If you give a Mom a load of laundry....

If you give a mom a load of clean laundry, she will try to hang up one of her shirts.

If she tries to hang up her shirt in her closet, she will notice she still owns many outdated suits.

The outdated suits will make her want to make a donation to charity.

While sorting her suits for charity, she will notice that she has many icky hangers cluttering up her closet.

This will make her realize she needs to get rid of the icky hangers too, if she wants a more organized closet.

While taking icky hangers out to the trash, she will notice more clothes in the drier are ready to be folded.

She will take the dry clothes into her room and toss them on her bed.

She will start folding those clothes and walk back into her closet with a pair of her pants.

Once back in the closet, she will remember the charity and start loading the old work clothes into bags for charity.

After she puts together 6 shopping bags for charity, she realizes most of her shoes are outdated too, but some are not worthy of charity and just need to be thrown away.

While walking through the garage she realizes there are more towels that need to be washed, so she carries them back into the laundry room.

After she starts a load of towels, she goes back to her room and keeps folding clothes.

While hanging more clothes in the closet, she trips over one of the shopping bags for charity and falls down.

It feels so good lying on the floor, she wants to take a nap like her kids.

She finds something soft to put her head on and starts to fall asleep when one of her children cries, "Mommy, I'm wet."

She looks down, realizes she is sleeping on the shirt she originally wanted to hang in her closet, tosses it back on the laundry pile and goes to strip her daughter's bed.

After she piles the dirty sheets from her child's room in the hall and starts a video for her kids, she goes back to her room, because there is this shirt, she really needs to hang up.

The Magster and La Nina romp in the water at Bonfante Gardens

Fun in Mr. Bonfante's Garden

We had a lovely day today exploring Bonfante Gardens in Gilroy with the girls. Bonfante Gardens is a great amusement park if you are over 60 or under 8. It has lovely lush gardens, peacefully rides and the only teenagers in sight are working. No loud music, no bad language and the only object likely to be thrown at you is an empty sippy cup.

La Nina was able to drive a car on the Autopia-style car ride and as a family we enjoyed a serene float on a garden boat ride, but really it was a garden boat float that left the girls giggling. The girls also loved the merry-go-round. I didn't think I was going to get the Magster off of it. The playground with lots of great climbing and slides and the water fountains were also huge hits in our family. It is really the perfect spot for little ones.

We shared today's adventure with some of the families from Maggie's travel group. It was so gratifying to see the babies from China as rowdy toddlers. Of course, Maggie impressed everyone by showing that Project Daddy Love was successful once we got home. These are the people who remember the days when Daddy couldn't even look at Maggie without making her cry.

Mostly it was fun just spending the day with people who shared such a special journey with us. That is the great thing about China adoption. You don't just get a daughter, you get a whole extended family.

My Baby is Growing Up

For the first time today, I had to go to one of those "sign your kid up for (fill in the activity)" days. Today, it was the Preschool Faith Formation Program at our church, think Sunday School if you aren't Catholic. So, there I was with the other Moms, moving from line to line, making sure La Nina was enrolled in the proper class, volunteering to be an aide.

It was such a surreal experience. As I wrote her full big girl name, I couldn't believe that long name represented my little La Nina-the little tot, who still clutches her 'taggies' and sucks her fingers. I couldn't help but think this is the first of many sign up sessions I will be attending. Soccer, softball and..... gulp...kindergarten are sign ups that loom large in our future over the next couple of years.

It made me realize La Nina isn't a baby or a toddler anymore. She is fast becoming a little girl despite her adorable holdover habits that allow me to deny the obvious growth that is taking place. It doesn't matter how many activities or schools or classes I sign her up for, she will always be my baby.

A Wild Birthday Project

While I am writing this post on May 10, it will not be posted until May 23rd after we give Nana her birthday gift.
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In order to present Nana with a personalized birthday gift, the girls and I headed out to Art 'N Play to create a little birthday magic. At Art 'n Play, there is a big play area and a ceramic studio where you can paint a piece and the studio fires it for you.

