You Can't Make Stuff Like This Up...

I offer the following true vignettes from my life over the past couple of days.

Time: 6:30AM, Wednesday
Players: La Nina, Maggie and Me
Situation: I am trying to give a very resistant La Nina her antibiotics which must be taken with crackers. Maggie is wandering around left to her own devices.
Action: I begin to pin La Nina to get the antibiotics into her. It is a simple straddle pin I use frequently to brush her teeth and she hates it. (You would think she would learn to cooperate.) La Nina is screaming bloody murder, just then I hear a choking sound from behind me. Maggie has attempted to eat the crackers La Nina is supposed to eat in the 3 seconds it takes me to give La Nina her antibiotics. I must stop, grab Maggie and dislodge the cracker. Dad walks in right in the middle of this and runs.
Resolution: Maggie doesn't choke. The crackers get moved. La Nina gets her medicine.

Time: 1:45PM, Wednesday
Players: La Nina, a colleague from work and me
Situation: I am on the phone, hearing the news from a colleague at work, Maggie is napping and La Nina is playing on a block.
Action: La Nina falls off the block and starts screaming "pee-pee". I think this means she needs to get to the bathroom. Like every good multi-tasker, I scoop her up, start heading to the bathroom and continue my conversation. Unfortunately, this time she meant she was going "pee-pee" and I was "pee-peed" on, while I was on the phone. Needless to say, my colleague kindly let me go.
Resolution: A new outfit for everyone.

Time: 3:45PM, Wednesday
Players: Maggie, La Nina, Pete the Dog, Me
Situation: La Nina is eating her first Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich in 4 days (a record for her), Maggie is having a snack, I am in the family room trying to clean up the carpet from the earlier "pee-pee" incident.
Action: Maggie drops her spoon and La Nina opens the kitchen door to tell me about it. Pete, always looking for an opening, dashes past La Nina and in one giant leap snatches her sandwich and Maggie's yogurt. I didn't actually see the "snatch" but I know how he works and he is really fast. From the other room, I hear the door open, a crash then, I hear is crying and La Nina sobbing, "My sandwich, my sandwich..."
Resolution: I make La Nina a second sandwich, I get Maggie a second yogurt, Pete goes to the yard where his paws get muddy.

Time: 8:45AM, Thursday
Players: Maggie, La Nina, Me
Situation: I am getting the girls ready for a bath and they are running like naked banchees through the master bedroom.
Action: Maggie gets running a little too fast and falls head first in to the bathtub, giving herself a black eye. That is right- I had a black eye in the house before 9am today. That must qualify for the parent hall of fame.
Resolution: She gets in the tub with her sister as her shiner fills in quite nicely.

Time: Noon, Thursday
Players: Maggie, Me
Situation: Maggie, who really isn't herself these days and now has a black eye, is in my arms while I try to make lunch.
Action: As I begin to stir my tuna salad, Maggie throws up on me and my tuna.
Resolution: I change my shirt and eat a PB&J with La Nina once my appetite returns.

Time: 4:30PM, Thursday
Players: Maggie, Me and La Nina
Situation: I am reading Maggie her library book, "My First Word Book on Hanukah" (Yes, this is really the first book she picked herself) and La Nina is reading on her own.
Action: La Nina decides she wants to read with Maggie and I, so she grabs the book from me. I tell her that is not nice and she must give it back. She hands me the book, but throws a second book across the room, where it bounces off the wall and hits me in the head.
Resolution: LaNina goes to her room for a LONG time out, I finish reading Maggie her book.

The times may not be exactly accurate as I lose track of time, but otherwise, I can't make this stuff up.