Dust Bunnies Threaten Local Family

MY HOME TOWN:  A local woman reported a dust bunny the size of a mountain lion in her suburban home yesterday.  

The woman had just returned from Christmas shopping when the bunny dashed across the entry of her house.  

"At first, I didn't think I saw it right," said the woman, who asked her name be withheld, "but then, it came out and looked me in the eye.  It wasn't even scared. And it wasn't a bunny.  It was the size of a cougar."  

The woman reported the dust 'cougar' threatened her dog before sliding under a credenza in the hall.  Animal control officers were called to the scene to help secure the home.

"We arrived at 2pm and found the woman and her dog penned on the couch," said Officer Smith.  "The bunny was rolling in front of them like a big cat."  

Officer subdued the beast with a high-powered vacuum, then searched the home for any other critters.  According to animal control, six more dust cougars were found hiding in corners, under beds and behind the Little Pony Palace.  

Experts say evil dust bunnies tend to run rampant this time of year.  Women, distracted by shopping, wrapping, baking and parties common, often fall behind on household chores giving bunnies a toe-hold.

"Once those little devils get in some place, they multiple like rabbits," said Smith.  

The dog was removed from the home as a precautionary measure and the woman was given a book of housekeeping tips by Martha Stewart.  The woman, stressed by the holidays, uttered an obscenity at receiving the book and tossed the officers out.