Remodel Update: What are we doing again?

What's that old expression about remodeling? Double the time and triple the cost and that's the best estimate for a remodel? As my old sociology professor used to say, behind every prejudice and stereotype is a kernel of truth. I see that sociologists theory holds true for remodels as well.

This remodel started because I need an office or at least a place to write. Our house is the perfect size for our family, but the space is designed for a couple. So, we thought...hey, add an office, solve some design problems, keep the neighborhood we love, get an improved house, all without moving. Add the allure of keeping property taxes under control, and I was the first in line to remodel.

So, over the past few months, we've met with an architect, an engineer, city planners, general contractors, decorators, mortgage brokers...and in the process we determined if we're going to be adding an office, we may as well remodel the kitchen. And if we're remodeling the kitchen, we may as well fix the laundry room. And you know, the flooring in this place really needs help. Then there are the closets. And don't even talk to me about the girls bathroom. So, we set a budget, upped the budget, upped the budget again...and applied for a loan. We took our plans to city, and they sent us back to engineering, which forced the framer to redo his numbers for the general contractor, and we finally got a total cost for all the work we want to do last Thursday....and it was over budget, before a wall even came down.

And that takes us to decision time. What's it going to be more space or same space more efficiently configured? We decided that by eliminating the office and therefore, the second floor, we could afford many of the other projects including one which will provide me writing space. So, now we know what we're doing, but of course, it will probably change once we get underway. So, that is the how we got to where we are. But if you ask me again next week, it may change.

First wall down status: About 3 weeks away. We bought ourselves some time by focusing on the kitchen.

Brief Status: Packing: About 25 boxes packed. Kitchen is mostly done, family room, dining room are almost done. Wondering exactly how to pack several items including 6 ft. fake fichus.

Biggest Question: Why is it a good idea to collect dishes? I'm questioning my love of dishware now that I've packed it all.

Kids: I found a great task for them. Writing on the boxes. After I label the boxes, it's their job to make the boxes pretty. They're doing a fine job.

La Nina's Big Day

In the midst of remodel preparations and web sites launching, we have a little girl getting ready for kindergarten. Today, was La Nina's big Kindergarten preview. Ok, it was really an evaluation, but I pitched to her as a preview, because I didn't want her to think it was anything was a pass/fail situation.

In our school district, they encourage parents to bring their kids in for this little evaluation, so the teachers can meet the kids and the kids can see kindergarten. During the time, the kids are very subtly tested for kindergarten readiness. The tasks are simple: find your name tag on the floor, listen to a story, draw a picture, write your name, cut a line. Yet, it's also enough to give the kids a feel for big kid school.

La Nina's never been a kid who liked change. When she was little any little change through her for a loop. It's much better now, but she still isn't a fan of new things. So, when I told her today we were going to see a classroom, meet some teachers and make some new friends, she was luke warm, at best. About the only part of kindergarten that interested La Nina was the playground and her questions about that were focused on the monkey bars.

When we got to the school, the kids were almost immediately taken into their own room. Let me tell you, what a tug on my heart to see her walk into a kindergarten classroom. When did she get so big? I wondered. We parents were left to complete paperwork that asked questions like: "What should we know about your child?" or "What do you like best about your child?" "How long each day do you read to your child?" I swear, I felt like I was the one getting evaluated. Then the teachers gave a little talk about what to expect over the next couple of months.

After about 30 minutes, the kids started filtering back into the parent room, all except La Nina. Finally, she came in and she was all smiles. Turned out she wanted to make her picture extra good. After the sessions, the kids were invited to look around the room and play on the playground. La Nina liked the fish in the room and she was very interested in the art on the walls. After she finished with the classroom, it was time for the playground. I'm happy to report there were monkey bars...

When we got back to the car almost 90 minutes later, she chatted all about the teachers, and the monkeybars, and the story they read. It was clear that she had a great time and now, she's very excited to start school. Of course, I'm the one who's now a little sad. It isn't because I'm worried about her, she's more than ready for school. It's just I wonder how it is that we got to this point so quickly.

"It'll be wonderful when it's done...."

We're about 10 days from starting demolition on our house in preparation for a major remodel and already, I have to remind myself of how wonderful it will be someday. A quick update:

Packing: Ugh! I have maybe 10 boxes packed. It's mostly kitchen and dining room stuff and I have a LONG way to go. This is the stuff that takes the longest, right?

