An Open Letter to the Pediatrician

Dear Dr. H:

Thank you for the kind care you gave my daughter yesterday. She seems better today, but a new problem has emerged. I will use my daughter's words to describe our new problem. I took some notes from a conversation I had with her earlier today.

"Mommy, no like doctor. No like pee-pee in cup. Me pee-pee in panties forever. I no pee-pee in potty forever, forever again."

She had 7 accidents today. Seven. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. You don't suppose the cup was traumatic, do you? Any bright ideas oh ever-helpful pediatrician? I'm doing alot of laundry again, and I'm not real pleased.

A Concern Lucky Mom

A moment of grace

When I read this post (see May 24) a couple of days ago, my heart went out to the Mom. Who wants to spend hours in a hospital waiting for their child to pee? UGH. No fun for anyone. Then, this morning, Maggie cried out in pain when she peed. I was a little surprised, and thought...hmm...coincidence? Is she just mimicking Grace even though they've never met? It continued and soon she was dissolving into tears and refusing to go near a toilet even though I knew she had to go.

Needless to say, I was on the phone with the advice nurse after lunch and was issued an appointment without much discussion. Painful urination...you see the doctor. End of story. We took her 2:30 slot.

The weather was lovely--high 70's a few puffy clouds--the neighbors were hosting a barbeque and I was on the road at 2 pm for a doctor's appointment. This little trip was not in my weekend plans. At least the doctor was right on time. She handed me a cup and said.."Do whatever it takes, but she has to pee in the cup by 4:15. The lab closes at 4:30." Long story and many beverages later, at 4:10 pm, with the threat of a catheter looming large in her future, through a veil of tears, Maggie dutifully filled the cup. The tests were all negative. She doesn't have a urinary tract infection.

But while sitting on the floor of the pediatric bathroom listening to my child howl in discontent, I had one of those rare moments of grace. I don't mean peace. It was a moment of vulnerability and honesty that defines parenthood. Neither of us wanted to be in that room. Neither of us wanted to be doing what we were doing. Yet, Maggie and I were in it together, and by golly, she got the job done. It required a great deal of trust on her part, 'cuz it hurt, poor baby. But she did it after holding out for over 6 hours. And if it was the doctor ordered coca cola that broke the dam, as long as her sister never finds out, we're going to be fine...just fine.

Children's Books

I like to read and reading to my kids is hardly a chore. However, all children's books are not created equal. And where some books are just a joy to read, I'm convinced other books are written to torture parents. Why? Because some books are tedious, yet kids love them and ask for those books over and over again..

In our house, the favored method of inflicting parental pain is the benign Froggy Series. You know the titles: Froggy Gets Dressed, Froggy Goes to Bed, Froggy Plays Soccer, etc. My girls love them, while I loathe them. I find the stories insipid, repititious and BOOORRRRRRINNNNGG.

I'm proud to say, I don't own a single Froggy book, but the kids always want to check out Froggy books from the library. The last time we were there, the girls picked "Froggy Gets Dressed" and "Froggy Goes to Sleep". Alas, I "forgot" those titles on the table. Maybe I should say I almost forgot them, because the eagle eyed, froggy loving La Nina spotted the abandoned books and ran back saving me from a truly terrible error. Damn. So, Froggy is currently in the house and I'm reading both books daily. Heaven help me.

So, tonight, I hid one of the books. I was sitting in Maggie's room and the book was sitting on top of her book pile. I could just hear myself saying, "flop, flop, flop.." Ugh! I couldn't resist the urge to slide the instrument of my agony under the futon...so I did. Maggie bopped into the room after brushing her teeth and immediately started looking for the book.

Some parents would feel guilty, I didn't. "Where is it?" she asked. I shrugged my shoulders and distracted her with her second favorite book, "Walter, the Boufa Dog" (aka Walter the Farting Dog, but I don't use the word farting around the kids, so that book requires me to be on my toes while reading...I like it.) All was settled, we had just cracked the cover when her father appeared, like some sort of rescuing Prince on a white stallion, holding the second Froggy book.

