The Joys of Urban Campin'

We spent the weekend camping at a campground about 25 miles from our house. Lake Chabot is a park nestled in the hills between the inner bay and east bay. If you haven't been there, it's a gorgeous park with spectacular views of the bay and surrounding coastal hills. The campground is an area set in a stand of eucalyptus trees surrounded by trails for hiking and biking. The Lake is visible from parts of the camp grounds, but not accessible and that is good when you have little kids.

Camping in an urban setting had some advantages. There were very few bugs, no pesky varmints and grocery stores nearby. However, there are a few interesting twists to urban camping that I want to point out.

1.) While crickets could be heard at night, BART, the Oakland Airport, 580 and the Union Pacific Rail Lines were also audible from time to time.

2.) The kids kept asking if we were really camping because there was no bumpy road.

3.) Night time potty runs meant you hoofed it to the potty as there were too many people around to risk using a nearby tree.

All in all, we had a great time. Both kids came home dirty and exhausted: A sure sign they had fun. While we are sorry to see camping season end, we look forward to more adventures in the wild next year!

Enjoying Art with My Kids

I have long dreamed of the day when I will take my girls to an art museum and begin nurturing an appreciation for art. My parents took me to a few exhibits as a child, and I have fond memories of those times. Those visits laid the foundation for my current appreciation of art and its history. In fact, one of the best things about my husband is that he loves art as much as I do. So, I fully intend to try to pass this appreciation onto my kids.

Today, for the first time, the girls and I had a chance to discuss a work of art. We were leaving the library when La Nina noticed a pair of bronze sculptures. The first statue is of a little girl reading a book, the second is of a little boy laying on his belly looking up at her.

Since I wanted to hear about the art as she experienced it, not as I did, I had La Nina tell me about the statues. And she busily went about telling me the sculpture was of a little girl reading to a little boy, who was listening, and he was her little brother and she had a bow in her hair, etc. It was quite endearing to hear her insights. An older woman stopped near us to listen in and she was as touched as I was by La Nina's description. At 3 1/2, La Nina is a very observant child.

The Magster, of course, was following the conversation with great interest. She was standing in the sun near the statue of the little girl, swinging her arms and looking very interested. Finally, while La Nina was trying to decide which Alfie book the little girl was reading, the Magster walked up to the sculpture, pointed to the girl's hiney and blurted out, "Poo-Poo". The older woman and I cracked up.

But in a larger sense, the Magster was appreciating the art in the context of her life experience just as much as La Nina and I were. At 22 months, her life is simple. From her perspective, who gives a fig if the girl is reading? She has a bottom and must "poo-poo", was probably Maggie's thought process. And you know, the Magster kind of had a point.

As the three of us, made our way to the van, I realized I may someday forget that La Nina decided the little girl was reading "Alfie Gets In First", but I will never forget that little girl "poo-poos".

The 96/97cats are briefly herded for a group photo at Happy Hollow in San Jose

Reunion Weekend

Big weekend for Groups 96/97 as we gathered in Northern California for our first ever reunion. The festivities kicked off on Saturday night with a very low key dinner at our place. About 10 families gathered here for dinner and visiting, then today, the big group (maybe 15 families) gathered at Happy Hollow in San Jose.

I am happy to report all the babies are doing great. Many are starting to talk, and let me tell you, everyone is mobile. In fact, taking 15 toddlers aged 21-23 months to the zoo is like herding cats.

The girls have changed so much in the past 9 months. They are all so comfortable with their families. Their personalities are all emerging and it is now easy to spot the active kids from the mellower kids, the extraverts from the introverts. To a child, they all have discovered french fries. There is nothing more gratifying than going to a reunion and seeing all the girls thriving.

We took a group picture, always a chaotic process with toddlers. I hope to get posted soon.

Too much?

I have been having this internal debate lately regarding activities for the kids. I have been asking other parents and generally mulling the topic. So here it is for my blog: It seems I am sadly behind in getting my kids involved. And poor La Nina, if I listen to the activity list for most of her peers, it is a wonder she is developing at all!

One friend, exactly her age, does the following activities weekly: Language class, soccer, pre-school 3 days a week, Sunday school, gymnastics and dance. Another friend of hers does this list weekly (he is also exactly her age): Language class, soccer, preschool 5 days a week, beginning hockey and swimming. Here is La Nina's list: gymnastics, preschool 2 days a week, Sunday school starting in October, FCC playgroup when we can make it.

My question is at 3.5 years old, how much is too much? La Nina still needs 2 hours of sleep every afternoon, more on school days or if we swim in the morning. If you factor in naps and a day a week with Nana and Papa, she has very little free time now.