I thought the girls could play in the creative play area and I could simultaneously work on the project while I watched them. In fact, I swear I have seen other Moms doing this. But alas, I was wrong and I had to keep both girls with me in the ceramic studio while I painted a plate for Nana. When I figured this out, there was no turning back. La Nina was just dying to make something for Nana. So, I just bought La Nina a little ceramic piece to paint to keep her busy and kept going with my plan.

My gift idea was simple: A plate with both hand prints decorated kind of "Princess". Now I have managed big strategic projects professionally, but trust me, this was the most out of control project I have ever run. So, there we are painting in a studio lined with breakables: Me, La Nina and the Magster. Except the Magster was a no-show and the Magster's evil twin "Baby Destructo" showed up instead.

First, the Magster went after my paint. She stuck her hand in the paint pink paint and wiped it on me and the plate. While I was containing "Baby Destructo", La Nina stuck her blue paint paintbrush into my pink paint. I didn't notice this problem until the pink on plate started looking purple. The damage done to the paint meant we had to switch out all of my paints. While my paints were being switched and I was discussing why the pink brush only goes in the pink paint with La Nina, the Magster grabbed my paint brush to do a little art of her own...on my pink-tinged purple plate...with blue. The entire time, the ever-patient studio assistant was reassuring me, all would be ok, they could fix my plate, but I just didn't know how. My pink was purple and now I had blue added to it.

Realizing my plate would never be complete at the rate we were going, the able-assistant found crayons for the Magster in an attempt to distract her. Magster wasn't buying into the crayons with paints handy and she dumped the crayons into the cleaning water, then she spilled the water on me and my plate. I tried putting Maggie under the table for some peak-a-boo (I was desperate), but she crawled out and made a break for the display wall of ceramics. The good news is the only thing broken was my spirit.

After the longest 45 minutes of my life and thanks to a studio assistant who ended up physically restraining Maggie, I got a hand print of each girl on the plate and the girls sprinted into the Creative Play area. I was so exhausted from our "art project" we didn't stay long. I ordered called a a take out pizza place from the play area and headed home. There was no way I was making dinner after my afternoon.
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Post Script: 5/17- The girls and I picked up our presents for Nana today. The studio did a marvelous repair job and the plate was respectable in the end. La Nina is so excited to give Nana her painted dog, she doesn't understand why she has to wait. She keeps asking to go paint another plate, but I am still too tired from our last session to consider it.

More Peaceful Day

Whew! I survived my first full week with the knowledge that I no longer have a job. This is different than when I first gave notice. When I first quit, I was in denial. Now, every time I hit a rough patch, my primary escape fantasy is gone. The rough patches now make me wonder "What have I done?"

The week ended well. Nana and Papa had the girls all day. I took a hike, stopped by the Weekly Offices, attended an appointment, cleaned up and worked on an article. When I write it down, it seems like I was productive, but for some reason, I think I am going to get more done when I don't have the girls. It is just so nice to work on something without interruptions.

One other thing you may notice is the new header on this blog. I am now listed in a China Adoption WebRing. Basically, it is simply a directory of sites related to China adoption. If you are interested in paging through the ring, you will find other blogs as well as other commercial sites. That is it for tonight!

Etc., etc., etc...

Just to close the loop on a few things:

Thanks to Maggie, the entire family is somewhat wheat-free. Dad and La Nina escape the new diet for lunches out, but Maggie and I rarely eat wheat. As a result, I have noticed the most peculiar side effect: I have developed a dog-like sense of smell. If I spend 24 hours wheat-free and I can smell a dirty diaper in progress from 20-yards. It is really odd. Thankfully, the minute I eat wheat, it recedes.

