Happy family with the tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff...

Three beauties

Tiggerific!

The girls with Mulan. That's what I'm talkin' about!

Is it just me?

So, as is our birthday tradition, we spent part of this week at Disneyland, celebrating with Maggie. I could regale everyone of cute tales of kids in paradise, but something happened that has left me curious.

While we were at Disneyland, everyday for 3 straight days, I had a very interesting adoption conversation with a total stranger. The first conversation was with a woman in her late twenties who was adopted from Korean. She blushingly asked where my girls were from. She was embarrassed to ask me, she explained, because as a child she hated when people asked her parents about her and here she was doing the same thing to other kids.

I was thrilled to meet an adult Korean adoptee, so I told her rudeness all depended on the spirit in which the questions were asked. She seemed to like that answer, and we had a fabulous, 10-minute conversation about her experience growing up biracial. She was extremely jealous when I told her that we were still in contact with families who adopted with us. She said the first time she met another Korean adoptee was when she was 18. Isn't that amazing? How isolating her experience must have been!

The next day, I was in the Haunted House with Maggie. (I have mentioned she is fearless, haven't I?) Anyway the woman standing next to me, asked me if she was Chinese. I thought, "Here we go again." Then, before I could answer, she told me she had just received her referral. She whipped out a baby picture before the elevator darkened. So, I was really glad she said something to me. How special to see her pictures.

Finally, our last morning, in Toon Town, I was watching a Mom with an Asian baby playing on a car. I was wondering if the baby was adopted, when another man, asked about my girls. I was so focused on this third family, I was totally confused by his question. Anyway, he thought my confusion was reluctance, so he told me they have their first meeting with an agency in Arizona next week and they are starting a home study for China. So, there we were, in the middle of Toon Town, talking about the finer points of putting together a dossier, playing the waiting game and traveling to China.

Couple these experiences with the fact I saw several families that looked like ours and it left me wondering...do adoptive families just go to Disneyland more than other families? Or is it that because we look a little different, so we are easy to spot and connect with? Or is it that adoption from China is so common that on any given day there are several adoptive families at Disneyland? I don't know, but it was a fascinating experience.

Happy Birthday, Maggie! 

My Baby is Two

Today is the Magster's second birthday and we celebrated in style. We had her favorite meal, spaghetti, greenbeans and garlic bread. And her favorite dessert: frosting and ice cream. There was some cake with the frosting, but the Magster left her cake untouched while she licked its top clean. We opened gifts, sang the birthday song and blew out candles many times, just for the thrill of watching the flame go out. It was such a joyful day for all of us. While it may have been Maggie's second birthday, it was her first with us and we relished every moment we had with her.

Last year this time, we had our referral and were waiting to travel. For me, the worst part of the adoption wait was always from referral to travel. Once I have that picture of my daughter in my hand, I am ready to get on a plane. It is just excruciatingly painful to sit and wonder about a child's well-being from 10,000 miles away. Then, to have a child pass a milestone such as a first birthday alone in an orphanage unaware of the existence of a family who loves them is heartbreaking.

Last year, we did what we could to recognize the milestone from a distance. We sent her a gift and included a donation to ensure she had some cake. We also included a note with our package expressing our wishes. Then, we called the orphanage the day of her birthday to remind them it was her day and she had a family who was looking out for her. Over the top? Perhaps, but we know they listened to us. When we received our disposable camera back from her caretakers, we found pictures of her first birthday party and we were so happy to see her dressed in the outfit we sent, eating cake and looking confused at the commotion. While I will always be grateful for their efforts, I still feel a loss for missing that day.

I have found this birthday, Maggie's second, more emotional than any birthday with La Nina. My theory is La Nina has spent all her birthdays with us, and I am grieving Maggie's first birthday all over again. I look at my little one now and my eyes well up with tears. She is such a spirited little thing. She deserved to have her family last year and we deserved to have her. While I am so incredibly grateful we got her soon after her birthday, I will probably always feel a little regret that we missed the first.

