My Baby is Two

Today is the Magster's second birthday and we celebrated in style. We had her favorite meal, spaghetti, greenbeans and garlic bread. And her favorite dessert: frosting and ice cream. There was some cake with the frosting, but the Magster left her cake untouched while she licked its top clean. We opened gifts, sang the birthday song and blew out candles many times, just for the thrill of watching the flame go out. It was such a joyful day for all of us. While it may have been Maggie's second birthday, it was her first with us and we relished every moment we had with her.

Last year this time, we had our referral and were waiting to travel. For me, the worst part of the adoption wait was always from referral to travel. Once I have that picture of my daughter in my hand, I am ready to get on a plane. It is just excruciatingly painful to sit and wonder about a child's well-being from 10,000 miles away. Then, to have a child pass a milestone such as a first birthday alone in an orphanage unaware of the existence of a family who loves them is heartbreaking.

Last year, we did what we could to recognize the milestone from a distance. We sent her a gift and included a donation to ensure she had some cake. We also included a note with our package expressing our wishes. Then, we called the orphanage the day of her birthday to remind them it was her day and she had a family who was looking out for her. Over the top? Perhaps, but we know they listened to us. When we received our disposable camera back from her caretakers, we found pictures of her first birthday party and we were so happy to see her dressed in the outfit we sent, eating cake and looking confused at the commotion. While I will always be grateful for their efforts, I still feel a loss for missing that day.

I have found this birthday, Maggie's second, more emotional than any birthday with La Nina. My theory is La Nina has spent all her birthdays with us, and I am grieving Maggie's first birthday all over again. I look at my little one now and my eyes well up with tears. She is such a spirited little thing. She deserved to have her family last year and we deserved to have her. While I am so incredibly grateful we got her soon after her birthday, I will probably always feel a little regret that we missed the first.

When you adopt a child that isn't a newborn, everyone thinks you miss all the firsts. But it isn't like that at all. You have your "firsts" with that child. You may miss her sitting up for the first time, but you will never forget the first time you see her sit up, or crawl, or smile, or whatever. And so now I have my first birthday with my daughter. It was a long time coming, but I can assure you, this is another first I will never forget.