30 things I can't do while I'm in the shower

For years now, my showers have been a public event. If I want privacy while showering, I have to go to the gym. In my house, when I step in the warm spray, it's like the kids hear the theme song for "Phineas and Ferb". They come running to see the spectacle. I've tried locking the door. They actually walked into the yard and entered through the slider. They've also staged sit ins outside the locked door. So, I'm hoping to clarify exactly what I can not do while I'm in the shower in order to gain a shred of privacy and may be a little peace and quiet too.

I cannot:

1.) Brush your hair

2.) Open the tooth paste

3.) Make your breakfast

4.) Find your missing soccer sock. (By the way, the game isn't for several hours.)

5.) Tell you where Thomas Jefferson graduated from college or how many children he had

6.) Time your reading

7.) Help you conjugate verbs

8.) Get the new tights out of your dresser

9.) Spell check your email to your friend

10.) Find your missing tap shoe

11.) Change the channel on the television

12.) Remove the parental controls on the television, even if it is a show you're allowed to watch

13.) Reach a water for you to take to school

14.) Read the school lunch menu, which is hung conveniently where you can read it yourself

15.) Find your library book, when I didn't even know you had a library book

16.) Help you trim your toe nails

17.) Find hair ties

18.) Find your back pack

19.) Find your bootie shorts

20.) Make brownies for pulga

21.) Explain why it doesn't snow here

22.) Explain why Santa doesn't visit Jewish kids

23.) Explain why the tooth fairy sometimes forgets you lost a tooth

24.) Explain why "Susie" tooth fairy brings $5 per tooth and yours only brings $1

25.) Tell you what People magazine means when it says "It's Over" next to Taylor Swift and some guy

26.) Tell you why the lady in people magazine wears a dress that almost shows her privates

27.) Explain you why you shouldn't be reading People magazine.

28.) Change the cookies I put in your lunch for goldfish

29.) Cut the crusts off your peanut butter sandwich

30.) Stitch the piece of elastic onto your hat for dance, when I never even knew you had a piece of elastic that needed to be stitched on by today

Finally, I'll never understand why you are bugging me while I'm in the shower when your father is sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper and sipping coffee in complete quiet. He is completely capable of covering all of the items above.