How do they do it?

I really don't know how other Moms do it. My life is chaos and all around me it seems other stay at home moms manage more than I do, better than I do and more happily than I do. Why is that?

How do they get their kids to eat eggs for breakfast and drink 16 ounces of milk every day? How are they able to always keep their kids in matching outfits? How do they convince their kids that keeping clothes on their bodies is preferable to nudity? Or more basic, how do they convince their children to wear diapers? Do they really and truly always answer their children in the calm voices I hear on the playground? Are my kids the only kids in the world that get told to "GET IN THE VAN NOWWWWWW!"?

I wake up every morning determined that 1.) My children will eat healthy meals and snacks 2.) My children will be dressed in weather appropriate attire and 3.) I will not get frustrated by my two angelic darlings. But it never fails by 10AM, La Nina has eaten Peanut Butter and Jelly for breakfast is wearing flipflops in the fog and I am threatening she will never watch Mulan again if she doesn't brush her teeth NOW. Meanwhile, Maggie refused breakfast and is eating 3 day old cracker she found on the floor. She is wearing a sundress that doesn't cover her chest appropriately and removing her diapers hourly, but I only know it is missing when I see a puddle form under her. Where have I gone wrong?

I keep reading these parenting articles (I don't have time for books on the subject) and it says allow your child only healthy food options, only clothing choices that are only appropriate and if you raise your voice you are reinforcing negative behaviors! HA! I don't think the writers of these articles have ever spent more than one morning with two young children.

Here is my bite of reality sandwich- if I don't feed La Nina peanut butter and jelly for breakfast she doesn't eat. Maggie won't eat period unless it is a cracker or cupcake. Ever. La Nina will wear anything as long as she can wear her flipflops. The Magster will cry in her room for hours if I dress her in something she doesn't like. That means she has 4 dresses, 1 skirt and 2 shirts she will wear. Notice: diapers are not on that list. And there is only so much a woman can take before she starts yelling.

If you ask me, the writers of parenting articles are sick individuals, hell bent on heaping guilt on the already overwhelmed. To them I say, please shut down your computer, come to my house and make sure the Magster doesn't pee on the floor while I brush La Nina's teeth!