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Slowly, I am weaning off reality TV and I swear I am giving it up next season. Here are my thoughts:

Survivor: Great Season, lots of drama and a very deserving winner. Tom was awesome. Ian's sacrifice for redemption was stunning.
Amazing Race: So glad Uchenna and Joyce won. This might be the only reality show I watch in the future. I just love it.
Idol: Ok, I started watching again once that creepy Scott guy was eliminated. It is down to Bo or Carrie. I think Bo won it last night with his solo. Carrie is good, but she is kind of boring.
Apprentice: Tanna missed the corporate politics lessons about dissing your team and I think she lost it. Kendra is ok, but lacks charisma. My money is on Kendra tonight.

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Maggie and I were in a used book store earlier this week and as usual, I asked about Fiction on China. The sales person led me to the section and proceeded to tell all about the practice of foot binding in China in the present tense. When I mentioned that the practice ended by 1920, she told me that I was wrong. Apparently, she was reading the Pearl Buck book, "The Good Earth", the book said it was still going on. I quietly faced Maggie's stroller away from the woman. There was no need for her to see the face of ignorance at 19 months. The "Good Earth" was published in 1931, and the number of known women with bound feet was less than 10 in the mid-1990's and those women were all in their 80's. So sad that this woman is reading a classic, yet missing the lesson of history.

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Today was a much better day for the girls and I, but after yesterday, we had no where to go but up. I might make it another week as a Stay At Home Mom.

And I Chose This?

The following happened between 9:45AM and 6PM, Wednesday, May 18.


9:45AM- I tell La Nina for the 712th time to put on her shoes so we can go to the park for a picnic after we stop by Whole Foods for some wheat-free crackers for Maggie.

10:00AM- Loading the van, I notice La Nina's shoe selection is a pair of pink sandals without socks. Given the current weather, this is not going to work, but since she finally had on shoes, I run back to the house, grab appropriate shoes and leave.

10:20AM- Pull into Wholefoods and La Nina immediately begins whining about the park. This is a quick trip, I reassure her, as I load Maggie into the cart. I explain to La Nina that she can stay out of the cart, if she stays next to me and doesn't touch anything, she agrees.

10:30AM- As I am reading a label to make sure the cracker I am buying doesn't have wheat, La Nina pushes the cart with her sister in it into an aisle, narrowly missing an older woman with a cane. After a profuse apology to the elderly woman, I load La Nina into the cart. She goes ballistic. The woman gives me a dirty look.


10:35AM- From the cart, La Nina loudly announces she has to go potty really bad, I scramble to find the restroom.


10:40AM- Despite signs advising me not to do it, I take the whole cart into the restroom. That way I don't have to unload Maggie and my purse. When I leave the restroom, I am greeted by the store manager who advises me it is against store policy to take entire carts into the restroom. I explain the situation and he nods sympathetically. La Nina asks, "Who was that boy, Mommy? What did he want? Why did he talk to you?"

10:45AM- My quick trip to the store is complete. I load the van. The whining for a park begins the minute I clip La Nina into her car seat.

10:51AM- We arrive at the park
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10:52AM- A crushed La Nina notes there is no big girl swing at this park.

10:53AM- LaNina begins complaining of hunger.

10:54AM- I feed La Nina a yogurt and some recently purchased rice crackers.

11:00AM- La Nina again glumly notes the lack of big girl swings.

11:02AM- La Nina complains she is starving. I offer her a healthy, wheat-free snack bar that she refuses. I eat it. I thought it tasted pretty good.

11:05AM- La Nina starts rifling through the picnic bag. I advise her to go play, NOW!

11:07AM- La Nina again complains of hunger, I again offer her a healthy snack bar, she again refuses and asks for more yogurt. I explain the remaining yogurts are for Maggie and I. She starts helping herself. I advise her if I have to talk to her again about this behavior we will leave the park.

11:08AM- La Nina advises me she is starving and tries to open the picnic bag. I tell her we are going home. As I grab the picnic basket, La Nina throws herself on the bag and begins crying and kicking her feet. I put the basket over my arm, pick up the now hysterical La Nina and head to the van. Maggie follows along with someone else's bucket and shovel.

