The Real Reason I Quit My Job

Now that the word is out about my "retirement", I am frustrated by the number of people who are acting as if I joined the holy crusade of motherhood. It mostly comes from retired people or other stay at home Moms who are oh-so-kindly slamming my past life. They say things like, "well, it is good you finally realized what is REALLY important" or "Your life is so much happier now, you don't need that job" or my personal favorite "And to think you were so committed to that career just last year, now look at you."

Yeah, look at me, I am covered in smeared peanut butter and drool, and I drive a minivan. I can smell a bad diaper from another room. I can name all 4 Wiggles and Teletubbies, and I can sing the entire Princess Collection of Songs. My planning skills are now used to coordinate nap schedules and I am rarely successful. But I digress...

I am left wondering exactly what these statements mean. Providing for my family wasn't important? Accomplishing something professionally wasn't important? My life before wasn't happy? Boy, all of this is news to me.

It was pretty miserable traveling the world on business, experiencing different cultures. And I guess it wasn't fun figuring out how to deliver big projects. And those paychecks weren't nice and neither were those benefits. Oh yeah, it was really awful going out to dinner at nice restaurants and drinking fine wine on a Tuesday night, just because there was nothing in the 'frig. As I was saying....

I liked working and deciding to stop working wasn't an easy decision for me. I never sat in my office pining for a stay home assignment. I quit because I don't think I can do both. I don't believe I can find a balance between a full time job and my responsibilities to my family. Ultimately, if I can't find balance, I won't be happy in any aspect of my life, work or home. I value my personal happiness too much to risk losing it. That is why I quit. My reasons are completely about self preservation, not about some romanticized notion of motherhood.

What have I done? Why have the girls been in full meltdown since I gave notice? Are they playing some sort of a twisted game of chicken with me? Why? Why?

Being a Mom is hard, I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to do it full-time. I am staying home with the girls, because I would be no good as a stressed out basket case, rushing home in time to kiss them good night. I am not staying home because this is my dream job. May be I'm a bad person for admitting that. May be I don't know what is really important. May be I'm not worthy of the opportunity I have been given. Regardless, I made the right decision for me, no matter what my reasons.

Before I had kids, I always hated it when people implied that childless couples/singles were unhappy, unfilled or lonely. I liked my life before kids. In fact, I fantasize about it often these days. (What I wouldn't give for one uninterupted cup of coffee.) Now, I find it just as offensive when I hear people implying that I was unhappy and unfulfilled working. It simply isn't true and I am left to wonder if the people who make these statements ever had a job they truly enjoyed.