Decisions: We picked our color palette, flooring and cabinets yesterday. Counters are next..but we have a good idea of what we like. It'll be wonderful when it's done.

Projects: Well, we know we're going to do the kitchen, but the upstairs is up in the air. Costs are sky-rocketing and unless we find a way to get them under control, we'll have to change directions. It may end up meaning we do the laundry room, currently the slums of our home, and the Master Bathroom aka ballroom. (Our master bathroom is disproportionally large...it's ridiculous actually. It would be good to reconfigure it.)

Kids: There were a few tense moments when the Magster decided to help me pack my antique China. Otherwise the kids pretty much cooperated with the entire day. Thank goodness their old enough to entertain themselves. A year ago this would not have been possible. But today, they happily played store, colored and rode bikes around the court. Of course, the three hour nap helped.

"Tween Moment: La Nina dancing to Kelly Clarkson on the radio. Scary.

I'll try not to bore everyone to tears with TMI on this whole remodel, but I'll give weekly or so updates. For now, it's just a lot of work and I really have no idea how I'll get it all done.

The Dilemma

I wrote the post below to poke fun at the whole dance world where I live. But really there's a more difficult issue to navigate threaded in youth activities these days: Competition.

When I was a kid, you could play three sports and if you were really good, maybe around 10 you were invited to play on a competitive team that played closer to year round. But even then, you only practiced a couple of times a week, and there was always a break in the summer. So, you could play other sports or do other activities.

Today, we'll be navigating our kids through a whole different world. If a kid doesn't start something by 5, it could be too late. Of course, it isn't really too late, but what kid wants to pick up a sport at 8 and compete against other kids who have been playing it for 3 years? So, as a parent, your hand is forced, get your kids involved young or risk having them left out. Even worse, all the studies (and a bit of common sense) say, when kids are busy in their teens, they are less likely to get in trouble. But if they aren't busy young, will they want to be busy in their teens? So, it's risk burn out or boredom.

So, what's a parent to do? Start their toddlers in a host of activities or hold off? I have kept my kids mellow considering the options out there. Both girls do dance and gymnastics...activities that involve all the major muscle groups, somehow these activities seem good for little kids. Activities that require and build coordination seem wise, because they will serve kids well no matter which direction they take.

But, what if your child demonstrates an aptitude for something early? Do you let them move ahead, challenge themselves and possibly succeed? Or do you purposely hold off? Do you try to walk a middle road where you neither push nor hold back and let your intuition guide your decisions? We've tried the latter, and it's worked great. BUT I can see where in 18 months, the activities will want a bigger commitment. And in order to continue to be challenged, our daughter will have to make a decision. She'll have to choose between activities, become a specialist, by the 3rd grade. Isn't that crazy?

What's changed since I was a kid? I wonder if it's where I live--in the Bay Area, a crazy area, to say the least. I wonder if it's our success driven culture. I wonder if it's my own fault for letting my child try early, yet I'm proud of her success...so I don't regret exposing her. I just wish it was simpler. I wish that we didn't face such decisions so young. You know, it may be easy. La Nina may just love something, and that will be that. But at this point, she loves dance AND gymnastics...and those are two mistresses which do not tolerate sharing and require commitment very young. It will be interesting to watch the paths they take her.

A Message from Trump's Dance Academy

Dear Parent:

You're daughter, La Nina, and your wallet are invited to take dance to a whole new level. Because your daughter possesses a rare gift and you've demonstrated willingness to fund it, we're inviting her to join the Dance Team. Not only will your daughter be able to do things that you know she'd love, you'll have the rare privilege of paying for it.

Yep, she'll be dancing at Disneyland, performing in the Nutcracker and pirouetting around Pleasanton...while you'll spend countless hours driving her to lessons, practices and performances. While she's practicing tap, jazz and ballet, you'll learn to apply fake eyelashes, glitter and hairspray. Plus you'll pay for costumes, lessons, sweatsuits and dance bags. Good thing your credit rating is so strong.

Finally, dear parent, remember, if your child has not found a direction in life by the time she's seven, all hope of scholarships are out the window. So, choose wisely for your future: Start now or pay later.

Sincerely,

Trumps Dance Academ

Once you go .MAC...

