Conversations with an Almost 4 year old

I am not intimidated by tough conversations with my kids. I have already answered more hard questions from La Nina regarding her adoption than I ever expected to before her 4th birthday. However, La Nina's curiosity and my friend's creativity threw me a huge curve ball.

My friend is expecting a baby any day. Since this is her first baby, she is just hanging out and decided to meet me and the girls at the park on Friday. La Nina has watched the size of her tummy with great interest this entire pregnancy. And La Nina and my friend constantly compare if the tummy is bigger or smaller since we saw her last. None of these conversations phased La Nina. She knows Baby Eric is in my friend's tummy, will soon be born and will sleep in her old crib. It has been a non-event.

As we left the park on Friday, my friend leaned into the car and said, "Next time you see me, Baby Eric will be in my arms and my tummy will be smaller."

That comment set La Nina's wheels turning. Naked curiosity played across her face as she strapped herself into her car seat. In the front seat, my wheels were turning too. I was thinking, "Holy, crap-a-mole, what is La Nina going to throw at me after that comment?" Now I am not nervous about a 'birds and the bees' discussion in the least. It seems to me after adoption topics, sex is an easy one. BUT, I was terrified of my friend being the center of this discussion. My friend's creativity involved how she got pregnant: She is single and went the sperm bank route.

I am completely supportive of my friends decision. She is financially and emotionally capable of rearing a child alone and she will make a great Mom. She thought about her options for a long time before she made the decision. Heck, all of us friend even gave her input on donors. So, needless to say, this pregnancy has been a bit of a group project. Unfortunately, I am not equally as prepared to discuss the 'birds and the bees' when it only involved a portion of the equation.

So, there we were in the parking lot of the park, my wheels turning, La Nina's wheels turning and a sludge-like silence descending on the van. I was waiting La Nina out, the Magster was unusually silent, and La Nina was gathering her thoughts. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, La Nina began the inquisition:

"Is baby Eric in her belly?"

"Yes," I answered. My mind raced, 'oh man, just don't ask me about the daddy. Please don't ask about the daddy. Well, I guess I can just say, sometimes people don't have daddy's as I have done with other single women parents...but if we are in the middle of birds and bees, that isn't going to work. If there is a God in Heaven, please save me on the daddy question for now.'

"Is that why her belly is so big?"

"Yes," I answered again. My silent prayers continued, ' and please just don't ask how he got in there. It was slightly unorthodox and could lead to the daddy question. please oh please...just ask me something easy.'

"Is he coming out soon?"

"Yes," I answered again. "Very soon. In fact by next Wednesday he will be here and sleeping in your old crib." (The crib mention was a feeble attempt at a diversion tactic. I was trying to throw her at this point. I was woefully unsuccessful. I cannot distract this child.)

"Is she his birf mommy?" (I love the way she says that so I left it for you to enjoy too.)

"Yes, she is," I answered. Now I was wondering if we were going to be chatting about her adoption. Frankly, I was relieved. Familiar territory and far safer ground as far as I am concerned.

Finally, she wound up. I could tell she was about to ask the question that was bothering her the most. I held my breath. And she asked, "Can I hold him?"

"Of course you can sweetie. I think Baby Eric would like that alot." With that, my almost 4 year old smiled and looked out the window contentedly. I let out a huge sigh of relief and we headed off to the grocery story. The 'birds and the bees' still have not fluttered into her mind, but I know that isn't for long.