Confessions of a Bad (or Real) Mom

Dear Mr. Pediatrician-

I'm so glad we were able to visit at my daughter 4 year old well baby appointment. It was great catching up. I feel the need to refute my honesty yesterday for fear my true parenting abilities have been uncovered. You see, when I answered that questionaire on the care and feeding of my daughter, I was honest. I felt it would set a bad precedent if I blatantly lied to you in front of my daughter. So, below is my confession:

1.) Hours of television: I don't like television, I rarely watch television, I haven't even glanced at Survivor or the Apprentice this season, and frankly, my kids don't watch that much television because I don't have it on. It stresses me out during the day. But in the mornings, television allows me to read the paper and have a cup of coffee. I'm a writer...I have to read the paper. It's like a job requirement, for crying out loud! The television--PBS, Disney or Nick Jr for Dora and Diego-- is on two hours tops. So, when you asked hours of television a day, I answered two. Is my daughter plopped in front of it for the entire two hours? Well, she eats breakfast, gets dressed, washes her face, brushes her teeth and hair and puts on her shoes with the television droning away during that two hours. She likes the background noise. Thank you for explaining to me the detrimental impacts of television on my daughter's developing brain and reminding me it's supposed to be less than one hour a day.

2.) Milk consumption: I know, I know, I know. Sixteen ounces of cow's milk a day. You guys are big on this. Here's the trouble: the Magster. She will only drink milk every other day. The kid will dehydrate herself before will drink milk when she isn't mentally prepared for it. When she is in the mood for milk, she drinks it. It just isn't an all the time thing with her. I give it to her at meals and sometimes at snacks, but if I need her to drink, I have to give her juice. Some how the whole dehydration thing scares me. Then La Nina sees the Magster getting juice, and I'm up a creek with out a paddle. So, when you asked: Yes or No, sixteen ounces of milk consumed daily, I answered NO. Again, that honesty thing bit me. I will try to do better on the milk thing, but I defy you to get the Magster to drink her milk. In fact, I will give you $100 for every day in a single week she drinks milk. BUT if she skips a day, you give me $100. Trust me, I will win this bet.

3.) The Car Seat: Ok, it was only one time. La Nina has been really into talking about the one time I let her ride with me in the back of the van with just a seat belt, but it was only one time. It was on the dirt roads at the ranch in Colorado. There were no other cars and I was practically holding her. When you asked her if she always uses her car seat, I knew I was doomed. I swear the story she told you was a single instance. When I did glance at you from under the chair I crawled, you seemed to be amused. I hope my pink cheeks didn't give me away.

4.) The Flexibility Thing: Your questionaire asked about unusual talents, so I listed it. You have to admit, it qualifies as unusual. I warned you she was REALLY flexible, but you just had to see, didn't you? I saw the doubt creep across your face when I told you she could wrap her legs around her head and eat dinner through her legs. You cringed when she sunk into the sideway splits with ease, and I saw your eyes widen when she then laid flat on the floor. Thank goodness, I stopped her from then rolling forward onto her belly...that's the one that gets me. I know. I've never seen anything quite like it either. Thank you for the referral to the orthopedic. As you recommended, we'll give them a call to find out if there are any risks associated with our daughter's rather odd contortionist capabilities. It certainly doesn't seem to bother her.

That's it on the confessions. I really want to be honest with you, so please don't judge me too harshly for my imperfect parenthood.

Your honest parent

PS Glad La Nina is doing well.