Celebrations

Maggie and I were at a birthday party for one of her classmates this afternoon. It's the last of the birthday season for Maggie. All eight kids in Maggie's class celebrate birthdays between mid-October and the first of December.

I was chatting with another Mom and she made a comment that got me thinking. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: Isn't something how close in age this group is?
She: Yeah, a bunch of Valentine Day babies.
Me: Huh?
She: Well, my son was born on his due date (11/3) and if you calculate back from my son's birthday, he was conceived on Valentine's Day.
Me: Oh, I'd never thought of it.
She: Well, I'm sure it might be a little different for everyone, but I bet that's the story for most of these kids.

I've never discussed Maggie's adoption at school. Some Moms know, some don't. It isn't a secret, it just isn't something that comes up often. I don't know if this Mom realizes Maggie is adopted. Either way, this Mom really got me thinking, becuase I'm fairly certain they don't celebrate Valentine's Day in China.

Anyway, Maggie is two weeks older than Valentine Boy, so I sort of dismissed the whole conversation as non-applicable...until it hit: they may not celebrate Valentine's Day, but they do celebrate Chinese New Year in early February. So, for ducks, I looked up the date of Chinese New Years in 2003- it was 2/1/03. Then I did an online conception calendar for Maggie's birthday...it projected she was conceived around 1/27/03. WOW--those dates fall less than a week apart! It's possible Maggie was conceived by a couple ringing in the New Year. It sort of sent a chill down my spine to put that together.

Of course, who really knows. Her birthparents may not know for certain, but it's sort of bittersweet to see the dates line up. There are so many unknowns for my girls. So many questions we may never have answered. The unknowns used to leave me sad, but now, most of the time, I just accept them as the "real" cost of adopting these two great kids. Yet, a little conversation like today, can leave me wondering about their history again.

Happy Family Day to Maggie. We celebrated 2 years with her on November 15, 2006. To read about our journey to China, see the November 2004 archives.  

My Little Blossom Blooms

Two years ago today, we were in China finalizing Maggie's adoption at the US embassy. So, tonight I went back and read those posts. I haven't read them in sometime (sorry for all the typos) and I found the posts amusing and a little heartbreaking all at once.

Maggie had a rough time with us in China and a rough time when we first came home. I still can't watch our Family Day video of her...the look of terror on her face breaks my heart. When she came to us, she was starting to show signs of malnutrition, she was covered with eczema and she was covered with nervous hives from the stress of being adopted. Unlike her sister, Maggie's lungs were healthy and she could scream louder and longer than any child on our trip. Today, when I think back on those days, read my old blogs and watch the video, it is hard for me to believe that wild little baby is the same child I'm raising now.

Fast forward two years and Maggie is a normal, happy three-year-old. She loves life, her family and friends. She has a very wacky personality and is only quiet when she sleeps. These days most of the noise she makes is English, but she does occasionally just babble to herself for fun. Half the time, she is singing some song I don't recognize, because she gets the words wrong all the time. Even when she falls asleep, she makes this little clicking noise with her tongue. That noise is the only proof I have she is still the same baby we adopted.

As her teacher said during our parent/teacher conference, "Maggie does everything big." If she's coloring, she uses the most colors and covers the most paper. If she's pretending, she is the most gracious princess, the most terrifying tiger, the most helpless baby (and these are just today's 'pretends') that you have ever seen. And when she smiles, she lights up a room.

Of course, she still doesn't really like men-except her dad, fruits and vegetables, milk that isn't chocolate and wearing clothes that are not her choice. She does like her wankie (blanket), her pink cowboy boots, anything chocolate and anything sweet, and doing arts and crafts. She is remarkably coordinated, incredibly funny and insanely neat.

I've thought a lot about why things were so rough for her early on. My intuition tells it was a combination of things. She grew 7 inches in the first 7 months she was with us, she got about 12 teeth in the same time period, and she was most likely going through sugar withdrawal. So, we definitely had some physical things happening. But also (and this took me a LONG time to figure out), I believe she was afraid of her crib. Once I let her nap on the couch and sleep in our bed if she woke up, her disposition began improving, because she was rested. The majority of her sleep issues were resolved once she started sleeping in a toddler bed and with the departure of the sleep issues, the happy girl came home to stay.

With two girls so close in age (only 19 months apart), I rarely have a chance to sit and think about how far we've come. With Maggie, it's been like watching a flower bloom. She didn't take to her transplanting at first, but with time, patience and love, she's blossomed. And we're so very grateful this Thanksgiving to be sharing her journey.

A belated happy family day to my Magster. We're looking forward to many, many more.

A conversation with my teen-ager...oops, I mean my pre-schooler

Me: Hey, La Nina, guess what? I'm off work today and you don't have to school.