As of about two weeks ago, I began using a MAC for the first time in my life. Now I know most MAC users are rabid lovers of their computers, Steve Jobs and all fruit that is red and round. I'm not terribly technical and I don't have time to learn...so the whole MAC experience has been a bit like adoption parenting...a long wait, followed by a few unexpected bumps, but it's all working out fine now. I do think my new Mac is very pretty. In fact, she's lovely. I'm thinking about naming her Fiona.

However, I have one really big gripe about the MAC: No back space button. Where the heck is the backspace button? It's KILLING me not to have a backspace button. The delete button is a pain. I need my backspace. If you ask me, this quite possibly could be why Apple never took over the world. Here's my theory: some VP couldn't back up when he/she got to typing too fast, they put out some bad marketing material and it killed their stock. Sure may be I'm off base, but I need to backspace.

I hope this new machine will allow me to post pictures again. Some random hiccup happened with my other machine and I lost the capability, but I'm hoping my Mac makes it easier for me. And I can't wait to hook up my iPod. It should be really fun.

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Other family news:
**La Nina had strep throat. After a throat culture, it was determined I've been spared the disease.
**The remodel is starting in about 3 weeks and our family will be officially homeless soon there after. The contractor's saying 10 weeks, but what's that old expression double the time and triple the costs. Yeah, I'm hoping we're back in by the holidays.
**Maggie's in love with Sanjaya, but she's not old enough to dial a phone, so I'm pretty sure she's not voting for him.
Please humor my quick Idol run down: I think Melinda is sweet, but really dull and she has no neck, but she's so nice I feel bad writing that about her. I like Lakisha's fire, but she seems a little DIVA-ish. My two favorites are Blake and Jordan. I just can't believe Sanjaya and Phil are still in it.

Mornings...

I thought I had it down this morning. I was dropping the kids off, but by 8:15am I had them dressed, brushed, washed and ready to go. We even had coats in hand, were making potty runs and I was secretly thrilled I was going to make it to work on time. Works been a little crazy lately. Then the phone rang.

A little back ground, La NIna's been sick since Sunday. She woke up on Easter with a fever and a sore throat, so she and I missed the big egg hunt to work on getting well. Then Monday, the fever seemed better but she had these circular rashes the size of oranges, covering her legs. They were raised and angry looking...they even felt hot when I touched them. So, off we went to the doctor, where they did a throat culture and sent me to dermatology. Three doctors later it was determined that La Nina had hives and we were given two different anti-histamines to get them under control. She seemed better yesterday, and practically fine today: the hives were receding, the fever was long gone, she was even eating again...but that darn phone.

It was the doctor calling to tell me La Nina did have strep throat, needed anti-biotics and oh..by the way no school. And that's when I heard a crash. Glass splattered all over the entry way right as I was about to ask the doctor if he realized what chaos he'd just caused me? But I forgot about that because I really didn't want to go into an emergency room and explain..."Gee, my kid with strep broke a candle while I was on the phone getting instructions on how to better medicate her..." I cleaned up the mess while my mind raced....big project launch in 2 weeks, kid sick, glass all over.....what has my life become and why did I say I would drop off this morning?

In a panic, I called my folks for help. They rushed over to get the La Nina. Maggie could definitely go to school. Nothing wrong with her? Right. Well, when Papa showed up to grab La Nina and Maggie figured out that La Nina was going to watch television and eat fudgesicles all day long at Nana-Papas...well, she pitched a bloody fit the likes of which only she can pitch. So, Papa took home two patients...one sickie, the other a wanna be sickie.. for a day of couch surfing.

Miraculously I was only 20 minutes late for work. There is NO WAY we could be making it through mornings, let alone weeks, like this one without having family less than 5 miles away. Thanks Mom and Dad. We are truly, truly grateful.

A footnote to this story: La Nina's getting antibiotics and antihistamines until she is better and the Magster is green with envy. But tonight I came up with the perfect solution. I have some chewable kids vitamins that neither kid liked so I gave one to Maggie as "medicine." When she asked me what it was called, I told her it was a "placebo" and she had to eat the whole thing. She did then proudly told her dad she took a "placebo." hehehe...I hope she doesn't learn what that word means for a LONG time...'cuz it worked.

Etc, Etc, Etc.

Prayers answered:

We've been sponsoring a little boy through Half the Sky for the past 18 months. He's La Nina's age and had surgery for a cleft palette. We recieved notice today that the little boy was placed into foster care. While we'll never know for sure what happened to him, we're hoping this means he's on his way to a forever family.