11:15AM- La Nina is calm enough for me to strap into her car seat. I toss the bucket and shovel out of the van, and screech my tires as I pull out of the park. In my rear view mirror I note several wide eyed Moms in my dust.

11:20AM- Both girls fall asleep. This is a very bad sign.

11:35AM- We arrive home. Maggie wakes up and happily gets out of the car, runs to the garage and begins playing. La Nina wakes up and begins screaming the minute she sees the house. She has an "accident" in the car seat. I unstrap the wet La Nina, climb into the van and start to unbuckle the car seat. I hear a crash and then see a blur of red go past the van. Maggie has fallen off of La Nina's trike, she is screaming in the driveway, the trike is careening out of control into the court. La Nina proudly announces from the garage, she didn't do that.

11:45AM- I start washing the car seat cover. Maggie is calm, La Nina is dry, I am exhausted and dreaming of going back to work, but I QUIT MY JOB! WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE STOP ME?

Noon- Maggie eats her lunch. La Nina tells me she isn't hungry and picks at her grapes.

12:30pm- I clear the lunch plates, change a dirty diaper.

12:45pm- La Nina is starving again. I serve her the same food, she eats a little more.

1:00pm- Move car seat cover to the drier. Advise La Nina it is nap time, she replies she is hungry.

2:00PM- No one is napping. La Nina is laying on the couch staring at the ceiling. Whenever I tell her it is nap time, she says she is hungry. I put Maggie in her crib, she starts screaming.

3:00PM- Since Maggie has screamed for an hour without resting, I decide it is safe to assume she isn't going to nap and pick her up. I call a friend and ask if it is wrong to start drinking at 3pm. After she stops laughing at my day, she advises me it isn't good to drink alone. I put the Tequila away.

3:15Pm- I offer La Nina a snack. She eats apples slices, booty and drinks some vegetable juice. Maggie throws hers on the floor. Apparently, she didn't approve of the vegetable juice.

3:30PM- I reinstall the now clean car seat while answering La Nina's questions about why I had to clean it.

3:40PM- I load kids in car to flee the house.

3:45PM- I look in my mirror: Maggie doesn't have on shoes and La Nina is finally asleep.

3:50PM- We arrive at the shop, I have to wake up La Nina and she is not happy.

4:00PM- Errand complete, everyone is back in the van. I had to explain 5xs "No, she didn't drop her shoes. Please don't look for them."

4:10PM- We are home, everyone is asleep. Sleep at this hour is a very bad omen for my evening, so I wake them both up. If it weren't for the Wiggles, I think the girls would still be screaming.

5:00PM- I realize that Dad ate dinner for breakfast and I have no dinner.

5:30PM- Dad walks in, asks about my day, I give him a dirty look. He hugs me, which makes both girls start screaming. "That explains my day" I say to him.

5:59PM- La Nina walks into the kitchen and announces she swallowed Cinderella's shoe. I just started laughing. I check out the size of the remaining shoe, and determine there is no need for the emergency room. I explain the digestive system to La Nina. She complains for the rest of the night her coo hurts.

If I have another day like this, I will be job hunting by Monday.

Six Months Ago

Six months ago yesterday, the Magster came into our lives. She was full of it then, and she is full of it now. In some ways, it is hard to believe the frightened little baby handed to us in China is the spunky little monkey running around our house today.

In hindsight, our first few days with Maggie told us so much about her personality. When she is stressed, she doesn't eat. She didn't eat for 4 days in China, but has had numerous shorter hunger strikes whenever it suits her objectives. When she is mad, watch out. Maggie can scream for hours over something trivial, she is a determined little thing. It explains why she screamed for days over joining our family. When Maggie doesn't want to do something, heaven help the person who tries to force her. In China, she wanted nothing to do with her Dad and nothing he did could convince her it was ok. At home, she wanted nothing to do with blood tests and it was ugly. This child will never go gently on anything.

