Are we just dense?

So, consider the scenario: Nice suburban couple, two kids almost 5 and 3, both own their own businesses. The house they bought 10 years ago is not ideal for kids, it's designed for a couple,which they were, before the children. Now, alas, the couple has morphed into a family of 4 and has a dilemma. They love their neighborhood, but the house isn't working. It's space is poorly utilized and both of the businesses can't operate out of the house. And the wife is tired of writing at the kitchen table. And no, they can't share an office. Trust me on this.

So, of course, the couple begins the age old debate: sell, remodel or do nothing? For us, the debate began two years ago. The opening statements were made about three weeks after Maggie arrived home, and it's been point, counter point ever since. We almost bought a house down the street last year, but it didn't work out. So the debate continued. Finally, I believe we have an answer. We're heading hard down the remodel path.

This is no ordinary, "let's spruce up the kitchen remodel". This is a "rip out walls, add a second story and get a whole new kitchen type remodel". The master bath might get tossed into the remodel too, just because why not? But that topic is still under discussion.

I've lived through a kitchen remodel before, and it was no fun doing dishes in the bathtub. And I didn't have children last time. I just can't imagine what it will be like with them. In fact, when I really think about it, this could be one of the dumbest things I've ever done. Truly. It's going to be expensive and painful, dirty and dusty. But alas, it'll be marvelous when it's done. (Remind me I wrote this half way through the project.)

Here's the conversation I keep imagining:
"Mommy, can I have a waffle for breakfast?"

"Sorry, honey, even if I could find the toaster, there's no outlet. How about dry cereal, no milk again?"

"I wanna wafflllleeeeee!" Tears! I hear the tears now.

Yet, we are plunging ahead despite the threat of tears, the kids and mine. Our plans for the second story are due back from engineering any day, we spent Saturday looking at appliances (For those who thought they'd see us on Saturday, we were at Expo and Western Appliance in Dublin. We missed being in SF very much) and Sunday we spent way too much time on the consumer reports web site deciding which range was best, which refrigerator most spacious, which dishwasher most silent. You get the picture.

We're doing our best to get this project kicked off by May 1, so may be, just may be, we can wrap up by year end. Anyway, I'm sure this process will be fraught with bloggable moments. And from now on, I'll keep everyone posted on the milestones.

And it took me 40 years to find the answer...

The other day while riding in the car, I asked my girls the age old question, "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Their answers are priceless.

La Nina: "I want to be a woman with a hamster."

The Magster: "I want to be a peoples."

And there you have it. We really do over think that question, don't we?

Lost In Translation No more!

I forgot to mention one other thing that happened last night...we found out the translation of the word "clever."

When Maggie was handed to us in China, the nannies sought me out after the hand off and told me Maggie was very "clever." I've always wondered if the word they chose translated to the meaning of the word 'clever' in our language. To me, 'clever' means smart, in a pragmatic way, Sort of creative and practical, very ingenuous, with a bit of mischief. That meaning actually fits Maggie, but I always marveled how the nannies could tell she was 'clever' when she was only an infant.

Last night I took my annual scrapbook page for the orphanage to be translated. On Maggie's page, I used the word "clever." (For those new to Chinese adoption, many orphanage groups send annual scrapbooks back to China for the caretakers. We always participate.) I thought the word might help the nannies remember her. As the women who were translating my pages got to the word 'clever', a fierce discussion broke began. Actually it sounded like a debate. It was in Chinese so I had no idea what they were saying. Finally, the woman who was actually writing the translations for me explained that clever had two meanings:

"In Chinese, 'clever' means smart, but written a different way it can mean something else. It means smart with her hands."

I just about fell over. Why? Maggie has always had a knack for art. At her eighteen month doctor visit, when she was coloring and using stickers, the pediatrician was stunned. Her preschool teacher remarks she's only seen two other kids like her in 25 years of teaching, because she draws and colors these really amazing, detail-oriented pictures. Not to brag, but the kid is good with her hands.

For the first time, we figured out what the nannies were trying to tell me: As an infant, Maggie was good with her hands. Needless to say, I told the translators to stick with the second meaning of the word, not the first. Now I'm sure the nannies will get my message. And with a two plus year delay, I finally heard theirs.

Getting A Head Start on the New Year

Tonight was a big culture night for our family. Eventhough the Chinese New Year is a month away, we were invited to a traditional Chinese New Year event...a dumpling making party. The host of the party insisted I bring the girls, and since I was technically working the event(I'm covering Chinese New Year traditions for the local paper), we made it a family outing.

It sounds silly now, but this whole event presented us with a few questions. Such as what does one wear to make dumplings, what does one take to make dumplings and what exactly goes into a dumpling, but our hosts assured us that dumpling making was easy, the girls could participate, casual dress expected and beer was perfectly acceptable for us to bring, so we figured we would fit right in.

We arrived at the house and were greeted by a packed room of people making 'jiaozi'. There were rollers and stuffers and pinchers all working together in a very tidy, efficient production line. The girls pulled up a couple of bar stools and joined right in. With the aid of a couple of the women, La Nina and the Magster were 'jiaozi' making experts within the hour.

After the dumplings were put together, trays were carried to the garage where the President of the Chinese community was working the hot pot. If you could look past the lovely BMW that was parked next to him, it was a very traditional scene. A man squatting next to a hot pot, scooping out dumplings with this wooden tool when they were cooked.

After the work ended, we were treated to a Chinese banquet that was fabulous. The dumplings were great, but so was everything else. There were rib dishes and bean curd dishes and other treats just to die for. For the kids, there was pizza...some party traditions are truly multi-cultural. And I have to say, there were quite a few beers consumed, not just by us.

