Good Kids??

There's a little girl in La Nina's class who is always late. I mean everyday and not a few minutes. Like a half hour or more. She's also never been to preschool and it's totally obvious in class, because she's the only one who struggled using scissors, identifying letters, sitting still in circle time, etc. And a couple of the Moms stand around at pick up and say, "So & so, was late again! It's such a shame. " But what they mean is " Oh, that poor kid. She's doomed to drop out of school, get pregnant young and lead a miserable life." They'll deny their innuendo, but it's there, trust me.

In my neighborhood, there are two teenage boys who are headed down very bad paths. Rumor has it one was already arrested and the other, who is younger, is hanging with a tough crowd. Both of these kids come from affluent families, not super wealthy, but those kids never wanted for much. They did well in school and sports for a long time, then all of a sudden, fell apart. And the other parents say, "Oh, those boys had everything. Things were too easy for them. That's the problem." And what they mean is, "Those two were spoiled with material possessions and lax parenting, and now they are doomed to be drug addicts and thieves."

And what I marvel at is that on both ends of the spectrum, kids struggle. The kids with very little struggle. The kids with too much struggle. And the rest of us walk a tightrope somewhere in the middle. We obsess over providing our kids the perfect diet, perfect school, perfect activity, perfect toys...I could go on. We provide for our kids, but Heaven forbid we provide too much and then we obsess over what is "too much."

So, I'm sitting here tonight wondering, where is that middleground? Does it mean that we set arbitrary rules around material possessions, such as no iPods until 10, no cell phones until 12 and no computers until 14 and that guarantees kids will turn out ok? Does it mean that Moms who really want to or really need to work stay home and the kids go without "things" because "things" don't matter and people who don't have "things" are better off? Does it mean we force fit kids into a school that isn't right for that child, just because it's good?

The truth on this is so muddled. Yet all of us seem to have an opinion. I've seen kids who've been given everything turn into wonderful people. And I've seen people who felt deprived turn into pretty horrible people. And in the end, I'm not sure that a lot of love and luck weren't the biggest influencers of all. If there's any truth in all of it, it's this: parents all love to point the finger, myself included sometimes. When in fact, we're all just doing the best we can to raise good kids.

All The Things I Haven't Done

If I owe you something or was supposed to do something for you, my apologies. I haven't forgotten, I've been a little crazy. I haven't been home more than a couple of hours at a time in three days.

It all started on Wednesday morning. See, I left the house early around 11 to drop off the kids at their schools. Normally, I then have a couple of hours of sanity, but not this week. I had to get the car cleaned out and washed so I could drive on Carly's field trip. By the time I did that, I had to get the van configured to hold five little girls. After that it was time to pick up Maggie, then Carly and on Wednesdays we go straight to dance. We made it to dance, but I forgot it was costume day in Carly's class, so I had to run home and get her Halloween costume and a treat. Of course, that meant I couldn't possibly pick up dinner for Maggie's school picnic happening that night. Once dance ended, we picked up dinner and made it to the school picnic. We visited with other families and had a delightful time. Then we came home and collasped.

Thursday made Wednesday look like a peaceful round of golf. After I loaded five boosters into the van, La Nina and I gassed up the car and arrived at school early as I was driving. Then we loaded five giggling little girls and one other Mom into my van for the drive to the pumpkin patch. Thankfully, the girls were angels. We spent the afternoon foraging for pumpkins, then we returned to the school. I grabbed another girl and I drove the carpool to Gymnastics. After I made sure the girls where changed, I dropped the kids off, called the other dad to let him know where to find the kids clothes, then raced home to meet the Magster coming home from her day with NanaPapa. After La Nina was dropped off, I made her a quick dinner, changed my clothes and left to get my hair cut and colored. (This was vital as the Magster proclaimed my hair was three colors: black, red and white!). After that, I met some friends for dinner. You may think this optional, but it wasn't as they had a check for me.

Then today...let's see we had homework to finish before school, then school drop offs, two hours in La Nina's classroom, a dash to the store to buy a baked good I never got around to baking for the cake walk donation, a trip to the bank to drop off the check mentioned above and then we had to come home to get ready because tonight was the school's Halloween Carnival. I had to get the kids to nap after school or they would have never made the carnival. The only way I can do this anymore is to lay down with them. Fortunately for me, the kids woke me up on time, otherwise we would have never made it.
The school carnival hasn't changed since I was a kid. Literally, there was a cake walk, a ring toss, a bean bag toss, a ping pong ball into fish bowl toss, a lollipop tree, etc. The kids loved every second of it.

Tomorrow's looking quiet: Only one dance practice, two birthday parties and a dinner party here at the house. I'm sure I can pull it off. Good thing I like to be busy. I just hope I can keep up this pace through December.

The Magster Turns Four!

I can't believe my baby celebrated her fourth birthday today. Four is such a fun birthday for kids. They totally get its their day. They understand that they're going to get presents, cake and ice cream. They are social and have friends. They are truly little girls, no longer babies.