I find it intriguing that both of my girls' spirits were revealed to us so quickly in China. As a parent, I was so quick to explain away their behavior with my psychobabble. La Nina's mellow transition was a sign of shell shock according to all my "adoptive parenting" books. Now that I know her, La Nina always handles transitions very quietly. She is a reserved kid by nature. It takes her a while to share her real feelings. I tried to explain Maggie's temperment as a result of grief, that is the explanation that fit from my books. Now that I know her, the Magster is a pistol. She lets her feelings be known, good or bad, long and loud, all day everyday.

I know some waiting families read this blog, so here is my little nugget of wisdom after doing this twice. And this is much easier said than done. I failed twice at it: Watch your daughter closely those first few days, she is revealing so much more than you will ever guess. As you continue on your journey as her parent, you will think back on her reaction in China and think, "you know, it all makes sense, she is just..."

No More Pink Cheeks

When Maggie was handed to us six months ago, one of the first thing we noticed was she tended to be rashy. Her skinny little body was covered with dry, red patches that I knew where eczema. Once the nervous hives cleared off of her face, she developed a terrible, itchy, bumpy rash on both of her cheeks. While good nutrition and a special lotion cleared up the spots on her little body as soon as we got home, her face has remained a challenge.

Last month, at her 18 month check, I asked the pediatrician about the causes of eczema. I had figured out on my own that tomato sauce inflamed it, but her cheeks sported the red patches with or without tomato sauce. It came as news to me that eczema can be a triggered by a lot of things, including allergies, stress and too much sun. The fact spaghetti sauce was causing Maggie's eczema probably meant her dry skin was caused by allergens. Allergy testing is out for kids under 3, and according to our doctor, experimentation is the most effective way to isolate allergens in little kids. So for the last month, I researched eczema triggers and turned into a detective in an attempt to find the source of Ms. Maggie's troubles.

I found a couple of web sites with lists of potential allergens and started eliminating potential trigger foods. I started with dairy products, knowing that many Asians are lactose in tolerant and having read that a lot of kids from China's eczema is related to diary. After 2 days of no diary, the only discovery I made is that Soy Milk tastes pretty good in coffee and smoothies. The lack of dairy had no impact on her eczema.

Next, knowing Asians from Southern China probably eat very little wheat, I eliminated Maggie's favorite food groups: Crackers, Pastas and Cookies. The results were amazing and immediate. By the end of the second day, her eczema was gone. Go Figure. At first I was really bummed. I love wheat products and it seemed such an impossible food to eliminate from her diet. However, I made several discoveries and find it is pretty easy to live wheat-free. Oat-based, rice-based and corn-based foods are all ok, and I am amazed at the quality of wheat-free products on the market. Between Whole Foods and Trader Joes, I have found lots of options. Rice crackers are now a mainstay in Maggie's diet and she loves them. I also figured out she is wheat intolerant, meaning if she eats a breaded fish stick, she is fine. (I figured this out when I forgot breading included wheat.) A serving of pasta or bread, she might make her a little red, but it will be gone in the morning. More than one serving of wheat a day, those little pink cheeks are back with gusto.

Her face was much better without the wheat, but when she woke up from naps, I noticed the old patches were a little worse. For a while I assumed she just woke up flush, but just for ducks, I switched laundry detergents. The change in detergents was the final ingrediant needed for an eczema free daughter.

We have only been one week without a flare up, but it sure seems like we have it figured out. Of course, now that I have written this, I am sure I will be greeted with pink cheeks in the morning.

Friendships Over Time

I am so lucky to live in the city where I grew up. It means that I have several friendships that are counted in decades now and I appreciate that continuity so much. Last night, one of my friends from high school who left the area 14 years ago came back for a visit, and three of my high school friends and I had dinner together. While three of us still live in the area, the last time this foursome had dinner together was over 8 years ago.