La Nina: What are we doing?

Me: Well, I'm getting ready for Thanksgiving. You and your sister get to just hang out!

La Nina: Are we going to the park?

Me: I doubt it. I have a bunch of cooking to do. May be you can help.

La Nina: Can we frost a cake?

Me: No cake for this holiday. It's pies and Grandma is bringing them.

La Nina with brows furrowed: So, we aren't doing anything?

Me: We're hanging out together.

La Nina: Are my friends going to school?

Me: Some of them are.

La Nina: Mom, I want to go to school. It's boring at home.

Oy vey! Happy Thanksgiving everyone from the boring-est Mom ever! I thought this didn't start until the teens.

Alls well that ends well

Well, the hockey playing princess had her beautiful smile restored by a prince in a blue smock. Yep, our dentist was able to fix La Nina's tooth in about 20 minutes and without any shots. And it really looks pretty good considering.

Turns out she did quite a number on her tooth and she still may lose it. The break in her tooth was so deep that there was danger of infection, so that's why the tooth was sealed. Without the cap, she would have lost the tooth for certain. Now the odds are more 50-50. We go back next week, so he can xray her mouth. He couldn't do it yesterday because her gums were too bruised. It really isn't a big deal if she loses the tooth, it's a baby tooth and will fall out in the next couple of years anyways.

The school feels terrible that La Nina kept the injury a secret. I still can't believe she made it all day without telling anyone. It turns out at least one of her little friends was with her at the time of the accident and saw the broken tooth. I found out by writing a fairytale "The Princess and the Dentist." I had La Nina help me with the details and it was amazing how much she shared. I'll have to remember the technique.

Anyway, La Nina is doing fine, her smile is back and we've been enjoying all the stories people have told us about when they broke their teeth as kids!

And then things took a turn for the worse

First and before I start lamenting my life, Happy Family Day to all of our Travelmates with USAA Groups 96 and 97! We know where you were 2 years ago today!

When I arrived at the school to pick up the girls tonight, my mind was full of the things that needed to be completed before our family dinner. For Family Days, we do a small gift, a cake and a special dinner of the honorees choice. We were celebrating Maggie joining our family tonight and she selected spaghetti, green beans, chocolate cake and blue frosting.

La Nina and I had talked this morning and she wanted me to get Maggie a Snow White Barbie as a Family Day gift from her. So, I reversed my normal pick up order today and went into La Nina's class first. I needed to tell her I'd picked up the surprise and that I even found a Tinkerbell bag to wrap it in. I found La Nina in her classroom playing and told her the news. She was excited, so I went to the book to sign her out.

As I was signing the book she said, "I bumped my tooth today and it was bleeding and everything."

"Really?" I asked. I had already been to her cubby, and there was no note from the school about an injury so I figured she was being dramatic. She nodded her head and ran to the door to get her sister.

We picked up Maggie and discovered she had an accident during her nap and was in some back up clothes. The teacher and I discussed how Maggie can wake up crying and put herself back to sleep during naps as long as you get to her quickly. We bid her teacher good-bye and headed to the car.

La Nina and Maggie charged ahead of me and as always, La Nina tried to climb the gate to let us out. We got to the car. Maggie got in first. I boosted La Nina into the car and when she got in her car seat, I got my first good look at her. I kid you not, 1/3 of her front right tooth was missing. Her gum above it was bruised and bloody.

"OMIGOD," I said, trying to remain calm. "Your tooth is chipped."

Immediately, La Nina started sobbing.

"Let me see."

"No."

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"When did this happen?"

Shoulder shrug. Not wanting to leave the kids or get them out of the car, I called the school's office from the van and asked if they knew anything about the injury. The site manager put me on hold to check with the teachers.

"Mom," La Nina said from the back. "It happened on the bars. I didn't tell the teachers."

I look around at her and asked when it happened,. Her response was another shoulder shrug. Yesterday, this kid was wailing over a mere shot. A day later, she chips off a good portion of one of her front teeth and she is tough enough not to let on to her teachers? I tell her its going to be okay, but I'm dumbfounded.

The site manager comes back on the phone. "No one who's here saw anything. She never acted upset. Did she say where it happened?"

"On the bars."

"Omigoodness, the children played on the bars around 10am this morning and not since."

"Did she eat lunch?"

"I would have heard if she didn't."

Anyway, you get the gist of it. I called the Dentist and we have an appointment tomorrow morning. The portion of her tooth that is left is wiggly and to me, it looks a little discolored already.

