New Television Rules

To the children in the house:

Due to World Cup soccer, we're instituting a few new television rules in our household. These rules are only in effect until World Cup ends in mid-July.

1.) There is no longer a 90 minute limit on morning television. You are allowed to watch as many hours of television as it takes to get through the two full length soccer games.

2.) There will be no asking your mother questions when the ball is in front of either net. She must concentrate on the game and is not responsible for any answer she gives. And no, you may not eat cookies for breakfast no matter what I say.

3.) Under certain circumstances it is okay to call a player, referee or situation "stupid". Those instances may include (but are not limited to) players who are red-carded in the first half, goalies who drop balls they should catch unless it results in a US goal in which case we don't complain and obviously fair goals that are called back by referees who are blind to muggings in progress.

4.) Your mother is allowed to rewatch goals on the DVR as often as she likes and you may not question her. She's checking for offsides.

5.) Your mother is allowed to explain any play she feels it is important for you to understand and you are expected to watch the play and nod accordingly. She may give you a quarter if you ask a question about the play in question.

6.) If any adult in the house utters a swear word while watching the game, you are to dismiss it from your memory immediately and if anyone asks if you've ever heard that word, then you are never to answer, "My mother says that all the time while watching soccer."

7.) Under no circumstances is anyone in the household allowed to change the channel during a game.

8.) Once the final game is played, normal rules are back into effect and yes, the word stupid is back on the bad word list once World Cup is over.