The Gift of Language

I have always been one to enjoy parenting more once my children can speak. The guess work involved in toddlerhood is tough and I just prefer my child let me know what she is thinking.

With La Nina, language development was fun. She slowly added single words like "ball", then two word phrases such as "red ball" and finally, she started speaking in sentences, "I want a red ball". Her process was text book and she spoke young for a child who didn't hear English until she was 9 months old. Maggie has approached language in fits and starts. She started with a phrase, "Iwanna..." then she slowly added words onto the end of her phrase. "Iwannacracker" was first, "Iwannajuice" was fairly early too. "Iwannasleep" has still not occurred, but I am ever hopeful.

Of late, I am questioning my desire to have my children speak, ever. You see, neither of my children value silence. In fact, La Nina is quieter than the Magster...and trust me, it is hard to believe La Nina is quieter than anyone. But it is the Magster who I believe may just drive me crazy. Because when you couple her determination with language, you are in for one long day.

When the Magster wants something, she begins a chant. Her chants begin around 6AM and it is always the same chant first. "I want juice. Momma, Juice. I need juice. Please, momma, juice. Mommeeeee, Juice." You get the idea. By 7:30AM, she is chanting about "Waffulls". The chant morphs into Crackers around 10AM, and by the time the Lunch chant starts, I am done. We have never had any of the cute two word phrases. With Maggie it is all demands, all the time.

Lest you think it is only me who gets frustrated with her never-ending pleadings, it isn't. Today at pre-school her teacher called her "persistent and hard to distract" because she asked for her "boo banky" for 3 hours straight. Yesterday, at the gym, the childcare person popped in a Pooh video to quiet her down. She saw the video on the shelf and asked for it for 45 minutes straight. So, what to do with the child who will not only not take 'no' for an answer, but will pester the most hard nosed pre-school teachers into submission?

I have no idea. So, as always, I turned to my Mom. You see, the advantage of living near your mother is she can provide you with sage advice, pearls of wisdom, insight and common sense solutions not found in today's child rearing books. But when I turned to my mother in my time of need, she had a good laugh. 'What goes around comes around' were her exact words. Perhaps I finally found the curse my mother levelled against me.

Etc, Etc, Etc.

Well, Thanksgiving season is in full swing: two pre-parties down and the big event is looming large. Yesterday, we celebrated the holiday with the Dad's extended family. We had a delightful time and reconnected with many members of his extended family. It was our first chance to introduce both our girls to many of his family members. Tonight was a little pre-Thanksgiving for my family as Tio will be working on Turkey Day. So, it was more turkey and more excitement for all of us. I expect the girls are going to question why we are celebrating Thanksgiving on Thursday when we have already celebrated it twice.

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At the gym today, I was stuck on a machine in front of a TV showing the Maury Povich show, followed by the Montel Williams show. What a train wreck! I was so grossed out after Maury's show revealing the results of paternity tests that Montel's show on Child Abuse seemed tame. I have two questions: 1.) Why do people go on these shows? 2.) Why does anyone else watch them? I swear I needed a shower after working out, not from the sweat, but from the filth I had seen during those shows. Those men should be ashamed to put their names with those shows.

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With Christmas fast approaching, I am starting to realize I have to start my shopping. Many past years, I was just about done by now. In fact, the year we adopted La Nina I had everything done for Christmas (gifts bought, wrapped and delivered) by 12/13...when we left for China. This year is a completely different story. I don't even have a plan. I hope I pull it off.

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So get this-- for a while now, I have been claiming that La Nina gave me asthma. Everytime I get a cold it goes straight to my chest and settles there. I have had bronchitis 3 times since we adopted her and prior to that, I never had bronchitis in my life. Of course, no one really believed my whines. Ok, it isn't that they didn't believe me, they thought I was being a little dramatic. On Friday, I went to the doctor yet again with a chest cold, which was..no surprise bronchitis number 4. This time I am on inhalers for 3 months...the diagnosis: chronic bronchitis. At least I feel a little vindicated that my chest problems weren't my imagination. When the doctor asked me if breathing ailments ran in my family (which they don't) I told her, Yes, my daughter has asthma, completely forgetting that La Nina is from a different gene pool. Not realizing our family history, she said--"Well, she probably got it from you." I started laughing, when she said that because my mistake finally dawned on me. I explained my first answer, and she laughed too.

