On Race

I rarely think about the fact that I live in a bi-racial family. Occasionally, some ignorant comment will remind me, but the race issue isn't something that I live day in and day out. Yet, adopting kids a different race than me has taught me something. Race matters. Race matters very, very much to people of color.

Recently, I was taking my kids to a play date with a ethnically Chinese family. By this I mean, a family with a mom born and educated in China and obviously, Chinese kids. I don't know them that well, so I was coaching my kids on a few cultural differences. Eat what is offered, take off your shoes at the door, for crying out loud, no sassy American behavior in front of them. Okay some of my warnings were hopeless.

Anyway, as we were pulling up in front of the house, I asked the girls, "What do you want me to say if they ask about your adoption?" When I suspect I'll get questions, I ask this and basically, let the kids dictate my answers. Afterall, it's their adoption not mine I'm discussing. And much to my surprise, my ultra sensitive child answered, "You can talk about it to them. They're Chinese."

I was stunned. This child has never, I mean never, approved any discussion of her adoption. So, I asked, "Why is this different?" And they answer, "They'll understand Mom. You can talk to Chinese people about it."

Her response has sent my head spinning. Even though my kids are growing up in a white world, they share a comfort level with Asians that catches me off guard. I kid myself that race isn't an issue. But it is, whether I'm aware of it or not. It also made me feel bad for them. Perhaps I need to make a bigger effort to get them into environments with more people of Chinese descent.

It's funny that eight years into this adoption journey, my kids are still schooling me in the world of growing up bi-racially. I hope I'm a good enough student to make the most of these lessons to make their journey as rewarding as possible.