At this point, I am the only parent in Pleasanton who thinks 3 is too young for team sports of any kind. Sharing is still a new concept. Can you imagine how often a ball or puck is passed among 3 year olds? When I bring this up, the other parents just laugh at me and say I am missing the point. Well, I played soccer for 20 years, so I am familiar with the sport. If at 6 kids play bunch ball, are they calling random running soccer at 3? I can do that in my yard and not have to get anyone to practice on time.

I want my kids to have time for free form fun. You know the kind, where we go in the backyard and just play. But for my kids, especially La Nina, if I keep enrolling her in class, she won't have any time for just playing. You know, like kick back with Mom in the back yard. Or catch with dad. Or what about just climbing on the play structure with her sister? At 3.5 it seems to me that these things are important.

Funny, but I worry about this less with the Magster. By nature she is much more energetic and frankly, she and I won't be playing kick back, we will be running laps. And keeping the Magster busy will be key to maintaining my sanity, but with La Nina, I am just not sure how much she can handle.

Let's face it, most kids are just recreational sports kids, so isn't all this pressure so young going to lead to burn out by age 8? I don't know, but I would like my kids to be very involved in something of their chosing well into their teens and if I ruin it for them by burning them out too young, the risks of boredom in the future seem too great.

So that is my debate: How much is too much? Will my daughter fall behind because I have been unwilling to sign her up? I just don't know.

"Iwannadre"

I take back every thing nice I said about the Magster in my last post. I have officially now delivered two mother's curses to her. The first I delivered in the middle of the night when she had been screaming for two hours and showed no signs of tiring. Today, I delivered the second. I picked her up, looked her in the eye and said, "I hope some day you have a child exactly like yourself."

At the age of 22 months, the Magster is suddenly picky about clothes. This started a couple of days ago when she ran into her closet and announced, "Iwannadre". (In case you don't speak Mag-eng-ese that means 'I want a dress'.) I was a little dumbfounded by her determination, so I went along.

Then yesterday, I started to dress her in a pair of shorts and a shirt. She curled into a ball on the bedroom floor and screamed, "Iwannadre". I thought any dress would do so I pulled out a dress that says "San Francisco Giants" on it, and she started sobbing "no, no, no". Apparently, the Magster isn't a Giants fan. Several outfit attempts later, Maggie left the house in a skort and a tank top.

Today, she actually sat in her room and cried when I dressed her in the wrong outfit. I thought I would assert my parental control over the situation--mostly because all of her dresses were in the laundry--and I wrestled her into an adorable shirt and bike shorts. And trust me, dressing a Magster who doesn't want to get dressed is no easy task. When it became apparent she wasn't leaving her room in the outfit I selected, I became desperate. I remembered I had hand-me-downs from La Nina. I ran out to the garage, pulled out a hand-me-down from her sister and put it on her. She smiled, did her best princess twirl, threw 'unkie' over her shoulder and headed down the hall with her little nose in the air. At that point, I picked her up and delivered the curse.

If at 22 months, the Magster is dictating clothing selection, what is going to happen when she is 13? I am doomed and the curse is my only hope.

Nine Months in Our Arms

Tomorrow, it will be nine months since Maggie was placed in our arms. In some ways, it seems like just yesterday, and in other ways, it seems a long, long time ago. When I read my old posts and look at our China pictures, it is hard to believe the Maggie in my arms today is the same child from China. Lately, especially, she seems a completely different child.

Update: Maggie has really turned a corner in the past 6 weeks. Her sleeping pattern is predictable and while she sleeps less than La Nina, she sleeps at the same time as her sister. Thank God for small miracles.

As her sleep stablized, so did her emotions. Her crying is still loud, but rarely the screaming of the past. She no longer just screams inconsolably. She can calm herself or will allow me to calm her down. She doesn't seem to need as much reassurance from me as she did in the past and she takes minor upsets much more lightly these days. (That is not to say she doesn't fly into the occasional temper tantrum. She is almost 2.)

Food wise, she will eat some fruit, a few veggies and anything and everything with sugar. Her wheat allergy also seems to have subsided. I was told to watch the grass pollens, and sure enough, once grass pollens dropped, her wheat sensitivities eased. Whodathunk?

Perhaps the biggest change is that she just seems to trust both her dad and I completely now. She seems to be holding nothing back from us. It took Maggie nine months to get to this point, Much longer than La Nina, but she is a totally different kid. And the good news is, she made the transition. In her own time, but she did it.

To the parents of the tougher kids -you know who you are, you have emailed me with your stories - hang in there! To the families who are waiting, when you meet your babies, be patient. Every baby adjusts in their own way, in their own time.