He smiled at me and asked, "Maggie, are you looking for a Froggy book? Here's one. Mommy loves to read them." He handed Maggie the book, giggled and went to La Nina's room where he proceeded to loudly read one of my favorite children's books, "Puddle Pails." It's everything Froggy isn't. Anything by Elisa Kleven is lyrical, beautfully written and a joy to read.

So, I read Froggy for the 85th time tonight, while listening to my husband making his way through one of my favorite books. He had Klever, I had Froggy...and by the time it was my turn to read to La Nina, she wanted some Dora book I've read 100 times. But rest assured, later tonight, I'll have the bed, and Dad is sleeping with the Pete, our boufa dog. Because the bedroom door will be locked, zoop!

Whew! We made it!

Well, we all survived my first week back at work. Given that my "week" is only 3 days long, it is perhaps less of an accomplishment than those women who really work all week. Here are a few highlights/low lights:

Gee, guess which child had a rough week? The young crazy one who has never napped outside of a home setting or the older, more mature day care experienced but change resistance? Yes, La Nina had a rough week and the Magster just rolled with it. Go figure.

Toughest part: Remembering to set my alarm clark. Good thing the dog wakes me up early every morning so he can go out. He saved me twice when I forgot to set the alarm.

Best part: Shocking my old colleagues. It was fun to call people all over the world and say "I'm back." Then it was even more fun to see how fast the news traveled. By noon my second day, people were calling and emailing me.

The Big Question: Did I like it? You know, I did. It felt good to be back. Perhaps it's because I know it's only for 3 days. Perhaps it because I'm working with folks I genuinely like and respect. I did miss the kids, but I really enjoyed being able to string 2 coherent thoughts together without screaming "Mommy".

So, there you have it. We made it through the week. I'm tired, but I have four days off and a fun weekend planned. Happy Memorial Day! And Taylor Hicks rocks. I was glad he won.

Four Going On Twelve

Some days it is so hard to know what is right with your kids. When to push, when to lay off, it's all so gray. La Nina and I had one of those mornings today. Something for you should know: La Nina hates change. She always has. Changing schedules, changing classrooms, changing beds...the only type of changing she likes is changing her clothes and she does that four times a day..but I digress.

We tried a new gymnastic class a couple of weeks ago and she really liked it. So I called the gym and made the switch official. Then, this morning she told me she didn't want to go to gymnastics. For her, this is out of character. Mondays are the only day I don't pester her to get ready to leave the house. She is usually in her leotard by 7:30 and chomping at the bit to go to her class.

I asked her why she didn't want to go to class. She said that she didn't know anyone and wanted to go to her old class. I told her it's the new class or no class, she answered, "old class." Great, I thought. Something about her protest smelled of her anti-change attitude, so I decided to stay the course.

She stalked off to her room and put a skirt and tee shirt--not a leotard. No big deal, but it was definitely a statement. Anyway, we left on time and she whined the entire drive. Then we got to class and she refused to join the class. I told her she didn't have to participate, but she had to watch. During La Nina's class, Maggie is allowed to walk on the low balance beams and jump in the foam pits. As soon as Carly saw Maggie on a balance beam, she wanted to walk on the beam too. I told her, "No, we're here for your class. You either do your class or sit against the wall." She went back to the wall.

Frustration and self-doubt set in, I felt like a terrible mom. If the kid didn't want to do the class, should I make her? On one hand, I had this sinking feeling La Nina was being a drama queen over the change--'change is part of life--get over it kid.' On the other, I don't want to be one of those mothers who pushes their child too hard--'she's four--is that too young for me to be trying to teach life lessons?' While La Nina sat against the wall, I stewed. Was I doing the right thing?

The other Mom I hang out with at class and was amused by my dilemma. She was even tried to convince La Nina to join the others....it was all to no avail. La Nina just glared at her. Nice...my four year old is glaring at adults, I thought. The other Mom whispered to me, "Oh...you brought your middle schooler today." I started laughing, because I was glad to have the sympathy. La Nina was acting like a twelve year old. Heaven help me!