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Reality Show Update: Amazing Race- I was so disappointed it wasn't on last week! I missed it! My money is still on the Linz family, and I will miss the Paulo's. They were obnoxious, but you had to love them. Survivor- Can you believe Gary found the immunity idol one week? Then, the next week swung the alliance to vote out Jamie instead of him? Even if he doesn't win, you have to hand it to him. He is quite a schemer! And how do they not know he is Gary Hogeboom? Why hasn't Danni told them? Or did she and I missed it? Apprentice- I still think Randall, though the blond gal who won last week is pretty good. (I can't remember her name.) I just think that show is kind of boring this season.

That's it for now. Happy Thanksgiving!

Another Anniversary

We passed another anniversary this week. While it is the anniversary of Maggie's journey to us, it is not an anniversary we share with Maggie. This week marked the second anniversary of Maggie' s entrance into Suixi Social Welfare Institute.

I always feel sad on the anniversary of when my girls entered their respective orphanages. For both of my girls, it was about 1 month after their birthdays. It is common for babies to be abandoned in China about a month after they were born. I have heard this is cultural: The belief is babies are strong enough after 1 month to be left.

While the anniversary of Maggie's journey marks a beginning, it also marks an end. It was the last day her birthparents held her. There is such a large part of me that wonders, how they could walk away from such a beautiful little girl? There is a large part of me that feels sorry for them. I assume that something must have been so bad that they had no choice but to let go. But you know, after both of my girls were in my arms for a second-if that long- I knew I could never do it. I could never leave them. Never. And these people held them for a month. Wow. How did they do it?

These days as the girls get older, I wonder, what on earth are my girls going to make of their life's journey? Will they be mad? Will they be sad? Will they be glad it all worked out? Will they think they would have been better off in an orphange than in the US with a bi-racial family? (Right or wrong: some adult Korean adoptees have made this last statement.)

And as the girls grow and the questions start to come, we can only hope we answer them well. La Nina has already started asking. I will not share with the world what she asks, but suffice to say, she gets it. Her questions are getting tougher every day, and she is understanding more of her life path everyday. So far, we can answer all the questions. We can reassure her and help her by breaking the story down into age appropriate sound bites.

But the annivesary of their entrance into the orphanage marks the last chance we had to answer the toughest question of all: why? Why on this day did my birth parents walk away? Why? I don't dread this question, I know it will come. I struggle with it myself. Unfortunately, their birth parents are the only people who can answer that question, and on this anniversary, they disappeared from their lives probably forever. We can speculate, postulate, estimate, guess, theorize, conjecture and presume, but in reality, we have no idea why those four people had to leave these two incredible kids.

In the end, La Nina and Maggie will have to live with the unanswered questions that this anniversary marks. They will have to make peace with the unknowns. They will have to decide if they are mad, sad, glad or a little of everything when it comes to their history. We can't decide for them. In the end, we may have chosen to welcome them into our lives, but a whole bunch of adults accepted the invitations on their behalf.

A short year later, happily hanging out with La Nina and being quite silly, as usual

A rough first date for the Magster a year ago...

One year ago, our first family portrait. The woman on the right is from Maggie's orphanage who put her in our arms.

Our First Anniversary

I am posting this in advance of our actual family day, which is 11/15. The entire story of our trip is in the November Archive.

A year ago Tuesday, a terrified bundle of baby was handed to me in a crowded office building in China. As with my recollection of meeting La Nina, almost all of my memories of magical moment are sensory. I remember seeing her across the room in the bright yellow outfit we had sent. I remember the feel of her body stiff with terror when I first held her. I remember she weighed nothing compared to her sister who I was used to holding. But most vividly I remember the sound of her frightened crying.

Those first few hours with her were something else. She wanted nothing to do with me or her father. She screamed everytime we spoke to her; our language brought her no comfort. She fought against being in our arms. If I knew then, what I know now... I would have expected nothing less than what we got that first night. Maggie will never "go gently".

Those first few days in China were rough. I was SO grateful for all the preparation I did prior to La Nina's adoption. I didn't need the knowledge for La Nina--she is fairly easy going and transitioned easily---but the knowledge of behavior extremes during transitions came in handy when Maggie demonstrated all of them, at once. Who knew those symptoms weren't isolated? The book made it sound like, "Your child could react with X or Y", but my child reacted with "X, Y and Z".

