The One That Could Cause Therapy
In general, I am fairly cautious about what I write about my kids. I try not to write anything that will shame or humiliate either girl in later years. But I also vowed when I started this blog to keep my journey in parenthood real. So, tonight, all bets are off on the shame and humiliation. I will pay for the therapy session this post causes.
Today, La Nina took oppositional three year old behavior to a whole new level. She looked me in the eye and well, let loose, just to spite me. Not once mind you, twice. (Now, grandparents, don't give this child the benefit of the doubt.) She was cold and calculated in this act. She even ended the "accident" with a flat..."Accidents happen sometimes, Mom." The first time, I was stunned and not quite sure the act was intentional and wanting to believe the best. The second time, there was no doubt about it...she did it intentionally. She was angry at me for not letting her put toothpaste on her own toothbrush and she went. On the stool. In the bathroom. And looked me in the eye while she did it. She never broke eye contact.
I have heard of other children doing this deed to spite their parents. And I always thought smugly, "Not my child." Well, let me tell you, my child did it and frankly, I am not quite sure how to handle it. The first time I consequated her by shutting down the computer. The second time I cancelled a picnic at the park, but she really didn't care. I made her clean up both messes too, but I saw her smiling while she worked. So, my child who potty trained just after two is using her control to try to control me, and it won't work! Unbelievable!
Today, La Nina took oppositional three year old behavior to a whole new level. She looked me in the eye and well, let loose, just to spite me. Not once mind you, twice. (Now, grandparents, don't give this child the benefit of the doubt.) She was cold and calculated in this act. She even ended the "accident" with a flat..."Accidents happen sometimes, Mom." The first time, I was stunned and not quite sure the act was intentional and wanting to believe the best. The second time, there was no doubt about it...she did it intentionally. She was angry at me for not letting her put toothpaste on her own toothbrush and she went. On the stool. In the bathroom. And looked me in the eye while she did it. She never broke eye contact.
I have heard of other children doing this deed to spite their parents. And I always thought smugly, "Not my child." Well, let me tell you, my child did it and frankly, I am not quite sure how to handle it. The first time I consequated her by shutting down the computer. The second time I cancelled a picnic at the park, but she really didn't care. I made her clean up both messes too, but I saw her smiling while she worked. So, my child who potty trained just after two is using her control to try to control me, and it won't work! Unbelievable!
posted by One Lucky Mom @ 7:36 PM
2 Comments:
At 8:49 PM ,
Anonymous said...
just so you know, i don't spank. i don't think it's constructive. i have a 7 year old who's almost 8. we adopted her at 4 after an abandonment. she acted out often out of her own trauma, but also because it took her a while to 'accept' our authority over her. she's been in therapy for three years. our therapist says we're the best parents she's ever met...which warms my heart during the bad times.
okay, so. here it is. the behavior you describe is oppositional behavior whereby your daughter is testing to see who's boss. it sounds like she thinks she is. that's not a good thing.
so, i have always told my daughter i would never spank her. in the midst of a fit where she stood in the hallway nake threatening to pee on the floor, i told her i was revising my rule. that there would be one thing in our family that would garner a spanking. going potty on the floor. she stared at me in the eye and did it. she was just 4. i made her clean it up. she didn't seem to care. i told her to turn around and i spanked her twice (less hard than i would to get ketchup from the bottom of the bottle) and just that tap made her immediately break down in tears. the tears weren't from the hurt. the tears were from her submission.
she's almost 8 and she remembers this. i even heard her tell a friend, my mom would never spank me unless i did one thing that's really against the rules.
the point is, you don't have to spank, but there has to be a deal breaker moment. a moment that she knows, beyond any doubt, that you're in charge. good luck!
At 10:34 PM ,
One Lucky Mom said...
Funny that spanking came up. I was tempted, but didn't do it and then wondered if I should have.
A friend of mine's child did this same evil deed and absolutely ignoring it worked for my friend. She said she would ask her daughter if she was done, then send her daughter to clean herself. When the child realized the action illicited no additional attention, the action stopped.
Any other advice out there?
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