details of about their kids and very few details about the parents. But you know some very important things: you know, that a person was kind enough to loan you a blanket when you forgot one; you know that a person found a doctor for their child and then told you about it; you know that the mom cried harder than her daughter when they first saw each other.

Then, for the rest of your child's life you have this interesting tie: you know the most important things, but you have gaps. For instance, you often never find out what people do for a living. Sometimes you really aren't clear where people live. Sometimes, you don't know first names, because you've developed amusing nicknames.

Reunions are the times figure all this stuff out. Once a year or every the year, our groups gather and it's a chance for us to reconnect or sometimes connect for the first time. During this round of reunions, we learned that a dad we knew to be creatively talented sings and writes songs, then we were amazed when a big sister from a different family sat down and sang beautifully as well. We visited with a Mom who's fighting cancer and saw the embodiment of toughness and determination. And we had a giggle about someone's big secret.

But no matter what we learn, we learned the most important things in China. These are people who love their girls as much as we love ours. And ultimately, it's that love that is the common bond.

Updates

In a meeting today with two other Moms, Woman A was getting emails (on her phone) about foil needed for a hot dog sale the next day, Woman B's husband was packing for vacation and couldn't find the swim goggles so he called, Woman C's husband texted wanting to know what was for dinner. Then we had a good laugh. How are we supposed to do business under these conditions? It was so pathetic.

Earlier that day, I received a video email from my family. The Magster lost her second tooth while eating lunch at the Hop Yard. She didn't swallow it as her Dad thought. It somehow fell from her mouth and landed under her chair where La Nina found it. She felt nothing, didn't bleed, it sort of just leapt out. How does this happen? It's a mystery.

Before I started my new job, the Dad bought me a new iPhone. Now, I'm not a gadget person. Prior to this phone, I regularly forgot my phone at home and left it uncharged, I was just pathetic. Now, I'm never without my phone. I love it. I've used the GPS to find the skating rink, I use the grocery gadget to keep one shopping list for the Dad and I to coordinate the grocery shopping, I actually text all the time, I get email at work (if you use the right account), I frankly, don't know how I lived without it. After all these years of carrying a cell phone, I finally really like it.

That's it for now. Good night everyone.

Where's One Lucky Mom?

I think the question is where isn't One Lucky Mom. Since I blogged last, I've been in 4 states, in the mountains, on the beach and even in an office working. Yes, you read that right...I landed a job.

A quick recap: With the family we drove 1,000 miles on the annual trip to Colorado. After being gone 10 days, we returned home and two day later I started a job. I worked three days, then we packed up the car and headed to Pismo Beach for the Magster's travel group reunion. When came back from that trip, just in time for me to get the grocery shopping done and get back to work. And that's where I've been ever since.

This weekend is the first weekend since May (yes, May!) when we don't have something major happening. We define major as a dance recital or a trip out of town. So, if you're wondering where I've been, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

A Whole New World

It was well over one hundred degrees here today and the kids and I headed to the pool.  Of course, we didn't get there until noon and all the shady spots near the pool were taken, but there are some great trees that line the edges of the club, so we picked out a nice spot under a willow.  The problem:  we were easily 25 yards from the pools edge, my usual hang out when the kids are swimming.  I've always been so paranoid around that I won't leave the edge of the pool.  

Oh, the pool is lifeguarded.  And really, La Nina has been water safe for years.  But the Magster is more reluctant in the water, so I never felt good leaving her in the pool...even with lifeguards, even to just run to the bathroom.  

But this year, things are different.  The Magster took off during swim lessons and swam the length of the pool many, many times during the past two weeks.  And she swam it in multiple strokes:  the free style, the breast stroke as well as the back stroke.  Really, she's completely water safe.  Even I can't justify my own paranoia any longer.  

So, it came down to this:  both kids swim strong enough to save themselves.  The lifeguards (two of them) were there to handle anything catastrophic and enforce rules (did I ever tell you about La Nina's ability to perform flips into the pool?)..what was I worrying about?  So, I did it.  I sat in the shade, I read a magazine and relaxed.....when I wasn't so hot I was in the pool myself.  It was so odd.  Wonderful and delightful.  Suddenly, our pool membership is a lot more appealing.  Now, if they just served Lava Flows, I'd be in business.

CSA Madness

Earlier this year, I joined a CSA.  Unless you're from a crazy place like California you've probably never heard of one.  CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture, which still doesn't explain exactly what a CSA is either.  In a CSA, you pay a lump sum to a farmer at the beginning of a growing season and every week you receive a share of the farmers crop.  Most farmers set up trades with other farmers, so your share isn't 15 pounds of kale, but is more a mix of fruits and vegetables.   And our farmer wisely set up a trade with a local bakery, so we always get some fabulous baked good using the fruits and vegetables from the farm.  

The theory is this is a win-win.  The consumer gets access to high quality, locally grown, seasonally fresh produce.  The farmer knows his revenue early in the season and can better plan his crops.  The environment wins because locally grown produce is locally consumed and not transported across the country.

In my case, the farm is within five miles of my house, on Foothill Rd. for those familiar with the city where I live.  Every Wednesday I pick up a load of fresh produce.  The catch is I have no say in what kinds of fruits and vegetables I receive.  I get what I get and I don't pitch a fit--for the kids, this has been a bit of a learning. 

Since our season started the first week of June, I've received peaches, nectarines, pluots, lettuce, kale, swiss chard, cauliflower, onions, shallots, garlic, squash, mint, rosemary, thyme and other things I know I'm forgetting.  I have had to adjust to having my vegetables and not buying anything else.  I'm learning to cook some new things.

It's also come with some challenges:  so what to do with 2 lbs of pluots when both girls refuse to eat them?  (The answer: pluot tarts that are to die for.)   It's come with some victories:  the Magster actually ate swiss chard and liked it.  La Nina ate two nectarines, but that isn't shocking..she's a good fruit and veggie eater.  

From my perspective, it's been a win.  I'm enjoying the spontaneity of cooking with farm fresh ingredients.  And we're all getting spoiled.  The flavor of this food is really spectacular.  We're eating more fruits and veggies than ever earlier in the season than ever before.  And now, we're scoping out the egg CSA also offered by our farm.  A dozen fresh eggs a week for 10 weeks.  Hmmmm, I may be making the trip to the farm a second day a week.