When we got Maggie, I truly thought we were in for big emotional problems with her. She was so hard. She clung to me with such tenacity and went through such terrible separation anxiety I thought intervention was going to be necessary. She didnt' sleep, she really didn't eat much and Oh...that kid could cry. I'd never heard anything like it and she went on for hours. I was a second time Mom. I was calm, but I was worried. I remember in China telling the Dad that we could call in "experts", I had their names.

And now, she's such a happy, spunky little sprite. Give her scissors, glue, paper and markers and she'll be busy for hours. But really give her anything and she'll create something. If she needs to wind down, give her a magnadoodle for a few minutes and it will relax her. But watch out what music you put on: She'll memorize every word and repeat select parts of the lyrics at exactly the wrong moment. And she loves Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Michael Buble, Gwen Stephanie and Fergie. She's this mini-pop music officiando. I thought I should put on some old Madonna for her...she'd probably love it.

We feel so blessed that the Magster is our daughter. My only regret is that her babyhood went so fast. Really, all those rough time now seem like such a small blip on the radar and I just hope that as we go through this next phase of her childhood we remember to savor the moments as we know how quickly they'll pass.

Our first attempt at Video

We were downloading pictures from my camera and found this piece of video. Notice the attentive parenting skills I exhibit. Yep, this was going on and I was oblivious. The voice you hear is La Nina and she's trying to get Maggie to model her cookie sales brochures.



If you click the question mark, it will take you to YouTube and you can watch the video. Obviously, we don't have this video thing down yet.

Updates, Updates, Updates

She speaks! Finally, after seven weeks, Maggie spoke to her teacher. Okay, she whispered a single word, "pony", to her teacher and I was in the room--the teacher thought it would help-- Yeah, progress. Wednesday was her first ever share day at the new school. The way the new school does it is that the kids bring home a coffee can, you put your share item in the can and attach three clues about the item to the top. Then the class gets to guess at the contents of the can. The teacher asked Maggie to whisper in her ear what was in the can, and Maggie in her excitement about sharing, forgot she doesn't speak to her teacher. So, she whispered "pony". Of course, after the word was out, she said nothing else to the teacher...but hey, it's a start. The proverbial ice has been broken...now let's all just hope for an avalanche of words!

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A star is born. La Nina was invited to try out with a world-class gymnastics coach this afternoon. The coach, a former Chinese Gymnast and a nationally renown choreographer for the floor and beam, worked a group of about eight girls for 2 hours today. It was a flexible, "come for as long as you can type thing", so I pulled La Nina after 90 minutes. Honestly, I was afraid she was going to lay down in the middle of the floor and go to sleep! Of course, we have no idea how she did during the try out, but it's a good experience for her whether she's invited to join the team or not. We've seen the training schedule and both the Dad and I think it's too much for La NIna right now. (La Nina was the youngest girl out there.) Maybe next year when she's older, if she's invited back. Regardless, we're very proud of her for getting the invite and putting in a good showing at the try out.

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Purse blues. Am I the only woman in the world who cannot find a purse to meet my needs? I'm on purse number four this year! My purses have been either too big, too small, too casual or too ugly. Yes, too ugly. I went with Nora Ephron's theory on buy "the ugliest purse you can find because then it goes with nothing, but by definition it goes with everything too." Except, I just hated carrying a truly ugly purse--and believe me it was ugly! I've begun to think the problem is I keep buying these cheap Target purses and since I have nothing invested in them, they annoy me more. Perhaps if I spent some money on a purse, I wouldn't hate it because I couldn't afford to hate it. I miss the good old days when I carried a wallet and a set of keys. Why oh why can't I have that back? Oh yeah, I need to carry dance shoes, flip flops, pony tails bands, barretts, water bottles, snacks, tissues for little noses, chapstick, etc.

The Kick Off to the Holiday Season

It seems the Holiday season comes earlier every year. Red and green graces stores long before the orange and black of Halloween is put away. While it's hard not to love the holiday season for its themes of feast, family and festivities, the hustle and bustle is often exhausting...not that it isn't worth it. It's just tiring.

For me the holiday season is a 72 day marathon of events that start on Saturday, when the Magster turns 4. After the Magster's birthday, there's Halloween, then her family day on November 15. And we're sandwiching in a surprise trip to Disneyland between Halloween and Family Day. Gosh, then it's Thanksgiving, my personal favorite holiday. Then, whew...we have a break until...well, La Nina's family day on December 16th...that is unless we celebrate her Nutcracker debut as a Gingerbread which happens on December 9. Either way, we're definitely celebrating the Dad's birthday on December 21 and of course, Santa visits all good girls and boys on Christmas. Then, New Years' after that...not that I'll have the energy to ring in a new year after finishing off this one.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Oh To Be Her Teacher!

Well as of Friday, the Magster has yet to utter a word to her teacher at PreSchool. It's been a month. She speaks to her friends, but steadfastly refuses to speak to the teachers.