And even through the wails of discontent, she was adorable. When we were handed her, she was too thin. She wasn't frail, but she was skin and bones. Her entire body was covered with patches of eczema. Her face broke out in nervous hives from the stress of the change within 2 days of meeting us. Her hair stood on end, and she toddled around on very bowed-legs. In my mind, she and her sister were tied for the title "most beautiful baby ever adopted from China".

Today, as I write these words, it is hard for me to connect the child I call Maggie with the terrified little baby from China; her transformation takes my breath away. Today, Maggie is still a handful, but she is so joyful. She is very coordinated, clever and clean. Yep, Maggie is a fastidious little thing. She is bursting with language, giggles and the occasional tempertantrum, but she is two and it is to be expected.

Physically, her eczema is under control and her body is no longer too thin. She grew 7 inches in her first 7 months with us and her weight now looks proportionally correct with her height. In fact, she looks like a child who is thriving. By US standards, she isn't a big kid. But she is on the US charts, so she isn't that small.

In terms of our family, Maggie is devoted to her big sister. Project Daddy Love (the nickname I gave my efforts help her learn to love dear old Dad) is a total success. Tonight, she even left my lap for his; it was a big moment. She remains a committed Mama's girl, but I don't mind.

On the one hand, it doesn't seem like a year since we met her, hasn't she always been with us? On the other hand, it has been a LONG year filled with many sleepless nights. Sleeplessness not brought on by worry, but rather by her reluctance to sleep.

At times like this, my thoughts turn to my girls' birth parents. I can't help but wonder who they are, where they are and what they would think of the lives their girls are leading. In many ways, I am sure the reality of my girls lives are beyond their birth parents' comprehension. (How on earth would you explain Disneyland to a Chinese peasant?) But it is in these times of anniversaries, that I wish I could tell their birth parents "thank you." I also wish there was some way I could let them know, their girls are safe, happy and loved in this world.

What a Day!

Well, the day November 7th has been marked on the calendar for some time. A while back, I received a summons for jury duty. I debated trying to get out of it for child care reasons, but didn't. Then, last week, November 7th became big for another reason: The Governor was stopping at the Hop Yard.

Since you never know about a summons or the governor, we just figured today would all work out...and it did. I called in on my summons Friday night and discovered I had to report, this AM in Oakland for my civic duty. Then, we got a call Friday night, that the Governor was definitely stopping at the Hop Yard today at noon. Forget civic duty. I wanted to meet the governor.

Early this morning, I mean early, the phone started ringing. The media showed up at the Hop Yard for the morning news long before 6AM. I had to get up anyway to get to Oakland, so while no one wants to hear the phone at 5:30AM, it was manageable. The girls, not used to hearing the shower or the phone early, were both up sensing this was not a normal day.

Because of all the hoopla, the girls were shuttled to NanaPapas around 7AM, the same time I headed into Oakland. I was determined not to miss the Governor for jury duty, but I was more than a little worried that an angry Democrat might just torture me and deny my pleas for mercy. Let's face it: Oakland is awfully close to Berkley, geographically and politically.

I arrived at the courthouse about 8:15AM, and immediately started explaining my opportunity. It was helpful that in the middle of my plea the morning news showed the Hop Yard, so the clerks took pity on me, wished me well and sent me on my way. I was headed home by 8:25AM.

From the car, I convinced the Grandmas that they should join me on the adventure. One grandma took a lot more convincing than the other--those who know them can guess which was the "reluctant" one. The five of us, two grandmas, two kids and I, arrived at the Hop Yard at 11:30AM. We waded through the crowds to the front gate of the patio. Your name had to be on the guest list to gain access to the restaurant, and we heard several people grumble as our non-high-powered looking gang cruised right through security.

The event itself was not nearly as interesting as the circus that surrounded it. In front of the place, there were protesters, supporters, a class full of kids, uniformed police men and suited men with ear pieces milling about. Inside, there were about 200 very republican looking people excitedly eating lunch and watching the news coverage of the circus outside. Many talked about how it felt like we were extras on a movie set or living an episode of the West Wing. It really was exciting as we awaited the Governor's arrival.

