Doing What Scares You

I'm a firm believer in doing things that scare you.  After all, that's how you grow as a person and if you play it safe, you never really learn.  Anyway, I thought this was my philosophy until it was tested by a five-year-old girl.

A couple of weeks ago, one of Maggie's new friends invited her for a playdate.  Since the Magster is the princess of playdates, this didn't surprise me, but this playdate had a twist:  the invitation came from a non-English speaking family.  In fact, Maggie's friend speaks more English than her mother, though from her mother's smiling face and nodding head, I assumed she knew her daughter was inviting Maggie to their house.   The mother handed me her address written on neatly written on a piece of paper and I realized the second problem:  it was in one of the roughest sections of town.  

Now, if you know where I live, you know there aren't many rough parts of town, but this part is as dicey as it gets here.  While I agreed to the play date, but I was terrified.  I was sending my four year old into an environment where she couldn't communicate in a neighborhood I didn't trust.  

I came home and did some homework.  I checked out the Megan's Law website, the police reports, everything showed there were no problems in the immediate area where Maggie's friend lives.  I asked around school and everyone agreed this family was very nice, not wealthy, but very committed to their children and education. Several people told me the Mom is a very outspoken member of the Latina community, who is learning English, and highly respected among the DI teachers as a strong advocate for Spanish speakers.  From being in the class, I knew her daughter was very bright, polite and immaculately dressed every day.  (Better dressed than Maggie if we're being honest.)  But was this enough information to leave my daughter at their house for a playdate?

As the date approached, I lost sleep.  Maggie's been on loads of play dates and I realized my discomfort over my inability to talk to the Mom beyond a simple Hello was eating me up.  Maggie was looking forward to going, and when I explained the language barrier to her, she insisted she spoke Spanish.  (This after four weeks of DI--please!)  

I decided if I could see the apartment and if it was okay, I would let her stay.  So, at the appointed day and time I took Maggie to her friend's house.  As we wove our way through the apartments, it was like we entering in a foreign country.  Latino radio and television programs blared from open windows.  Rainbows of laundry hung from windows.  Half-clad toddlers scooted about the walkways with their mothers close behind.  Everyone shot Maggie and I strange looks.  No doubt we looked as out of place as I felt.  

Once we found the apartment, we went in.  Maggie's friend's Mom was reading a book in Spanish to three or four school kids.  (She babysits after school.)  Her place was immaculate.  Her baby was asleep in a worn bassinet in the corner, a couple of fish tanks filled with clean water and dozens of fish sat in another.  There was music on, but no television anywhere I could see.  She greeted us with a big smile, took Maggie by the hand and showed her where the bathroom was, handed her a cup for water with her name written on it, and introduced her to the other kids.  Then told me to be back in an hour.  

My knees shook as I walked away and pulling from the parking lot was probably the hardest thing I've ever done.  But I did it.  When I went back in an hour, Maggie was glad to see me.  She was clutching a small purple box of Mexican candy.  She said thank you to her friend and her Mom told me in Spanish, Maggie had been well-behaved.  (At least, I think that's what she said.)  

As we got into the car, I asked Maggie if she had fun.  

"It was hard," she answered.

So I asked her what that meant. 

"Mom, they didn't speak any English and my Spanish isn't so good," she said.

I smiled.  She was fine, she had fun and she even showed me a new game she learned at her friends all in Spanish.   

Next time, we'll do the play date at our house and I wonder if the Mom will have the same hard time I did.  Probably.  She'll be in the same situation I was. She doesn't know me or my neighborhood or anything about my culture.  I've been wondering what I can do to make it easier on her.  She really does seem like a nice woman.  

But I've come to this conclusion, if we, the parents, aren't willing to trust our gut, act on faith and get out of our comfort zone,  then why bother with the dual immersion education?  

Sweet Justice

The other night, the Magster sacked out early, so La Nina, the Dad and I found ourselves with some alone time.  Kind of a rare event, but we played a game together and just hung out on the couch.  

La Nina and I were watching our favorite station, the Food Network, when the Dad grabbed the remote and started bouncing between "Mission Impossible", the angry man news channel and a football game.  Since this channel surfing has been going on in my life for years, I'm quite adept at ignoring it.  However, La Nina is a different story.  Imagine my delight when she spun to her father and said:  

"Would you please just leave it on one station?  That changing around is annoying."  

The Dad grimaced and ignored her much the same way he tunes me out for chastising him.  But I think he realized writing's on the wall, he's outnumbered.  Now he'll be hearing about his bad habits from a house full of women.  

La Nina's Worst Nightmare

At the beginning of the soccer season, we cut some deals with the girls.  If you score a goal, you get ice cream.  If you get a hat trick, you get new shoes.  I know, most families probably don't bribe their children with shoes, but in this family, new shoes is the best motivator we have and we use it.  

Last weekend, the soccer and the Magster clicked.  It was like the Heaven's parted and suddenly she understood, get the ball, dribble the ball, put the ball in the net.  And she did it twice.  After her second goal, La Nina started changing the deals we'd made.  In her way of thinking, if her sister got three goals, logically, she got new shoes.  And while I was in the middle of the field, coaching, I could hear La Nina shouting new deals into me.  Needless to say, no deal.  

But, in fairness to her great defensive skills, we cut her a new deal.  If she touched the ball five times in a row, she got ice cream.  Fast forward to today's games.  La Nina played some great defense and brought the ball down the field, touching it five times and took a shot on goal.  It was really terrific.  She earned her ice cream.  Then we went to the Magster's game.  Oy vey, the team we played was younger and their coach was out of town.  My team scored in the first 40 seconds of the game.  The Magster had a hat trick (3 goals) by half.  She wasn't the only kid on the team with three goals, four of my kids scored.  It was a train wreck.  