A final note: Quitting my job helped Maggie tremendously. La Nina didn't really need it, but Maggie needed the extra time with me. I have no qualms starting her now in a day care type setting. I think she will love the interaction with the other kids, and I don't think she will be terribly stressed without me. Had I done it in May, I wonder if she would have made the progress she did this Summer.

Life as our kitchen floor

By far the most abused part of our house is the kitchen floor. I could clean it daily and there would still be something sticky on it. In one day, yesterday, the following spills occured in the kitchen.

8AM- Carly's Juice. The Magster is beginning to learn to drink from a cup and grabbed her sister's morning grape juice with a little too much zeal. The result: grape juice on the floor near the kitchen table. Because her sister caused the problem, La Nina reported the incident immediately.

2PM- Smoothie- Now that La Nina is able to open the refrigerator, I often find things rearranged a little. Thus when I opened the door and the smootie blender hit the ground with a crash, I was caught off guard. The result: 24 ounces of strawberry, pineapple and banana soy smoothie splattered on the floor and cupboards near the refrigerator.

3PM- Lemonade- Lemonade is a light colored liquid the kids' have a hard time seeing in a cup. Thus La Nina thought her cup was empty, brought it to the sink from the table. Unfortunatley, she spilled several ounces of lemonade on the floor near the sink and forgot to tell me. I found it while making dinner and sticking to the floor.

I swiffered the floor 3 times yesterday and it still looks like a battle was fought and lost on it. I am just not sure cleaning it is a good use of time. I think I am better off taking the kids to the park or the pool every afternoon to save myself some house work.

Etc., Etc., Etc.

Norman Girls at the Hall of Fame Ceremony

I watched Dan Marino's induction into the NFL Hall of Fame to catch a glimpse of two of his daughters. Did you see them? They were flanking his wife, Cindy. Marino used our agency to adopt his youngest daughters, so I was dying to see his two Norman girls. They are certainly beautful, not that all Dan Marino's children aren't beautiful. We kept La Nina up from her nap just to see them, she was quite unimpressed. In fact, she looked at me like I was a little nutty pointing them out to her. Our involvement in FCC and our many social events with our travel mates lead her to believe everyone has kids adopted from China in their family. I have to say, it sure does seem like it these days.

The Magster Hams It Up in Church

Maggie and I went to church today, while Daddy and La Nina went to the Church of Costco. Maggie was in rare form. I put her hair in pig tails, then she added a crown to complete her princess look. She sang to every song, but of course, only after the music had ended. She pointed at the Priest and yelled, "That?" during the quiet moments between readers. And she tried to climb the pew. She got a toe hold on the flyer-holder on the back of the pew and had a leg over the top before I could stop her. Then, when I stopped her, she yelled, "NOOOOOOO". I think I actually heard it echoing through out the church. She wasn't bad, just active and loud for the entire hour. Good thing the Priest saying Mass is a big defender of inclusion of children in Mass.

In re. John Roberts

I know I hit a hot button when my personal email lights up after a post. Turns out my John Roberts post struck a chord with many of you. Most of the emails have asked questions about the post or suggested legitimate reasons why it is ok to include adoption records in the background check. I appreciate the notes, even if I disagree that there is any legitimate reason to unseal those records.

La Nina, the Mermaid

One of the reasons I wanted the Summer off work was so I could expose the kids to water. I wanted to be able to hang out at the pool and get them comfortable with the water. When we started the Summer, La Nina liked the water, but she wouldn't put her head under and she definitely wouldn't let go of me in the water...ever. The Magster, as usual, plunged into the pool and only stopped of an occasional breath, but this entry isn't about the Magster and her fearless pursuits of death defying action. This is about La Nina.

As the Summer passed, La Nina was doing fine in the water, but I just sensed she needed some direction. I am not a swimming instructor, so I searched for swimming lessons that would take a 3 year old, that wasn't Mommy and Me. (Kind of tough to do Mommy and me, when my situation would be Mommy and the two of us.) The only group lessons available for a 3 year old were expensive. So, I broke down and paid for a single private lesson for La Nina at our pool...which very affordable. After the class, the instructor cleared her to join a class of 4 year olds.

Last week, La Nina completed her first two week swim course. It was a tot class simply focused on getting her familiar with the water. Now for the shameless bragging portion of my blog: La Nina was the only 3 year old in the class and one of only two kids who passed it. In fact, she was the only 3 year old to pass the class all Summer. The reason she passed the class: She started swimming the day after her private lesson.