Finally, what banquet wouldn't be complete without a little karoake? The group broke into song, led by the Dad of this house, of course. Some people were playing cards around the table and the kids retreated to their computer games. And this one boy about 11 sat down and start pounding out some amazing tunes on the piano.

But by far, the best moment of the night for me was when one of the women looked at La Nina and asked her, "Do you have a Chinese name?"

And she very proudly answered, "Yes. It's Zhu Yue Ming."

It's the first time I ever heard her answer that name independent of me and all I could think was 'That's my girl!'

It just irked me...

For the first time in over two years, I flew on a commercial flight this weekend. And you know what, the whole process just irked me. Not because I minded the heightened security, but more because a few total morons messed it up for everyone. For the first time, I felt the inconvenience fully.

Think about it...Saturday it was 4o degrees and I'm walking through security in my socks because some loser tried to bring down a plane with a bomb in his shoes. Geez! Did he realize the impact he would have on all of us poor people trying to fly in winter? Don't get me wrong, his intent was malice and it would have been horrific had he succeeded, but you know what, my toes felt like they'd been attacked yesterday as I stood waiting for my turn to walk through the scanner. And the guy was supposedly stopped.

Oh, and let's not forget the no clear fluids thing. Again, important risk reducing measure enacted because of threat. The reality is though a whole bunch of nice people get inconvenienced. The air is dry as a bone, I'm parched as a leaf in the fall and there is this nice security lady asking me, "Now, you don't have any water in that bag, do you?" Of course, I didn't and I wouldn't have minded the restriction in any way... but every possible outlet of water was closed in the airport at the time we were flying home and we had to wait until we were on the ground at our destination to get anything. Obviously, I survived the whole thing, but it just irked me.

You know, at different times in my career I was flying a couple of times a month. I'm so grateful I don't have to do that now, because I don't think I'd have the patience for it anymore.

Straight from the Mouth of Babes

A conversation from yesterday:

La Nina: What does 'spoiled' mean?
Me: When you give someone everything they want and then they start to expect it.
La Nina: So, like when you're really nice?
Me: Well, kind of. But it's more when someone is just giving another person something to the point where they don't even notice it as a gift anymore. The person receiving never says thank you or anything. They just expect it.
La Nina: Oh, I get it. Like Daddy.

And at that I was left speechless.

Lesson Learned

Dear New Personal Trainer,

So, hi. Remember me? Your new trainee? Yeah, well I thought I'd write this little apology to ease your self-esteem. It's true. I picked you because you were older and your profile that you believed each person should work at their own pace. That statement appealed more to me than the young person next to you who said, she liked to make her clients feel the burn. I'm just not into painful workouts.

That being said, I intended no disrespect for you or your training when I took a spinning class before our session. I was merely trying to get some cardio work done. In no way was I implying that your workout wasn't challenging. When I saw you waiting outside my class, tapping your clip board, narrowing your eyes and flaring your nostrils, you looked a bit like a bull who'd just seen the red cape. I knew I'd made a horrible mistake and perhaps you misinterpretted my cardio work.

Just because you're a little ticked off, there was no reason to make me do squats for 20 minutes holding a 15 pound medicine ball. Or crunches on an incline with that same medicine ball. Or deadlifts with 50 pounds. Really , 40 pounds was plenty. And no, lifting kids doesn't prepare you for that kind of hell.

And when I said I was cramping, I wasn't whining. I really couldn't extend my leg. And by the way, I heard your snide, "Well, spinning will do that to you." Anyway, I may never walk again, so no need to worry about our session next week.

Sincerely,

The Girl who will not be in the spinning class before our session ever again.

Everyone's Talking

You know, it's funny. When we adopted the girls from China, I was under the mistaken impression that once the adoptions were complete, my involvement in the adoption process was over. However, whether I like it or not, the fact I've adopted from China has designated me the 'go to' person on all Chinese adoptions issues for friends, families, co-workers, grocery clerks, etc.

And I don't think I've ever felt it more accutely than with the recent CCAA changes in the adoption criteria. First, I'm amazed that so many people have heard about the changes and second, I'm amazed so many people are interested in them. Today, the local NPR station had some sort of story on the changes, and I was fielding questions like a press secretary all day long.

For the record, I don't mind answering the questions. In fact, Chinese adoption is an issue near and dear to my heart. Since I'm on the record, I do find it sad that the changes will eliminate many potentially great parents...and the bottom line on each and every change: The children up for adoption are their kids. The Chinese Government can change the rules however they see fit.

When I gave this answer to someone today who was quite upset about the changes, you would have thought that I personally wrote the rules to exclude people. The person was offended. (To all of my relatives who are reading this post and are now wondering if I'm talking about you...I'm not.) And I found myself in a difficult position. I don't believe that it's okay to exclude people, I just don't think we, as Americans, have the right to tell the Chinese how to write their adoption laws. And sure, it does seem like some of their rules are judgments against our society...it's just for me, it always come back to the fact, that Americans would be pretty ticked off if the Chinese tried to change our adoption laws, so why do we think we have any right to change theirs?

As the conversation deterioriated into a thinly veiled accusation that I was disinterested because I wasn't currently in the process, I had to stifle a laugh. True, I'm not in the adoption process and most likely never will be again, but that isn't the real issue. The real issue is one of time. Because of the success of the process in my life...I have very little time to actually keep abreast of the changes and even less time to get emotionally invested in the process changes. So, I'm sorry to disappoint folks with a lack of outrage...if I could just get the laundry done, the house picked up and the Thank you notes out from Christmas, may be I could get more worked up.