At that time we were all in our early 30's. All of us were focused on our jobs, only two of us were married, and only one of us had children. My how eight years changes things. As a group, we are turning 40 over the next few months, we are all married now and three of the four of us have stopped working to raise kids.

But you know with old friends, time doesn't really pass. Our conversations started as if they had never ended. Our questions of each other's present are deeply rooted in our knowledge of each other's past and we laughed as we shared the ups and downs of our current lives. With old friends there is no awkward pause while someone searches for a safe topic. The topics are all taboo: Politics, Money and Religion. While the view points may have changed over time, no one minds. We so deeply respect each other today, our differences are amusing, not insulting.

We laughed last night that the only things that have changed since high school is that the we didn't have to pilfer the liquor from an unsuspecting parent, the topics of wrinkle prevention and spider veins are exceedingly relevant and the advice sought is about out of control pre-schoolers, not wayward boyfriends. We also marveled that if another 8 years passes before we get together for dinner as a four-some again, our lives will change that much more. We ended the evening vowing to each other not to let so many years pass before we dine together again.

All Over a Cookie!

The Magster is a piece of work. She really is. Last night, at Mother's Day dinner, she was in rare form. When we arrived at Nana's house for dinner, La Nina asked if Bunny Cookies were available for sharing. Nana answered in the affirmative, showed La Nina and the Magster the cookies, but said the girls could not partake in the cookies until after dinner. Well, waving those cookies under the Magster nose was a bit like baiting a lion with a piece of steak. The cookies drove the Magster wild. She wanted one bad. I mean really bad. I mean throw herself on the floor in a kicking screaming rage for 45 minutes bad.

Frankly, I wasn't sure exactly what was wrong with her during her Mother of all Fits, in honor of Mother's Day. I tried to feed her something healthy, but she waved all food and drink off. I tried distracting her, and that just made her madder. I tried isolating her and that just made her increase the volume on her screaming. By the time we sat down at dinner, I was exhausted and sure we would have to leave early to take her home.

Her snit fit resolved itself at the end of dinner, when Nana brought out the coveted Bunny Cookie. She immediately smiled, clapped her hands and started wiggling for joy in her seat as soon as she saw them. About 1 second after being handed a cookie, the Magster was back to her usual delightful self, looking like a completely sweet angel. The cookie met its demise a few seconds later. So, in the end, her tantrum of all tantrums was over a cookie. One single, bunny cookie, with pink frosting and sprinkles. We are doomed when she is asking for the car keys!

Happy Mother's Day mom!!!

For Mother's Day

My Mom gave me this poem for Mother's Day, the last year I wasn't a Mom on Mother's Day. I thought it was perfect and I reread it often after I have put the girls to bed.

Happy Mother's Days to All the Mother's of the World.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women, Who never knew each other.

One you do not remember, The other you call mother.

Two different lives, Shaped to make yours one

One became your guiding star, The other became your sun.

The first gave you life, The second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love, And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.

One gave you the seed of talent, The other gave you an aim.

One gave you emotions, The other calmed your fears.

One saw your first sweet smile, The other dried your tears.

One gave you up, it was all that she could do.

The other prayed for a child, And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,
The age-old question through the years:

Heredity or environment-- which are you a product of?

Neither, my darling, neither, Just two different kinds of love.

-Anonymous

An Exciting Day

Today,I received my first check for the article that ran on April 1. I guess that means I can claim the title of 'writer', officially. And today, two of my stories ran in the Pleasanton Weekly. The cover story on parks as well as the story on the Assistance League are mine. Here is the link if you are interested in reading the May 6 edition.

http://www.pleasantonweekly.com/index.shtml

PS- Recognize any of the kids on the cover of the Weekly? The Magster is in the line up of kids sporting her yellow pants. La Nina was with us at the park that day, but refused to forfiet her swing for the picture.