But the funny part was La Nina.  She was lobbying for shoes from the minute her sister got her first goal.  By the third goal, La Nina was beside herself that the Magster was going to get shoes and she wasn't.  When we left the game, La Nina was in tears over her lack of shoes.  It was her worst nightmare.  We may have found something where the Magster excels and La Nina just doesn't know what to do about that.  

The Things I Carry

When I first got home from China with La Nina, I couldn't get over how much stuff I had to carry everywhere we went.  Bottles, diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, a host of lotions and snacks filled my diaper bag.  I lugged that black backpack with its side zip pocket for quick access from Gymboree to the doctors' to park playdates to visits with family.  It was never far from sight.   When La Nina potty trained, I had a few months bag-free, then the Magster came along and I was back to lugging the diaper bag for another year or so.  

Back then, I longed for the day when I could move about without carrying ten pounds of stuff for someone else.  Today, nearly six years into the journey of parenthood, I'm still hoping for that day.  Sure my bags have changed.  Now I carry backpacks filled with school work, lunch boxes protecting healthy mid-day meals, mesh soccer bags filled with balls, dance bags with three changes of shoes and a slim black handbag designed for piano books.

Oh and these bags require different supplies everyday.  The dance bag needs black tights on Tuesday and pink tights on Thursdays, and I need to remember to repack every Wednesday night.  The backpacks include library books, permission slips, school communications and homework and needs to be filled and refilled with different items every day and two kids means two different schedules.  And don't ask about that darn lunch box.  I'm still trying to figure out how to fill it with something that will be eaten at lunch.  

Now I long for the good old days.  One diaper bag filled with diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, maybe a bottle or two.  It was so simple back then.  A consistent list of items needed to help a baby get through everyday.  I didn't know how good I had it.  

Computer Time

We have a lap top that is set up in our family room for the girls to use.  It's a little slow, but it works fine once it gets running.  If you ask La Nina about it, she'll tell you it's broken, because she doesn't have the patience to wait for it.  However, if you ask Maggie about the computer, she gets really quiet.  

Why?  Because she has no interest in letting her sister know the lap top works just fine.  That would mean she'd have to share and right now, the Magster has the computer to herself.   Maggie's new thing is to wait for her sister to leave for school in the morning and hit the computer as soon as the door closes.  Then she plays on PBSKids and Disney for an hour or so every morning.  She is able to navigate around, figure out the games and watch videos.  

Occasionally the Magster can't figure out a game or once the battery started to die and she needed a little help.  Otherwise when she's on the computer, she's completely self-sufficient.  

While I find this whole charade amusing, I wonder how long she can keep it up?  Will her sister go ballistic when she figures out the game?  And what will happen when La Nina has to ask her sister for help on a game?  It could be ugly.

Playdates

As I type, a few feet from me, the Magster and a friend are happily playing dolls.  There lost in a world of royalty, beautiful princesses, brave princes, fierce dragons.  I believe there is even dancing.  The Dad, who is working in his office, didn't even realize there was another child in our house these two kids are playing so nicely together.

Contrast this with playdates we have with another of Maggie's friends.  Loud, doesn't begin to describe it.  They run through the house, dressed as princesses, hiding from the dragons behind curtains, jumping on the trampoline.  Don't get me wrong, the other kid was a really good kid.  That's why she was here so often.  

The remarkable part to me is just how different the combinations of kids are.  Kind of amazing.

Opening Day

Our day started early today.  It was the official first day of soccer season and the festivities kicked off bright and early at 7am this morning with a parade down Main Street.  I haven't been to a soccer parade since I marched in them as a kid myself...and nothing's changed.  Two thousand charged up kids parade past of weary looking parents and grandparents who stand and sit on curbs clutching coffee and screaming wildly the minute their players march past.  

After the parade and a quick breakfast, it was game time.  The Magster was up first with a game at 10am.  The mighty Dashers started off a bit shaky, when they stood in the middle of the field and watched a girl from the other team dribble right down the center of the field and score in the first minute of play.  As the coach, it was disheartening.  BUT, the girls came to life and eventually scored four goals.  The Magster even got an assist.  I heard we lost the game 5-4, but I truly only knew my team's score at the end of the game. Besides, the only measure at this age is the amount of fun that was had and the girls had a great time.

La Nina's game wasn't until 1pm.  By kick off the temperature was well over 95 degrees and we figured this was a big test for La Nina.  Would she, could she run and sweat in the heat? I'm happy to report she did well.  When she took over as goalie she shined.  She logged at least 5 solid saves, and only one got past her.  The one that slipped past her would have been tough for an experienced goalie to save.  I heard La Nina's team lost too, but again, the win-loss record isn't important at this point.  It's all about having fun.  

So, after nearly 20 years off,  it was fun to be back in youth soccer.  We have nine more Saturdays with two games, and we'll relish them all.  

Where does the time go?

Boy, it's been over a week since I blogged. Here's the top 8 reasons why:

1.)   Still filling out school registration forms every evening.

2.)  Negotiating with La Nina over buying v. taking lunch takes three hours every night leaves me too exhausted to write.

3.)  Spent an entire day of the weekend party hopping and needed several days to recover.

4.)  While keeping track of shin guards for soccer, tights for dance and books for piano, I misplaced my lap top.  

5.)  Busy answering the Magster's questions about why she can't go to school first thing in the morning like her sister.

6.)  Spend every free moment watching the political conventions.  Shouldn't the girls see history? Okay, only one convention was ever on television.  I'll let you guess which one. 

7.)  Developing "homework" for that challenges the Magster (who begs me to give her 'homework') without overwhelming her requires any free brain cells I have. 

8.)  The echo of my own voice shouting "Don't forget your backpack" is driving me batty.