After about 10 minutes of watching, La Nina stood up and said, "Ok, Mom. I'm ready for class now." She walked out to her class and had a great time. The other Mom and I were blown away. In a flash, she went from pouty twelve year old to joyful four year old. How does that happen? The Mom commented that I had made the right decision with La Nina. I think I did too.

But it just left me wondering...what is right? Do you listen to the protests? Do you take disposition into account? It's really hard to know. Today, it felt like a day to push. I don't know if I will do the same thing tomorrow. And heaven help me if the teens years have already hit!

Gearing Up for Another Change

It's been said that the only constant in life is that nothing remains the same. And for me, that has never been more true than it is right now.

When I embarked upon full-time Momhood about 1 year ago, I shocked a lot of people including myself. Trust me on this, I never, ever expected to quit my job. I loved my job. But quitting was the right decision. Maggie needed me and when push comes to shove, your kids come first. Period.

Over time, things have changed. Maggie has adjusted beautifully. She is not the same child she was 1 year ago. She is a happy, self-confident, little kid, who wears panties and rarely has an accident. I often find myself amazed by her these days. And I have an incredible opportunity to go back to a job very similar to my old one without the travel. So, I'm most likely taking it. It's only three days a week until October when I'll have the chance to decide if I want to continue working or not, assuming they want me, of course.

I'm excited to go back to work. I've missed the challenges of problem solving in a corporate setting. I've missed the excitement and drama of project work. I've missed the thrill of developing timelines and actually having a small measure of control on delivery. I can't imagine what it will be like to have an entire eight hour block to work on something. It's all sort of an amazing thought.

But, I have mixed emotions, but not for the reasons you're probably assuming. My emotions have nothing to do with my girls. I wouldn't do this if I wasn't 100% sure both of my kids will be fine. I'm sure. They are ready for this. Two days a week in school plus one day a week with their Nana is a going to be a good thing for them. Also, I'm working with a great gal to nanny for our family this summer. The girls will do some really fun stuff while I'm working. It's a good situation. I'm lucky and all in all, I feel like the kids are squared away.

So where is the mixed part of this emotion? Aww...you see, the past year gave me a chance to discover something I forgot while I was busy with life: I love to write. It's something I loved as a kid, but somewhere along the way I forgot how truly pleasurable writing can be. And now, going back to work, I'm worried I will forget again. In hurry-up world of working parenthood, I fear I will lose my creative muse. And I will stop making writing a priority. And slowly, I will stop writing at all. I truly hope that doesn't happen.

I want writing to be a priority for the rest of my life. I feel like I've finally figured out I want to be when I grow up...at 40. I want to be a writer: of history, of fiction, of stories that I find interesting and compelling. And while it annoys me that it took me 30 years to see the light, I'm so happy that I didn't spend my entire life in the dark without ever trying something different, and taking a risk.

So there you have it. I'm going back to work, not upset about my kids, but worried about writing. I know I'll keep blogging. In fact, I'm figuring this misadventure will be a material rich experience. And I'm sure that admitting all this puts me somewhere high on the list of bad Mothers...but I never claimed to be the perfect Mom. Just a Mom trying to find the right balance in a crazy world.

One Year and Six Months Ago Today

Eighteen months ago today, a frightened baby with hair standing straight up on her head, bright red eczema cheeks and a very bad attitude was placed in my arms forever. She looked me in the eye, grabbed hold of me and didn't let go for eight months, literally. Yes, the Magster's transition into our family took years off my life. Now, when I think back to Maggie's early months with us, I almost can't believe I'm parenting the same child. Over the last year and a half, she has blossomed and continues to amaze us daily with her wit, charm and beauty.

I was going to write this big long thing about all her accomplishments over the past 18 months, but I write so much about both girls, it seems redundant. So, instead, I'm going to steal so words from Cinderella. 'Cind-relly" as Maggie calls her is Maggie's favorite princess these days, and whenever I'm giving the girls their bath and this song comes on the princess CD, it strikes me that Cinderella is singing about the humbling experience of becoming a parent. These words are in honor of my beautiful Princess Margaret. She'll never know the joy she has brought to our lives.