The Real Reason I Quit My Job

Now that the word is out about my "retirement", I am frustrated by the number of people who are acting as if I joined the holy crusade of motherhood. It mostly comes from retired people or other stay at home Moms who are oh-so-kindly slamming my past life. They say things like, "well, it is good you finally realized what is REALLY important" or "Your life is so much happier now, you don't need that job" or my personal favorite "And to think you were so committed to that career just last year, now look at you."

Yeah, look at me, I am covered in smeared peanut butter and drool, and I drive a minivan. I can smell a bad diaper from another room. I can name all 4 Wiggles and Teletubbies, and I can sing the entire Princess Collection of Songs. My planning skills are now used to coordinate nap schedules and I am rarely successful. But I digress...

I am left wondering exactly what these statements mean. Providing for my family wasn't important? Accomplishing something professionally wasn't important? My life before wasn't happy? Boy, all of this is news to me.

It was pretty miserable traveling the world on business, experiencing different cultures. And I guess it wasn't fun figuring out how to deliver big projects. And those paychecks weren't nice and neither were those benefits. Oh yeah, it was really awful going out to dinner at nice restaurants and drinking fine wine on a Tuesday night, just because there was nothing in the 'frig. As I was saying....

I liked working and deciding to stop working wasn't an easy decision for me. I never sat in my office pining for a stay home assignment. I quit because I don't think I can do both. I don't believe I can find a balance between a full time job and my responsibilities to my family. Ultimately, if I can't find balance, I won't be happy in any aspect of my life, work or home. I value my personal happiness too much to risk losing it. That is why I quit. My reasons are completely about self preservation, not about some romanticized notion of motherhood.

What have I done? Why have the girls been in full meltdown since I gave notice? Are they playing some sort of a twisted game of chicken with me? Why? Why?

Being a Mom is hard, I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to do it full-time. I am staying home with the girls, because I would be no good as a stressed out basket case, rushing home in time to kiss them good night. I am not staying home because this is my dream job. May be I'm a bad person for admitting that. May be I don't know what is really important. May be I'm not worthy of the opportunity I have been given. Regardless, I made the right decision for me, no matter what my reasons.

Before I had kids, I always hated it when people implied that childless couples/singles were unhappy, unfilled or lonely. I liked my life before kids. In fact, I fantasize about it often these days. (What I wouldn't give for one uninterupted cup of coffee.) Now, I find it just as offensive when I hear people implying that I was unhappy and unfulfilled working. It simply isn't true and I am left to wonder if the people who make these statements ever had a job they truly enjoyed.

The Magster and Vegetables

It is quite possible Maggie is going to hit two and never consume a piece of fruit or a vegetable. She comes so close. She puts the strawberry in her mouth, she chews it, then she spits it out. It is so frustrating to watch. I get fruit into her through smoothies, she loves to sip my morning creation. She especially loves to steal her sister's smoothie.

Vegetables are another matter. I can't hide them easily in a sweet milk shake like drink. She will eat frozen peas and canned green beans. At our last visit, I was talking to the doctor about the gaps in Maggie's diet and he said something that got me thinking. He said that her issue must be one of texture. Hmmmmm....I have always wondered if she didn't like crunchy food because she was exposed to solid food so late. (I am certain she had never had solid food before we adopted her.)

So, the other night I intentionally overcooked some broccoli. My biggest worry is she is going to be anemic, so I thought iron-rich broccoli was just the ticket. My non-veggie kid chowed the overcooked trees and asked for more. Since then, I have fiddled with other foods and discovered Maggie will also eat applesauce of all flavors: apples only, apples with berries, etc. Apparently, the old' pediatrician could be onto something here!

The One That Could Cause Therapy

In general, I am fairly cautious about what I write about my kids. I try not to write anything that will shame or humiliate either girl in later years. But I also vowed when I started this blog to keep my journey in parenthood real. So, tonight, all bets are off on the shame and humiliation. I will pay for the therapy session this post causes.