The Governor came in the back door about a 1/2 hour late. The protesters completely missed him on his arrival. He worked his way around the room and encouraged everyone to vote. He was supposed to go to every table, but as he reached us, this very rude man stepped in front of me and introduced himself to Arnold. Given that I had La Nina in my arms, I was in no position to throw an elbow, so I waited. Then, the Governor turned to the table next to us and stepped on my foot in the process. That's right, he didn't shake my hand, he stepped on my foot.

The crush of people moved on with the Governor and I glared at the evil man who had pushed me aside. I will never forget his face and the next time I run across him, I will most certainly bring it up and embarrass the heck out of him. (Vengeful, aren't I? But hey, he hadn't kept two kids entertained for 2 hours while waiting to shake hands. I had. I am sure he will be delighted to hear of his rude folly and how he ruined my 3 year olds only chance to meet the governor. My husband will be humiliated by my behavior when this occurs, but he knows how I get when rude people mess with me.)

Then, one of the Governor's people came over and told us where to stand to meet the big guy. We strategically positioned ourselves and did finally get to shake Arnold's hand. I don't think we were able to snap a picture of the actual handshake, but it happened. Arnold has very soft hands, dyes his hair and is no stranger to botox. Then, our celebrity leader was off to Fresno. The whole thing was a total hoot. Now that it has passed, here are a few highlights:

* La Nina was never really clear on who exactly we were at the Hop Yard to see. She was hearing us Governor as Customer, so she dubbed Arnold, "The Customer". While we were waiting, it was helpful to take the kids out to the patio to watch the crowd. During one excursion, LaNina asked if the "Customer" was going to arrive on a cloud, like Mary Poppins. The police man standing near us and I both explained only Mary Poppins travels by cloud, the Governor was probably in a plane or helicopter.

* The news reports talk about several hundred protesters gathered outside the Hop Yard. However, the crowd was split evenly between supporters and detractors. The detractors were just louder and more 'photogenic'. The supporters were well, you know, republicans in their khaki's and golf shirts. They just don't make very compelling images on TV.

*I was thrilled to see every political editor from every local TV station, including my favorite Randy Shandobil. I shook his hand and told him how much I love Channel 2, and he thought I was a little nutty. He would be too if he were home with two kids.

So, that was our big day. It sure beat jury duty. We probably won't have another chance like that and it was sure fun to meet Schwartzenegger. If you live in California, don't forget to vote tomorrow.

Updates, Updates, Updates

I can't believe I haven't written since we came home from Los Angeles. Alas, with birthday celebrations, Halloween and life in general, it has been a little hectic. Here is the latest from my corner of the world:

*To celebrate her second birthday, the Magster surprised her Dad and I by riding a tricycle around the court. Of course, the problem with achieving this feat so young: she can't steer! So, as long as I am fast enough to keep her from running into curbs, parked cars and mail boxes, she is good to go.

*Also, in honor of her second birthday, I started the Magster in nursery school two mornings a week. It' s the same school we have had La Nina at for a year and a half. While I have my issues with the school, the kids seem so happy there. I warned the teachers of Maggie's fiery disposition prior to starting her and they didn't believe me. They see her every Tuesday and Thursday with me, and couldn't believe she was "spirited". Then she proved me wrong by behaving like a perfect angel her first day. Of course, the second day, she screamed like a banchee. I think her teachers voted her "child with the strongest lungs" after Thursday's display.

* As for La Nina, we started a new gymnastics class and she loves it. Our old studio became very disorganized and I hated paying money to a group that couldn't get their act together. The new place is close to home and the class is smaller, so I have my fingers crossed it is going to work out. She is so flexible that my new rule is she must keep her feet below the table. I was tired of her eating dinner with her foot in the air by her ear...I'm not kidding.

* As of today, it has been one year since I worked full-time. And the thing I miss most: Business Trips. I never thought I would say that! Nothing sounds better than getting on a plane, dealing only with adults for five straight days, going out to dinner every night and sleeping in a strange bed, only myself to deal with in the morning, and coffee without interuption. Oh, it sounds so heavenly. Isn't it sad that I actually miss business trips?

*Halloween Costume Report: La Nina was a beautiful Mulan and Maggie was a lovely Cinderella. All my worries about Maggie trick or treating as "Buck Naked" were for not. She did a great job.

That is it for now. I think Randall is going to win the Apprentice and Gary is going to win Survivor. I was totally bummed the Gaghan Family was eliminated from the Amazing Race. In the Race, my money is on either the Linz Family or the Paulos.