When you adopt a child that isn't a newborn, everyone thinks you miss all the firsts. But it isn't like that at all. You have your "firsts" with that child. You may miss her sitting up for the first time, but you will never forget the first time you see her sit up, or crawl, or smile, or whatever. And so now I have my first birthday with my daughter. It was a long time coming, but I can assure you, this is another first I will never forget.

Explain This

So, this health club I joined recently had a member appreciation day. To celebrate, the staff arranged a variety of of free services for its members. I noticed something amusing while attending the event.

Most of the membership of the club is stay at home Moms. We drop the kids off, work out, go shopping, pick the kids up and head home where the real work out starts. So, on this day of appreciation, the gym arranged services geared toward Moms. There were chair massages to relax our shoulders exhausted from lugging children and their accessories, there was a hand massage station to moisturize our dish pan hands and there was eye brow waxing to rip the hair from our face by its roots.

Now, which line would you guess was the longest? Relaxation or Anguish? Moisturizing or tweezing? Knot removal or hair removal? You could have combine the two massage lines and it would not have been half of the waxing line. And it made me wonder: why would a group of Moms pass up pampering for a few seconds of pure pain? Does motherhood attract masochists? Have the children dulled our minds to the point where waxing sounds good?

Moms all just want to feel pretty and a nice eye brow wax gets you there faster than a massage. When you are living in peanut butter smeared jeans and noses are wiped on your shoulders during every hug, a nicely groomed brow makes a psychological difference. So, a bit of pretty won out over a bit of pampering for most moms that day. Is it really that surprising?

It's a Lonely Job

I had a friend for dinner recently and she asked about my transition to being a stay at home mom. I am closing in on my one year anniversary of my last day at work. I told her that I found staying home isolating. She was confused. She knows I live in a neighborhood with lots of other Moms who are home during the day. She knows many of my close friends are also home with their kids. She knows I have family close by. So she asked me, "Why do you feel isolated if you are surrounded by people?" and at the time I couldn't give her a good answer.

I mulled this question all week and here is my answer: The children are the reason I feel so isolated. Ever tried to have a conversation with a 3 year old and a nearly 2 year old running around? It is pretty much impossible to have a conversation and maintain the level of viligence required to keep your kids from flushing an unknown object down the toilet.

It is even worse if you try to have that conversation at a park. Your conversation consists of a single sentence, punctuated (in my case) by, "Maggie get off that" or "La Nina, you just went". As Moms will tell you, we are very good at fragmented conversations. Most of these conversations include frequent "as I/you was/were saying"...., but somehow the emotional connection is lost in the nose, hand and butt wipes that transpire during a visit.

So, go out at night, right? Now this is possible, plausible, even a darn good idea, but again a challenge. Why? Simple: exhaustion. If you have little kids, you are tired. You crave sleep. You want to be home in bed. Alone. Sleeping. You aren't sipping chardonnay and gabbing with friends about the experience of staying home when you have little kids. If you are out with other Moms, this is the only chance you may have to get some expert advice. You want to know about things like potty training, breaking bad sleep habits and dressing your obstinant two year old. And you want the readers' digest version. 'Just give me the solutions, ladies, skip the frills. I need to get home and get to sleep, thank you.'

So, life with little kids is isolating. It isn't a surprise and it is really to be expected when you consider the completely normal ego-centric nature of little kids. The good news is the little ones do grow up, and then we all complain about how lonely the house feels once they are gone.

Oops...I Almost Forgot!

It just dawned on me that I forgot to recognize my own 1st anniversary of this blog. I started this blog October 1, 2004, as a way to kill time and find sanity while we waited to travel for Ms. Maggie. A year later, our little one is safely home and well-adjusted to her new family, my blog lauched a free-lance writing hobby and I am a full-time, stay at home Mom. Whoddathunk... especially on the stay home Mom part.

So, thank you to everyone who continues to check in on my meanderings and misadventures. Writing allows me to find humor, wisdom and silliness in events that otherwise might make me crazy. Thank you to all the people who comment or email me privately. Your encouragement and occasional spelling pointers are always welcome. Thank you to my kids for being the best muses a writer could ask for and thank you to my husband for putting up with my clicking keyboard while he watches Fox News.

