My Scheme Failed and the Answer to the Most Frequently Asked Question
Well, my scheme to get information failed. Bummer. Still no news.
Tonight I want to write about the reason girls are abandoned in China. I am not sure I can really do the topic justice because it is so complicated, but it is a question I am asked a lot and people always seem surprised by my answers. This problem isn't as simple as the cultural preference for boys.
Prior this year, the only China I knew was in the cities. But in April, we took a two hour drive from Hefei to Anqing. It was probably two of the most eye opening hours of my life. In Provincial China, fields are tended by man and ox, women do laundry in streams. There doesn't appear to be much electricity. I doubt many of the villages we passed had more than a couple of working phones. Life from 100 years ago flew past our windows as we drove down the interstate.
When the US was agrarian based, families had lots of children to help with the farm work. Now, consider that the people in rural China are allowed only one child. Their survival is completely hinged on that one child. That child will have to work the fields with the ox in order to care for the parents when they grow old. The future for the family is bleak under any circumstances and to be allowed to only have one child is devastating. If they have girl, that family may perish. It is a rare girl that is physically strong enough to work an ox. In the Chinese tradition, girls marry and support their husband's family. Social security, medicare and many of our social welfare programs don't exist in China. So the family who has a girl must face some very difficult decisions about their future, because affording a second child may be financially impossible.
If a family has more than one child and are caught, the consequences vary from province to province. In some provinces, families are fined and once the fine is paid, they are allowed to raise a second child without government interference. In other provinces, the family will lose their land or jobs, receive a fine and risk their extended family getting fined also. Now consider the issues I haven't touched on such as lack of birth control, lack of health care, illiteracy rates and readily available abortions: The reason girls are abandoned is not simple.
Before the drive from Hefei to Anqing, I was a lot more judgmental towards the families who abandon their daughters. On some level, I was mad at them. How could they leave a child just because it was a girl? Today, that anger and judgment is gone. It isn't that I think it is ok to wrap a child in a blanket, leave it in a market or at a factory, and walk away. However, when people have no options, the rules change. The values of our society do not apply. This is an issue of survival for the people of China.
Today, I feel empathy for the birth parents of my daughters. I grieve their loss for them as I think Maggie's Dad and I know exactly how great that loss is. I admire their bravery. These people risked so much even carrying a baby and finding a safe place for their daughter to be found. I admire their strength. The birth parents of my daughters are the people who put the wheels in motion for their beautiful little girls to have a chance. It was one heck of a gamble, but it paid off. I feel so much gratitude to these people I will never meet. I would give anything to be able to thank them for their bravery, strength and courage. And I so wish they knew how much their daughters are loved.
Tonight I want to write about the reason girls are abandoned in China. I am not sure I can really do the topic justice because it is so complicated, but it is a question I am asked a lot and people always seem surprised by my answers. This problem isn't as simple as the cultural preference for boys.
Prior this year, the only China I knew was in the cities. But in April, we took a two hour drive from Hefei to Anqing. It was probably two of the most eye opening hours of my life. In Provincial China, fields are tended by man and ox, women do laundry in streams. There doesn't appear to be much electricity. I doubt many of the villages we passed had more than a couple of working phones. Life from 100 years ago flew past our windows as we drove down the interstate.
When the US was agrarian based, families had lots of children to help with the farm work. Now, consider that the people in rural China are allowed only one child. Their survival is completely hinged on that one child. That child will have to work the fields with the ox in order to care for the parents when they grow old. The future for the family is bleak under any circumstances and to be allowed to only have one child is devastating. If they have girl, that family may perish. It is a rare girl that is physically strong enough to work an ox. In the Chinese tradition, girls marry and support their husband's family. Social security, medicare and many of our social welfare programs don't exist in China. So the family who has a girl must face some very difficult decisions about their future, because affording a second child may be financially impossible.
If a family has more than one child and are caught, the consequences vary from province to province. In some provinces, families are fined and once the fine is paid, they are allowed to raise a second child without government interference. In other provinces, the family will lose their land or jobs, receive a fine and risk their extended family getting fined also. Now consider the issues I haven't touched on such as lack of birth control, lack of health care, illiteracy rates and readily available abortions: The reason girls are abandoned is not simple.
Before the drive from Hefei to Anqing, I was a lot more judgmental towards the families who abandon their daughters. On some level, I was mad at them. How could they leave a child just because it was a girl? Today, that anger and judgment is gone. It isn't that I think it is ok to wrap a child in a blanket, leave it in a market or at a factory, and walk away. However, when people have no options, the rules change. The values of our society do not apply. This is an issue of survival for the people of China.
Today, I feel empathy for the birth parents of my daughters. I grieve their loss for them as I think Maggie's Dad and I know exactly how great that loss is. I admire their bravery. These people risked so much even carrying a baby and finding a safe place for their daughter to be found. I admire their strength. The birth parents of my daughters are the people who put the wheels in motion for their beautiful little girls to have a chance. It was one heck of a gamble, but it paid off. I feel so much gratitude to these people I will never meet. I would give anything to be able to thank them for their bravery, strength and courage. And I so wish they knew how much their daughters are loved.
posted by One Lucky Mom @ 8:23 PM
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