She told me the story slowly over the entire evening. She was trying to climb up a bar, when she bashed her tooth into the bar. She said that the bar made a funny sound and she felt something in her mouth. She spit it into her hand and it was part of her tooth. She was afraid of getting in trouble, so she didn't tell her teachers it had happened. When outside time was over, she went into the bathroom and saw her tooth was chipped.

From there it's simple to deduce she just kept her mouth shut all day. Is that determination or what? We can't blame the school, she never asked for help and hid the problem. How were they supposed to know? It isn't like she took a big spill.

Anyway, we'll get the prognosis on the tooth tomorrow and for now, our daughter resembles a hockey player.

And poor Maggie, I should be writing something nice about how she's blossomed over the past two years (and she really has), but instead, she's relegated to a bit part in her sister's drama.

The Worst Part of Motherhood

I know, you think I'm going to write about how much I hate laundry. While I do find that laundry is the bane of my existence as a mother, the worst part of being a Mom is taking my kids to get flu shots. Yep! Flu shots. La Nina has asthmsa, therefore, we all should get annual flu shots. The following is my version of the happenings in the Pediatric Injection Clinic at Kaiser today.

11:00 Pull into the Kaiser parking lot. The minute we parked the car, La Nina is suspicious. Her reaction was not unlike this post .

11:05 Enter the Pediatric Injection Clinic. I handed over two Kaiser cards and signed some forms.

11:09 Get escorted into the clinic. Since Maggie needed a couple of immunizations beyond the flu shot, the nurse and I determined she should go first. This was a critical error.

11:10 La Nina started sobbing that her sister is going to get shots. She is yelling that we're going to hurt her sister. She makes it sound like we are administering so some of evil torture on her sister. Kind of sweet, but at the same time, I really didn't want her sister to hear that shots were going to hurt.

11:11 The Magster asked why her sister is so sad. I fumbled for an explanation, but really can't find a very good one. Let's face it, the Magster was about to get 3 shots, not La Nina.

11:12 La Nina began hysterically begging not to get a shot. We've never mentioned she is next. She's just put it all together. The two Kaiser cards, the talk of a flu shot. She figured it out and her melt down intensified.

11:13 The Magster's shots are completed and she selected a Pooh sticker as a prize of her bravery. There were no tears, no whining, no complaints. Just worry about her sister.

11:14 While I'm admiring Maggies sticker, La Nina makes a run for it. Really, she sprinted from the clinic. Made it as far as the lobby and stopped. Thankfully, she got confused about where to go. However, the confusion didn't leave her tongue tied. In the lobby, she screamed, "I don't want to get a shot. They hurt me. I'm scared of them." Every single mother in the clinic glared at me. I can't say that I blame them. Their kids are all wide eyed at the spectacle La Nina is creating.

11:16 I drag my 40 lb daughter who is wearing pink cowboy boots (and is kick her feet madly) back into the clinic. Every parent in the lobby hates me. Three kids in the lobby start to cry. I want a shot of something pretty darn bad, myself. And I'm not talking about the kind that the doctors give you!

11:17 A nurse wisely closes the door thwarting any further escape attempts and joins me in my attempts to get La Nina on the table. It takes two adults but we do it.

11:18 The one shot is administered with 3 grown ups involved. Me and a nurse are holding La Nina down and a third nurse is giving her the shot.

11:20 The shot is over, but La Nina is sobbing. Her arm hurts. She holds it away from her body at a 45 degree angle and slumps her shoulders like she's been seriously wounded. I offer to take her to Mc Donald's for a Happy Meal. For the first time in her life she refuses. So, I offer her a new Barbie. Her response: "Can I get the Happy Meal too?" The nurses fall over laughing.

The nurses reassure me that this is fairly common behaviour in the shot clinic, among the 4-5 year olds. They are old enough to remember shots and old enough to know they can hurt. Of course, this doesn't make me feel any better.

Miscellaneous

So, I'm typing this post wrapped up in blankets because our heater won't start. Why, oh why did we wait until mid-November to test it out? I've put extra blankets on the kids beds, and I'm hoping they stay warm. Why is it that as our house is approaching it's 10th birthday everything is falling apart?

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We had one of those weekends that looked quiet on paper and ended up being crazy busy. So busy that I never made it to the grocery store and we ran out of milk during dinner. This, of course, caused both girls to act as if their brittle bones would snap in two if we didn't get them milk immediately. The Dad made an emergency milk run and I'm happy to say we're prepared for morning.

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Highlights from the weekend: A birthday party for a Suixi sister and a great chance to catch up with other families we traveled with, a trip to Farmer's Market in the rain and hot cocoas, a visit to Auntie and Tio in their new digs. We had a great time, but really wonder where all the time went.