So this is love, Mmmmmm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine
My heart has wings, Mmmmmm
And I can fly
I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
Mmmmmm
Mmmmmm
So this is love

One of Those Moments

At the crowded Farmer's Market, a little girl, 4 years old, dressed in a lavendar sleeveless, summer dress, practiced the balance beam. Her head was down and her arms were extended straight out as she carefully walked the line painted down the middle of the street. In one hand she clutched a bag of green beans, in the other a bag of red, ripe cherries. With the morning sun bouncing off her black shiny hair, she epitome of girlhood and spring time as she stepped heal to toe, heal to toe, oblivious to the others around her.

I stood back and marveled at her innocence, her focus, her beauty. Several others stopped too and formed a small semi-circle around her. While I may have been watching, they stopped to avoid bumping into her. She was only paying attention to on the ground. A man approached me, "Is she yours?"

I nodded. I didn't want to speak and break the magical spell a little girl weaves when she gets lost in her own world.

He spoke again, "Isn't that the cutest thing you have ever seen?"

This time I answered, "Yea, it is." My daughter looked up, smiled at me, made a pretend dismount from her imaginery balance beam and excuted a perfect safety landing. The noise of a busy farmer's market turned back on as she took my hand and we continued walking together. Feeling her small hand in mine, I was very glad to be her Mom. And I suspect she was very glad to be a little girl.
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Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms and Mothers To Be. May you find the small moments and cherish them.

When a Mom goes into Target looking for Size Two Panties

When a Mom goes into Target looking for size two panties, she'll remember she needs some cleaning supplies.

On the way to the cleaning supplies, she passes the kids shoes and spies some absolutely adorable sandals her girls simply must have.

The sandals remind her of summer days at the park and she remembers she's short of sand toys for the kids.

Once in the toy section, she gets lost and somehow finds her self staring at the elusive Bella, Bella Dancerella DVD, Mat and head set collection, so of course, that ends up in the cart too. I mean really, she's been looking for Bella, Bella Dancerella for months. How can she resist?

The DVD reminds her that she really wanted to look for a new CD for the kids to listen to in the car because the "Curious George" sound track makes the Mom very sleepy, but it somehow doesn't have the same effect on the kids. Damn.

When she gets to the CD section, she sees a whole section of compilation CDs including one from the 1980's when she graduated from high school. It's only $9.99. Of course, it too goes into the cart.

Speaking of high school, the Mom next runs into a gal she hasn't seen since high school. The friend comments that she reads the Mom's stories in the paper, which reminds the Mom that she needs a new binder for her portfolio. The Mom says Good Bye to her long lost school mate and heads to the office supply section.

Well, that office supply section is dangerously close to the Arts and Crafts supply section and the Mom remembers the girls need new markers, construction paper and glitter glue, of course.

The cart now filled, the Mom heads to the register. When the damages are tallied, the Mom is stunned. She paid way more than she expected. Nothing she bought cost more than $9.99 except of course, Bella, Bella Dancerella, but she had to get that. Who knows when she'll see it again? How did this total happen the Mom wonders in awe.

The Mom heads to the van, staring in horror at the receipt, when she realizes she forgot to grab the Size 2 panties which is why she went into Target in the first place.

Top Five Reasons Why Potty Training is More Work

Well, we're officially into our second week of potty training and I'm remembering the truth about this whole process: diapers are easier! So, I submit to you, my top five reasons why potty training is a lot more work than diapers.

5.) I know the location of every public restroom within a 20 mile radius of my house.
4.) NFL running backs have nothing on me. I can scoop up a child, dash 40 yards while hurdling toys on the way to the potty and make there in less than 5 seconds. I'd like to see Reggie Bush perform under such pressure.
3.) Suddenly, the time I spend in the bathroom, any bathroom, has quadrupled. Especially now that the big sister has figured out Mom is going with the little one and wants equal treatment.
2.) Can you say LAUNDRY? I can, and let me tell you, there is a heck of a lot more of it these days.
1.) There's no pretending you don't smell it when it drops on the floor at your feet.