To their credit the teachers are trying. They don't allow her to sit at tables with her two best friends, who conveniently speak for her. They are also asking her direct questions every day and of course, she won't answer, but they're pushing. One of the teachers is actually funny about it. When I asked yesterday she said something to the effect , "Oh we know she talks...we see her at the crafts table." It's pretty simple to Maggie; if it's a teacher she ain't talking.

I'm working on this too. She and I wrote a book together this week about a little girl with purple hair who wouldn't talk to her teacher. In our book it came out that little girl was convinced mice would eat her toes if she spoke to her teacher. I'm not sure that's what's going on for us, but that's the explanation she gave me.

All this talk about the silent treatment leaves me with one thought: Why can't I get a minute of the peace and quiet? Really, the child talks my ear off day and night (yes, night...last night at two a.m. she wanted to chat about where the dog sleeps--preferably not in her room). I realize activities are key for her because it gives me a break from her little minnie mouse like voice. (Isn't that awful of me to admit?) I figure she keeps herself clammed up for almost seven hours a week and that's translating to seven hours of additional talking she needs to do and I'm the target. And it's happening in the middle of the night because she's already filled all her other hours with chattiness.

The irony with this situation is by nature, she's actually chattier than La Nina. Always has been. She speaks very clearly for an almost four year old and she's very social. She makes friends easily, chats them up without an issue. I wouldn't characterize her as shy, but she's proving me wrong on that assumption. She's the type of kid who makes up her mind about something and heaven help the poor soul who has to change her mind. Oh yeah, that's me!

Moving at the Speed of Life

LaNina has been bothering us for several days to take the training wheels off her bike. Since we didn't ride bikes much this summer (the place we lived during the remodel wasn't conducive to biking), I figured this would be a bit like the last time she begged us to take the trainers off...a short-lived, half hearted attempt at biking riding, followed by a skinned knee and an oath she would never ride her bike again.

The Dad got the trainers off this afternoon and at about 4pm LaNina was ready to give the two wheeler the old college try. She dressed herself in long pants and a long sleeve shirt (to prevent the 'skinning'), then donned her helmet and asked me to double check it was on real tight.

I thought about putting on some running shoes, but figured it wasn't worth the effort and she would be done before I tied the laces. Of course, there was no need for a camera. She wasn't even close to riding her bike. So, I went out in a pair of slip on sandals, grabbed the back of the seat of her bike, steadied her for about a step and and half, then I watched my daughter ride her bike about 50 yards down the court. Luckily, the Dad walked out onto the porch just in time to see her ride past the front of our house.

I was so excited for her. I jumped up and down, shouted encouragement, clapped my hands...which made her realize I wasn't right behind her. She dropped her bike immediately and cried big loud sobs. She didn't crash. There was no blood, but the shrieks sounded like a major collision. (We still have no idea why she started crying. We think maybe she surprised herself and got scared.) After that, the bike was put away and we took about an hour break before the Dad went out with La Nina and she rode again, and again, and again...without tears. By dinner, she was braking and turning unassisted. Still not able to start without help, but that will come.

Seeing her ride away from me was a wake up call. She's growing up. Fast. My mind flashed to all those endless hours when she was a toddler and I picked plastic storage containers off the floor four times a day. And those three hour naps she used to take and how frustrating it was not to make it to the store. Or those nights when she would just cry for no reason and all I wanted was some sleep. Every one of those days lasted an eternity at the time. And this afternoon, as she pedaled away from me, I stood in the middle of the street and wished with all my heart that things would slow down. This whole parenting journey is going way too fast.

Who's homework is it?

This week we're dealing with our first weekly homework packet. It contained a couple of worksheets, a poem and a form. Since it was all in Spanish I had no idea what to do with it. The next day we received instructions via email, kids were to memorize the poem, complete the worksheets and use the form for a book report. No due date was given. I felt like quite the school girl as I asked when this packet was due.

Now, let's think about a 12 line poem. La Nina can't read so how can she memorize it if I don't read it to her over and over again. That means she's now learning Spanish by listening to me. UGH! This could be damaging to her education. I know language is developed by repitition all that....but I thought school was handling the Spanish and my job was English. Today at school, it was apparent I wasn't the only mother a bit worried about the poem. One of the bilingual Moms was giving pronounciation lessons to another Mom and another bilingual parent was answering grammar questions. ('El aroma' just didn't look right.)

But here's my real issue with this: Why give a kid homework that requires such deep parent involvement? There's no way she can do this without me. I enjoy helping La Nina with her work. And yet, it feels like beyond help when I'm saying repeat after me, "Amalia ama las flores." A million times a day. And what kids wants to listen to their parent say, "repeat after me"....for more than about 3 consequetive minutes at a time.

I'm lucky. I'm home so LaNina and I work on a a couple of lines a day over the entire day. I can make it fun and relaxed. We should be fine by Friday. Of course, my money's on her to memorize it first, but no doubt I'll have it down by Friday too.