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An update on my efforts to improve my exposure to literature: I finished the Grapes of Wrath and I never read a word. I listened to it in my car on tape. It was fabulous, I can't believe my English teachers never suggested that. I also read Pride and Prejudice for the first time. Of course, I'd seen the movie and knew the story, but seeing the movie is just never the same. Now, I get why in Bridget Jones Diary she named the love interest Mr. Darcy. Why did I miss that before?

In case you're wondering, I back to reading trash. Thankfully my foray into literature was short lived. Maybe I'll give something else more serious a try after I rest my brain a little.

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Two years ago today, we'd just arrived in China and were getting ready to meet Ms. Maggie. I looked at her photo album with her tonight and for the first time, she asked me why she was crying in all the pictures. I told her I didn't know and asked her why she thought she was crying. Her answer, "I was lonely, Momma, and I was really, really scared." That old expression straight from the mouth of babes come gems of wisdom was never more true.

Tales from the Dark Side of Motherhood

I swear, I think I should use that title for the blog. Everyday something seems to happen to reinforce my mediocrity at motherhood. But the one yesterday was exceptionally bad.

So, I take the kids shoe shopping a couple of times a year. Of course, for La Nina any trip to the store is all about shoes, but we have two trips designated for shoe buying. A Spring trip where we get sandals and sneakers and a fall trip where we get sneakers and winter play shoes. All other shoes I buy the kids are from Target or somewhere equally inexpensive.

Anyway, yesterday we ended up doing the Fall shoe excursion. La Nina was in her glory. She put on a skirt, brushed her hair and danced aroud for hours at the thought of visiting the shoe shop. And when we got to the store she promptly fell in love with a pair of white patent leather Mary Janes. Now, I'm all for patent leather, but white after Labor Day? Well...no daughter of mine will appear in Glamour magazine with the fashion "Don't" bar covering her eyes. So she didn't get the white shoes and we compromised on a black patent leather shoe and white heart sneakers, she was thrilled.

Maggie walked into the shop and fell in love with this pair of red leather play shoes. They were really cute and just looked comfy. Then they measured her foot. Horror: Her foot had grown 2 sizes from the last time she was measured. Now in my defense, she usually takes one look at the shoe measuring tool and curls her feet into balls. But two sizes. If I could have captured the look on the sales girl facel, it was priceles. The Magster's feet are now only about a 1/2 size smaller than LaNina.

Anyway, so bad Mommy, my kid's feet were two size too big for her shoes. No wonder she always wanted to be barefoot.

Concentration

After dinner tonight, I sat down with the kids to play their favorite game. Concentration. Remember that game? You put a deck of cards face down and then find matches 2 by 2. So, there we were, me, the Magster and La Nina, playing cards on the ottoman.

It started off well for me. I found the first couple of matches and thought I might actually have a prayer. However, those were the only matches I made for the rest of the night. The Magster absolutely ran the table. La Nina did pretty good too, but when it wasn't her turn she was doing cartwheels, so her vision of the table was limited to the cards she turned over on her turns. I, on the other, was watching everything and still couldn't make a match.

I figured out early on, Maggie was using me. She would watch me not get a match, then use my miss to make her own matches. It was humiliating. My three year old cleaned my clock by manipulating me to turn over cards for her! However, in my defense, I must ask...what did she have on her mind other than the cards? NOT ONE THING!

I, on the other, was worried about voting tomorrow, getting the kids in for flu shots, paying my payroll taxes on the business and completing a story that I'm freelancing. And that is just my list of worries for the next two days. Add to it work issues, the AWOL cleaning lady, the upcoming holidays, and any number of other stress and I'll tell you, it was totally unfair.

So, from now on, I only play concentrationj with them right before a big party they are looking forward too attending. May be that way, I'll win.

"We want more candy. PULLLLLLEASE!!!!!" The girls on a sugar high at Grandma and Grandpa's house Halloween night. 

Lots of Treats

Well, we survived the Halloween madness. The princesses scored big on candy and I scored big on the exhaustion meter. Yep, one big night of trick or treating has translated to a week's worth of early bed times. Halloween has a few redeeming qualities.

Probably the highlight of Halloween was seeing the kids in their pre-school Halloween parade. The school has a very sweet tradition. The kids make their own costumes. Nothing store bought is allowed. Then the kids proudly march through the play yard while dozens of parents and grandparents snap photos. Of course, my kids didn't cooperate. Maggie ripped off her costume and handed it to me, thus ruining any photo op. And La Nina hid behind her teacher. While disappointing, this was solid progress: It was the first year we didn't have tears.

But let's get real. Halloween is just sort of a harbinger for the holidays that are speeding towards us with the speed of a couple of determined trick or treaters. Before long, we'll be worried about getting a tree, the lights, the gifts and of course, Santa. Hard to believe the holiday season is almost here.