Another Week Ends

It is funny in the adoption process how you start just passing the time by the end of weeks or weekends. In my case I count both. On Thursdays, I breathe a big sigh of relief and think, 'thank goodness I made it through another week'. On Sundays, I breathe another sigh of relief and think, 'I just have to make it through this next week and we are closer to leaving'. It doesn't matter how good or bad the week is. It doesn't matter how busy or slow. All that matters is that it is over and it is closer to when we leave.

When I know something is going to happen but I don't know exactly when it is going to happen, I get a little 'zen' about it all. It will happen when it is supposed to happen, therefore, each week means I am a week closer. I just don't know how I should be counting the word 'closer'. Am I half way there? Am I two thirds the way there? I don't know. I am just 'closer'.

It makes planning hard too. And for me, an admitted obsessive/compulsive planner, this is really tough. I have no problem with spontaniety as long as I am spontaneous from a plan. I always have some sort of plan in my head and most of the time, it is written down. My plan is my parameters. It is the boundaries in which I have to operate. So, departing from the plan is ok, as long as I know what the plan is is.

Of course, in the China adoption process, you don't really know the plan. I know we will leave home, fly to China, meet our baby, spend at least two weeks doing paperwork, then we fly home and have a life. The baby sets the plan for quite a while at first, and you just fumble along until you are smart enough to out plan the baby. With Carly, it was easy. She is a child after my own heart, and once she was over the jet lag, she fell into a pattern very quickly. She loves structure and frankly, needs it. I am probably going to get a free spirit in Maggie, and she and I will tussle over a 'plan' for the rest of our lives.

In many ways, this is the part of adoption that makes it so similar to child birth. I, too, have a due date. Now I know which month it is in, I just don't know the day. I, too, have labor pains. Trust me, knowing Maggie is in an orphanage waiting for us, is painful. Not physically, of course, but emotionally and mentally. Everyday I just hope she is ok. I hope she is getting fed and cared for by some kind soul. I hope someone talks to her, someone hands her a toy if she drops it, comforts her when she cries. I hope they put on music to help her pass her days. I hope she isn't over dressed and is comfortable. I hope she is safe. I know what ever care she is receiving isn't the same as if she were home.

As another week ends, I look forward to passing another week. I know this next week will be busy. I know that will make it go fast. That is good. Then we will be a week closer to travel. And that is even better.