As of this afternoon at the pool, she dives in from the edge, swims half way across the width of the pool. Then once she is turned around, she swims back to the edge. She floats on her stomach, dives for rings on the bottom of the pool and tries to do somersaults in the water today. It is incredible. She is at the point where normal muscle development is the only thing holding her back. At 3, your muscles aren't big enough to lift your arms out of the water to do the crawl or backstroke.

I asked La Nina if she liked swimming today on the way home from the pool, and she told me she did. When I asked her what she liked about, she told me that she liked swimming like Ariel. Well, not a bad comparison, because La Nina is my little mermaid. I don't know if La Nina's skills are commonplace for three year olds exposed to the water. I don't know if La Nina is even going to like swimming next year. But we are so proud of her progress this Summer, we are looking forward the surprises next Summer holds.

Shame on the New York Times

Have you heard the reports that the New York Times was looking into the adoption records of Supreme Court Justice Nominees John Roberts' children? Now before you say, "Oh that isn't true, only Drudge is reporting it." The New York Times issued a statement saying that the investigation into the adoption was part of a 'normal' background check. Normal background check? Exactly what did they think will be found? And more importantly, why is the history of those children relevant? Has the media lost all sense of decency?

I am offended that the New York Times would consider opening private adoption records as part of the normal background check of a public figure. It makes me sick. It makes me believe the New York Times is looking to lynch someone and sadly if they can't lynch a grown up, the Times is willing to turn children into victims. The history of those children belongs to the birth parents, the children and the adoptive parents. Period. End of story. No explanation needed. To me, this is the equivalent of asking biological parents to recount the night their children were conceived for all the world to hear.

Now, let's be real about the reasons behind this. People are so paranoid about how Roberts is going to rule on abortion, they are suspicious the adoptions are an indication of his leanings. Please! For the record, adopting two children did nothing to impact my personal feelings about abortion. Absolutely nothing. The issues are unrelated. One is about rights, the other is about family. Separate issues. Does this mean it is the same for John Roberts? I have no idea, but I am at least open to the possibility that he can separate legal issues from his family's personal decisions.

All adoption says about a person is that they understand parenting isn't about biology; biology does not equate to quality of love; love is not exclusionary rather it is inclusionary...and adoptive families learn these lessons the minute a baby is placed in their arms. That moment defies logic and reason. It is a moment shared by all adoptive parents, and you don't get to have the moment unless you adopt. Anyone who thinks the paperwork and process that goes into making magic happen is relevant, is a person who has never experienced unconditional, irrational love themselves. How tragic. And how tragic for all of us, that this foolish, lonely person is willing to sacrifice two children for "our right to know". The world has no right to know on this one.

The girls pose on a rock. They loved camping!

The Magster, La Nina and their buddy B on a camping log

Campin'

We took the girls camping last weekend. We spent 3 days in an undeveloped campsite located in the Sierras on the Stanislaus River. We had a ball. Maggie was filthy from rolling in dirt for 3 days straight. La Nina was exhausted from playing with her buddy from morning 'til night. And it seems Dad and I spent our time packing and unpacking our camping gear, but it was worth it.

The camp out left me with a serious question: How do families without an SUV go camping? We packed our SUV including the top rack and had could barely fit the dog in the back of the car. Now campers of the past had more room to work with: There were no car seats dominating their back seat and the kids could just ride a top gear.

But today, cars start off half full if you have two adults and two kids in car seats. Still, the experience left me wondering: Why does it take so much stuff for a family of four to spend three days in nature? I took a critical look at our camping necessities and made a few discoveries. The following are probably items not brought camping by families with small cars:

1.) The families with smaller cars probably don't bring comfortable chairs to use around the fire. They most likely rely on picnic tables in the campground. But if you want to cozy up to the fire and roast some marshmellows, those chairs sure come in handy and they work well for afternoon napping too..

2.) The fact we always take two ice chests is excessive. But I really like to have one ice chest for food and another for beverages. I know it means more space in the car, but juice in the morning, soda at lunch and a beer at night, works for me...and doesn't fit into a single ice chest along with food for 3 days.

3.) My guess is some families don't bring an automatic drip coffee maker for their coleman stove. However, this necessity eliminates the guess work required for percolating coffee the old fashion way. Maybe some people don't even bring a coffee pot. Now that would be roughing it.

4.) Blenders and a power converter for your car battery are probably not in the back of every camper's car. I suppose it is not a necessity to sip margaritas while watching the sunset, but it is a lot more fun when you do.

I have considered what it would mean to leave these items home and decided that I would buy the Dad a higher step stool that fits in the car and longer bungee cords so he can stow more items on top of the SUV. While I may be willing to go without a shower, I refuse to skip my coffee and juice in a comfortable chair near the fire. And if I don't have that evening margarita to look forward to at the end of the day, I may as well stay home.