Today, La Nina took oppositional three year old behavior to a whole new level. She looked me in the eye and well, let loose, just to spite me. Not once mind you, twice. (Now, grandparents, don't give this child the benefit of the doubt.) She was cold and calculated in this act. She even ended the "accident" with a flat..."Accidents happen sometimes, Mom." The first time, I was stunned and not quite sure the act was intentional and wanting to believe the best. The second time, there was no doubt about it...she did it intentionally. She was angry at me for not letting her put toothpaste on her own toothbrush and she went. On the stool. In the bathroom. And looked me in the eye while she did it. She never broke eye contact.

I have heard of other children doing this deed to spite their parents. And I always thought smugly, "Not my child." Well, let me tell you, my child did it and frankly, I am not quite sure how to handle it. The first time I consequated her by shutting down the computer. The second time I cancelled a picnic at the park, but she really didn't care. I made her clean up both messes too, but I saw her smiling while she worked. So, my child who potty trained just after two is using her control to try to control me, and it won't work! Unbelievable!

Righting a Bad Decision

This weekend we spent our time undoing a terrible decision we made before we brought Maggie home. In the excitement of adopting our second child, we thought it would be a good idea to have the girls share a room and use our other bedroom as a play room. In our infinite single-child-parent wisdom, we thought bunking together would help the girls develop a relationship and learn about sharing. Those lessons might be learned in some shared bedrooms, but not in this house.

We are optimists. When the shared sleeping arrangements went poorly at first, we kept telling ourselves it would get better. Maggie was transitioning and once things were more "settled", all would be well. After 5 months of night time chaos and arrangements not working, we declared our experiment "failed".

It is humorous when a decision like this backfires. We heard horror stories about shared rooms, but we told ourselves, "Oh, but it will work for us. It works for so and so. They say it is not a problem." But for us, this was a problem on so many levels. First, La Nina likes to sleep. The Magster is a decent sleeper, but she does not require the amount of sleep her sister does. So, La Nina and her 3 hour naps, just didn't mesh with Maggie's 1.5 hour cat naps.

Second, if both girls are not asleep when they are both going to bed or for a nap, then a game of "wake your sister" ensues. At nap time, the Magster is at the plate to awaken La Nina. Maggie will run down the hall everytime a turn my back, knock open the bedroom door and pounce on La Nina like Tigger the Tiger. At bed time, La Nina returns the favor with the well timed shriek as soon as I leave the room. The shriek always happens at the exact moment when I am sure she is not going to shriek. Frequently, it awakens Maggie with a start and leaves her riled up. Every day it is a battle that leaves someone crying, and on more than one occasion it was me!

La Nina hates missing out on anything and realizes her sister sleeps less than she does. So, for the past 2 or so weeks, she has been using the Magster as her personal alarm clock. La Nina refuses to sleep anywhere but with her sister, knowing that her sister will wake up before her and sound the alarm. This "alarm" insures that La Nina will miss nothing. But, La Nina has been exhausted lately and hard to get moving in the morning, thanks to her new "alarm".

Likewise, the sleeping arrangements were forcing me to dash into their room every time Maggie squawked in order to preserve La Nina's beauty rest. It was reinforcing all the wrong things about night time behaviors for Maggie. I don't want my kids to think they can cry at night and I will come running to save them. If someone is waking me up, there better be a good reason. And lately, Maggie has been getting pretty liberal with her night time needs.

Separating them is already paying off. Nap times were smoother for the last 2 days, and last night when Maggie threw her blanket out of her crib, I merely handed the blanket back and went to bed. She tried "the old blanket toss" again, but realized she was sleeping without it quickly, 'cuz Mommy wasn't coming back for it. I am pretty sure that game won't be played again tonight.

At least this decision was easily undone and we can say, lesson learned. When a few people advise you something is "no problem", and the vast majority of people think you are nuts, get details. We should have listened to all the people who told us we were nuts.

The Magster being pretty darn silly (just ask her sister)

La Nina and the Magster love computer games!