A Moment Never Mentioned in Potty Training Manuals (aka the Run)

As the mother pushed her daughters in the cart, she marveled at how well they were behaving. 'Gee, grocery shopping used to be a difficult task with the two of them, but it's definitely improving,' she thought as she strolled through the frozen food section toward the cashier. Every now and then she would stop, check a price on this item or that, then continue pushing her cart at a leisurely pace further down the aisle.

The cart was full of a week's worth of food: milk, eggs, fruits and vegetables, nutrious things that would fuel her families activities for the next seven days. The lines were long with lunch time shoppers as she approached the check out stand, but she didn't mind. There were tabloid covers to read as she waited and a few cooking magazines she could thumb through. Her trip had been so peaceful, what was an extra five minutes?

Her two year old looked back at her and smiled. The mother smiled back, what a delight this child was today. Then the words came, "Mommy, pee-pee potty." The mother froze. Her baby was in panties, day four of potty training, and they were no where near the bathroom. Yes, the little one had gone before they left the house, but that was 45 minutes ago and she had lots of juice that morning. The Mom glanced around. She was still 5 minutes away from check out. "Moma--PEEPEE," her daughter cried more urgently.

The mother spun her cart around and ordered the businessman behind her in line with a sandwich and a coke to "Move it". She took off at a dead run, weaving her way through the crowded aisles. She passed through the frozen food and produce section before she took a sharp left turn at the dairy aisle. She skidded to a halt in front of the pharmacy. She tore the two year old from the cart and sprinted for the stairs that led to her daughter's salvation, when from behind her she heard..."Momma, wait for me."

'Shit, I mean, shout, I forgot the other one,' she muttered under her breath. She ran back to the cart. She freed her 4 year old from a tangle of tattered childproof harnesses. The threesome now quickly made their way up the staircase, the mother shouting the whole way, "Hold it, Maggie. Hold it." Her four year old joined the chorus, "Maggie, we're almost there. You can make it."

At the top of the stairs, startled employees enjoying their lunch in the break room rose from their common table to witness the spectacle sprinting past them. The mother threw open the bathroom door, ran to a stall, ripped off her daughter's dry Hello Kitty panties and set her daughter down on the commode. Her daughter, rather enjoying the reaction from her mother, put her finger to her lips and urged her mother to listen with a "Shhhhhh," as the tinkling sound of her release hit the welcoming waters below. They had made it and the mother breathed a sigh of relief.

Potty Training, Part 2

If you've followed my blog for awhile you may remember the Magster's attempt at potty training from a couple of months ago. And then a few days later, my retraction.

Since then Maggie has taken pride in wearing a diaper. In fact, just last week she proudly stated: "Carly wear panty, Mommy wear panty, daddy wear panty, Maggie wear diaper." She would bring me diapers when she was wet, tell me when she was going, and yet she wouldn't use a potty.

I reasoned with her, I offered her brides, but she refused. I was having visions of being one of those Moms on Nanny 911 with the 5 year old who wasn't potty trained. It was distressing. Now, I know what you say...two and a half is young. I had it easy with La Nina. I'm overreacting. And I completely agree with every statement. It's just I did have it easy with La Nina and I haven't been sure how to proceed with the ever opinionated Magster.

Then on Monday, we were at Carly's gymnastic class when Maggie looked up at me and said, "Maggie go potty now. Come on, Mom."

Intrigued, I followed her. She walked into the bathroom, took off her diaper, climbed up onto the toilet and did her thing. I congratulated her and went to get a clean diaper on her, but I noticed her diaper was dry.

She then looked at me and said, "No more diapers, Maggie wear panty now." And by golly, she has only had one accident since. She is having a fit about putting on diapers, she is demanding panties and she is telling us when she has to go. I think it may stick this time. And now, after so much hopelessness and worry, I'm sad. My baby is giving up diapers. That's a sign, I'm not going to have a baby a whole lot longer. And it makes me sad to see her growing up so quickly. Mothers...we're never happy.