Because our sponsorship is annual, we've been assigned a new baby boy. This one is only 13 months and with big chubby cheeks and a twinkle in his eyes. Since the there was no obvious special need, I called Half the Sky for details. He's special needs over something medical. The report said it was bronchitis, but the suspicion is something much more serious. It was heartbreaking to think this little laughing baby could be HIV positive or could have tuberculosis or who knows what. This little guy will be in our thoughts from now on and we hope he's able to find a forever family too.

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Different kids:

It's funny how different kids are. Maggie's language skills are just fine, but so different from her sister's. As Carly's learned to talk, she rarely made a word error. Somehow La Nina just knows the right words. Always has. Maggie is much more adventurous with language and when she doesn't know a word, she just wings it. So, a few Maggie expressions: Tuxedos and wedding dresses are "Married clothes". The movie "The Parent Trap" is the "Grown-up Movie," (which she loved). She has more, but I can't think of them at the moment.

Anyway, remember I used to complain Maggie spoke in her own language: Mag-eng-ese? A little English, a little Chinese and a whole lot of Improv? Well, she's still doing it. It seems like Maggie just thinks it fun to hear the sound of her voice and when she runs out of words, she'll make them up. Tonight it was "jup". I have no idea what it means, but she wanted me to get her jup and she was quite offended when I didn't. Since she now has fine language skills, I didn't try to figure it out...but goodness at 3.5 we're still playing with sound.

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Just when I thought the questions couldn't get any tougher, here's what La Nina threw me tonight:

"Mom, when you die you go to Heaven, right?" asked from the back seat of the car as we drove.

"Yes." I answered, only sort of listening.

"And no one in heaven is alive, right?"

"Yes."

"So, then how did Jesus die, then walk three days later, then go to Heaven to live forever?"

"Mmmmmmm....."

The issue isn't how to answer the question. It's how to explain it to a five year old. Like everything else, I stammered through an answer. I just hope she doesn't ask how the Easter Bunny fits into the scene. Happy Easter.

Small Towns

I hope I haven't written about this before, but I can't remember, so what the heck...here I go again.

You know that song by John Mellencamp about life in a Small Town? In it, he waxes poetic about the good things about living in a small town. Lately, I've developed a new appreciation for those lyrics, because again and again, I'm reminded that I live in a very small town. It isn't really that small population wise, but I grew up here and many, many people from my youth settled here too.

Actually sometimes the connections are as twisted as a grapevine. A woman I was teaching Sunday school with turned out to be a high school friend of my cousin and when she told me her maiden name, I remembered her Mom as the high school french teacher. I was at a dinner last night and a woman approached me to ask if I was married to the Dad. When I said yes, she told me she knew him through her son, who went to high school with him. At the grocery store, I run into classmates. In line at the post office, I see old teachers. Walking through Kindergarten registration, I catch up with friends of my siblings that I haven't seen in a while. My life sometimes feels like an ongoing high school reunion. And let me tell you, it makes the real ones anticlimatic if the out of towners don't show up.

There are downsides to these never ending connections. It never fails that when I just run into the store for a few things, there stands someone I haven't spoken to in 20 years and of course, conversation is mandatory. And there are times when I see people I haven't seen in years and didn't care then or now if I ever see them again. But on the whole, it's very positive especially at times of big change.

Right now, the transition into Kindergarten is looming large for us. It's not only a new school, but whole new phase in parenting. New friends, new connections to be made, new experiences for our entire family. But today, while we were working the birthday party circuit, when the talk turned to kindergarten--as all talks do these days--I found out one of the cousin's of the birthday boy will most likely be in La Nina's class. Of course, the Mom went to high school with my brother, her aunt with to high school with me, another Aunt with the Dad. We know the grandparents and most of the other cousins too. It was so reassuring to hear the latest school scoop from someone I've known for years.

Then we went to a second birthday party with another group from high school. At that party, we were able to swap notes with another potential classmate of La Nina. One of the Moms, asked me about the preschool we're at, because her youngest is about to start...and he'll be in Maggie's class. The funny part: She recommended the preschool to me originally and I was able to return the favor and update her on the comings and goings of teachers and kids.

So, when La Nina starts school in August, many of the names will be the same ones from my elementary school and soccer days. And while it's all a little incestuous, I'm grateful for the connections. Because I know through the maze of my long time connections, any bumps in our ride will be a little more comfortable.