You Speak Chinese?

Our local farmers' market has a wonderful Asian fruit stand, and I love getting pears from the seller. So, this weekend, the Magster and I made our way to his booth. As usual, I took a couple of elbows from the Chinese Grandmas who were also shopping there, but that is to be expected at this stall.

While Maggie and I were waiting, the farmer asked a young Asian woman standing next to me if she spoke Chinese. She answered "Yes" and the two of them began conversing in depth on a topic of which I do not know. Without looking at me, he grabbed my pears, weighed them and told me the cost. As I handed him my cash and grabbed the pears, I said, "Shi-Shi" or "Thank you" in Chinese.

That little gesture halted business at the fruit stand. His chin dropped. The old women spun their heads so quickly I worried for their necks. Even the young woman next to me raised her eye brow.

Not knowing what else to do, I turned to leave. I could have impressed them with a "Nihao" but then I would have used my entire Chinese vocabulary in one day. As I was loading my pears in the stroller, a woman my age asked "Do you speak Chinese?" I said, "No, I only know a couple of words."

"Why you know words?" comes the question from the farmer.

"I have traveled to China three times," I answered.

About then, one of the old women spotted Maggie munching Kettle Corn in the stroller. She let out kind of a screechy, "aiiiiieeee" and pointed at Maggie.

"Your daughter is Chinese?" the younger woman asked. She was translating for the old women by this point.

I proudly said, "Yes. Both of my girls were born in China. They are Chinese."

And let me tell you, from that moment on, Maggie was royalty in the pear stand. The older women gushed about her beauty and smarts, the woman my age asked if I intended to learn Chinese and the farmer kept offering Maggie pear samples. I tried to tell him she is opposed to all fruit, but it was to no avail. He kept after her, and she just hid behind my leg.

In the end, I learned a lesson about culture. The people in the stand probably assumed I knew nothing of their culture. And admittedly, I know very little. I could have been offended by being ignored but instead I reached out and received a very warm welcome in return.

Sleeplessness

For some reason, at almost 2, Maggie is back to her old habit of sleeplessness. Aren't kids supposed to outgrow this phase? I thought it ended with solid foods. No? Well, my angel is up at about 3AM almost every morning, screaming to beat the band. She settles down or wears herself out again at about 5AM, sleeps until maybe 6AM, and that is it for the night. I am worn out. She is fine. Why is that?

At least with this round of sleepless nights, I have a theory on its causes. I am assuming it is related to her speech development. She is adding words and phrases so quickly now, it is amazing. She is also doing the "No _____" phrase a lot. "No Bed" "No Night-Night" "No tired" seem to be her favorites, the little scamp. Whenever she wakes up in the middle of the night, she always seems to have something to say. It isn't terribly useful, but it is something. "Magme (her name for herself) no sleep." "Magme up". "Magme want mama." "Magme wants Pooh." (Pooh is the first TV show on at 5:30. It is sad she knows that is on early, even sadder that I know it.) It just seems language is bursting out of her, like all her little synapses are firing and she can't settle them down.

The other difference I noticed in this sleepless phase: she is taking killer naps. During the other phases, it was no sleep, no naps. But now, she is napping like a champ. Luckily my 6 months of work to get the girls' naps coordinated is still paying off and she usually naps at the same time as La Nina. So, I can get a catnap in myself. And believe me, I do. For me, napping is a requirement when I am not sleeping at night. This is the part of motherhood at 40 that no one tells you about. I truly believe sleep deprivation hurts worse now than ever before.

I just have to marvel at how different my two kids are. La Nina would not miss an hour's sleep for anything. She tells me when she is tired and rarely baulks at naps. In fact, if I am running late for her nap, she will go lie down on her own. The Magster, on the other hand, fights every single moment of sleep. When she knows it is nap time, she goes running through the house, screaming "Noooo". Let's just hope this phase passes quickly. It has been going for almost a week now and I am worn out!